I’m right, so my dog is wrong

“I want x. My dog wants y. Therefore my dog is wrong.”

Stubborn, headstrong, wilful, disobedient, difficult, challenging, pain in the ****, you name it - the dog gets called it.

And it all adds up to WRONG.

But hang on a minute! Who made these rules? That if you want x, x is therefore right, and your dog should comply.

Just because you want something, does this make it the right thing to do? Does it make you right?

Look at it from your dog’s point of view

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You may be asking him to do something that seems straightforward to you. But your dog is not doing it. Why?

• Maybe he didn’t hear you

• Maybe he heard you but didn’t understand

• Maybe you haven’t yet taught him

• Maybe he’d love to do it but is unable to do so at the moment

• Maybe he doesn’t think it’s worth doing

What we need to do is look at your dog and run through these questions to find out why he’s not obliging. Only then can we see a way forward to change.

Let’s take a look

The first three reasons are fairly self-explanatory. And in no case is your dog wrong.

The last two bear closer scrutiny.

“He’d love to do it but is unable to do so at the moment.”

He’d love to sit when you ask, but there’s someone at the door who has to be seen off, or greeted ecstatically (depending on your dog). What you have here is a lack of training round what you want your dog to do at the door. It’s not about not-sitting! This links back to the third reason - you haven’t taught him yet.

He’d love to do what you ask, but there’s a dog over there staring at him. This is either terrifying him or exciting him (depending on your dog) and he cannot possibly focus on what you’re saying. Teaching him how to manage other dogs in the vicinity will give him a “recipe” to follow. Back to the third reason again!

He’d love to sit when you ask, but he’s a sighthound with an almost bare bottom, and the ground is cold and muddy. The best you’ll get is a bit of shuffling and a grudging stoop. Why spoil your nice snappy sit for the sake of being right?

“Maybe he doesn’t think it’s worth doing”

And here we get to the nitty-gritty.

If someone asks you to do something, you need to have a reason to want to do it.

• Maybe it’s your work and you get paid to do it

• Maybe it’s someone you love who you want to help

• Maybe it’s going to benefit you too

You need a reason!

And so does your dog.

If you expect blind obedience with nothing in it for your dog, the response you want is going to be given more and more grudgingly, less and less accurately, with less enthusiasm, less willingness, less FUN!

There will be endless conflict, endless battles of will, endless frustration.

Why not discard notions of right and wrong, and look instead at building a strong and loving relationship with your dog?

A relationship which has you understanding his needs and desires better, and has him happy to fit in with your reasonable requests, which he understands, has learnt, and is able to do - with pleasure?

As Viktor Frankl, a man who refused to be broken, said,

Between stimulus and response there’s a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Dogs don’t arrive with us with all the operating software installed. We get Dog 1.0. It’s up to us to do all the teaching and shaping to get the companion we want, and perhaps the companion we visualised when we first decided to invite a dog into our home.

It’s all about learning! We learn, and our dog learns. We’re not keeping score! It’s not Owner 10, Dog nil.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Wayne Dyer

A happy partnership will change your expectations (which will be totally unreasonable if you’ve been watching those ghastly tv programs about dogs being wrong). It will give you a far better way to interact with your chosen pet. It will end those senseless battles of will and frustration.

And it will make life so much easier!

Start out with our free e-course here:

Dog or Puppy problems? Get your free 8-lesson email course and solve them all painlessly!

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And let me know how you get on!

A Workshop full of dogs and puppies!

Well, I’m (almost) lost for words! We had thousands and thousands of people who joined our Workshop for a Brilliant Family Dog!

And those who followed closely and put in the work got spectacular results!

• They developed a new relationship with their dog in just seven days!

• They changed a lifetime of doing the wrong things and got a different dog in just a week!

I’m not very good at blowing my own trumpet, so I’ll let them blow theirs!

Well what a week it has been, think I’ve fallen in love with Max all over again!! Living in a busy house he’d become just someone else I had to sort out. With the games I’ve remembered what a wonderful boy he is. Even taught the family and they are getting much better at responding to him in a more positive way. He’s definitely calmer. Still need to work on the noise levels and craziness when people arrive home.. but I now have faith we’ll get there. Thank you Beverley Courtney and team. AJ

I want to thank you for changing our mindset (not the dog’s). CD

Already, after last week's Workshop there is so much improvement and we now have some calm. For the first time since we got Ted we have been able to settle him with a chew and relax for a couple of hours in the evening. He is more relaxed and resting more during the day too and comes up for cuddles now which he never did before.  After working with two behaviourists and attending 3 training courses where I felt humiliated and a complete failure I have spent the last week feeling supported. CH

I was beginning to regret having a puppy and felt so frustrated and stressed that mine was going to be that puppy/dog that was out of control all the time! Thank you so much Beverley and team for this brilliant workshop I can now correct all my mistakes and see what a very clever little man in Stanley I have. We have come so far in just a week. SS

Beverley does this in her own precious time completely FREE. Her love of animals is obvious and to share her wisdom and proven techniques just shows what a truly wonderful and gifted person she is. TA

Aww, that’s enough! My mission is to improve life for dogs. And to do that I have to reach their owners. I am so happy that I have done just this!

You can learn about the Brilliant Family Dog Academy here, in our free Workshop, which is packed with lessons you can put into practice straight away!

What is the Academy? It’s the natural next step for you, when you’ve found out how well what I taught you in the Workshop works!

In the Academy we take you by the hand and paw, and lead you through a carefully-structured plan to teach your dog - finally! - all the things you need for a happy life with your pet.

You’ll see everything on this page here

And the great thing is you get support all the way! I and my team are there encouraging, teaching, answering questions . . . you’re not left alone to sink or swim.

I care about your success.

“My dog doesn’t listen to me!”

I did a quick survey amongst my readers recently.

I asked them:

“When you think of improving your life with your dog, what is the one thing that would make all the difference to you?”

And who knew?

The overwhelming majority of people said something along the lines of

“Listening to me”

“That she responds to me”

“If he started listening”

or just plain “Obedience”.

This was interesting, though perhaps not surprising.

For listening is the basis of any relationship!

With your spouse, your friends, your children - if none of them ever listened, this would not make for a rewarding relationship. Tempers would fray. Happiness would not be evident!

But what makes someone listen to you?

Everyone listens to the same radio station: WIIfm - “What’s in it for me?” If whenever they listen to you they get

a) no response from you, or

b) an earful

they’re not going to be too keen on listening the next time you utter.

So what can you do to make yourself more interesting to your dog? Without bribing, begging, cajoling, or pleading?

Watch our free Workshop and learn how to communicate effectively with your dog or your new puppy, right from the start!

Yep, it’s another of our hugely popular Workshops, coming up this very week. A way to start not just the New Year, but the New Decade, the way you would like to continue.

So far several thousand people have enjoyed these Workshops - and those who pay attention and do the work get fantastic results!

Here are a few comments from folk in previous Workshops:

Did two sessions already and his recalls outside improved. This is going to be a fabulous week!! Thank you so much! Veronica

“Getting very inspired and Ida is beside herself with joy. This course really works and not just for a week.” Diana

Thank you, Beverley Courtney, for a great learning experience this week. It has helped me realize how much my own attitude and tension influence my dog. You have given us skills, techniques and understanding in such a simple and clear way. Annabel

“So proud of how my little dog is progressing, thanks to what we are learning from Beverley, would never have thought it possible, but we’re steadily getting there!” Carol

You put the tools in front of us and give us the confidence to experiment! I so appreciate your clarity! Jud

“So, after day 3 I'm starting to think I've had a Brilliant Dog all along!” Jennifer

One of the best things I have done, the Workshop taught me so much. Karen

We’re putting the finishing touches to the Workshop now, to make sure you have a great experience, enjoy meeting a host of new friends who know just how you feel, and to ensure you get the results you want: A dog who listens!

And how can you get started? Have a look at this post and get started straight away.

We’ll be going into this in much more detail in the Live Trainings . . . Be sure to be there!

Your dog and Christmas visitors

Christmas is coming!

And your house will be filled with fun and laughter …

You’re expecting friends, family, children, grandchildren, which is all delightful and lovely - but your dog has never really met any children. And he’s alarmed by strange men in the house.

Christmas is a time of upheaval for dogs.

• Upheaval = stress

• Stress for your dog = stress for you, and for your guests!

So what can you do to minimise the stress? 

Preparation is key!

It’s getting a bit late for a major counterconditioning program, but there are things that can help the holiday season run smoothly.

If a baby will be on the guest list, get a blanket the baby has been sleeping in (and doing everything else in!) and leave it lying around for your dog to sniff for a while before the arrival. She'll gradually get used to the strange baby smells and it won’t be such a shock when the real thing (attached to a protective mother) arrives.

You can also use audio of babies crying on Youtube, gradually raising the sound level as your dog grows accustomed to it. Baby programmes on tv will also be helpful to watch with your dog and a stash of tasty treats. See this post about animals on tv, to guide you.

The most important thing is always to have a bolthole so your dog can choose to escape. If she can’t cope with the noise and hubbub, get her out of the way where she can continue her usual routine of sleeping for most of the day.

If you haven’t already got a cosy nest, make one now, and start using it STRAIGHT AWAY! Consider soft lighting, half-covering the crate, soft music (classical, like Mozart, is best - but you can also find stuff on Youtube). The music will not only soothe and calm your dog, but also muffle some of the sounds of the household.

If children are visiting, ensure the dog room is locked and you have the key! It only takes a moment for a curious, over-excited child to open the door, and there could be bad and sad consequences . . .

But here’s the best trick of all

Have ONE person responsible for the dog at all times, and when you need to, pass the con to someone specific for a specific length of time. And know when they’re going to hand responsibility back to you. You never want to hear “But I thought YOU were looking after the dog . . .”

If your dog is really uncomfortable with strangers, he doesn’t have to meet them at all. No, really - he doesn’t!

Though an on-lead - and muzzled if necessary - drive-through of the living room when the party has died down a bit, may help.

Meeting outside can be a very effective strategy - on a walk up and down the road outside your house. You can be close enough to chat to your guest without being so near that your dog gets agitated and barky.

Do NOT ask others to feed him. This is very conflicting.

If he wants to greet - or even look at - a visitor, you feed him.

Get in a stash of hooves, pigs’ ears, marrowbones, kongs, liver pate, peanut butter (xylitol-free), squeezy cheese - whatever your dog enjoys (not rawhide chews, which can be dangerous). Have them on hand so he can chew himself to sleep in his cosy den.

And please - NO cutesy photos of dogs and children. In most of the photos we see on the internet, the dog is actually very worried and the child is within an ace of being bitten or snapped at. See this image here, of a very alarmed dog who is trapped between child and chair. His mouth is already parting in a grumble. The adult nearby seems unaware . . .

It doesn’t have to be like this! This is what Sue had to say, after completing a Puppy Course with me:

The grandchildren can now come in and wander around and even eat a biscuit on the sofa and Jasper doesn’t bother them. He acts calmly around them now and has even stopped barking and growling at children we see when we are out and about! Massive improvements all round. Life is just wonderful! My dream dog!

Got a jumpy puppy?

It won’t do your puppy any good to get so excited he can’t control himself - or his bladder! This is another good candidate for meeting guests outside, so leaks won’t matter.

As to jumping up, if your pup is small enough you can carry him, if not, have him on lead so you can manage the greeting carefully. Encourage children to get down to puppy level to interact briefly (no rolling about on the floor please!) so the pup has no need to jump up.

But you really do need to practice this when people aren’t as high as kites, or “tired and emotional”!

Your puppy already needs 17 hours of sleep a day. Deprive him of any of that, and he can get overwrought and nippy. It can all end in tears! You must always have an adult actively supervising when the puppy is with the children.

So make sure you keep to his usual timetable of meals and sleeps, and use that hidden-away cosy den so he can really switch off.

Protect your dog from over-excited children and drunken guests!

He only has you to look out for him.

Be sure to honour his trust.

WANT THIS KIND OF SUCCESS FOR YOURSELF?

Watch our free Workshop right now and start on your lessons straight away!

Do you need information for your dog - or guidance?

You’ve got the new puppy - or your new rescue dog. You’ve got the bed, the crate, the foodbowl and some grub. You’ve booked a vet appointment, you’ve worked out responsibilities in the family, you’ve got the collar and lead.

Now what?

If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs - written for humans, but just as applicable to dogs - you’ll see that that’s the Physiological and Safety needs covered.

Next step up on the pyramid is Love and Belonging. This should happen naturally as you care for your new pet, always ensuring that he is happy with the arrangements, and feels secure and wanted.

And that’s where a lot of people stop. The dog is fed and minded, he gets walks and a cuddle from time to time, and that’s it.

Dog or Puppy problems? Get your free 8-lesson email course and solve them all painlessly!

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But what about the next two levels?

The Needs I’m particularly interested in are

• Esteem - including respect, self-esteem, and freedom - and

• Self-actualisation - becoming the best one can be

What? This is a DOG!

Well, like everyone else in your family, your dog will feel much better, more loved, more valued, if you allow him to become the best he can be.

And this means training.

Not “training” in the traditional sense of “Do this, do that, do what I say,” but education in the original sense of drawing out the subject’s mind, knowledge, ability.

This is where Choice Training comes in!

Brilliant Family Dog’s Choice Training is the quickest way to build a rewarding relationship with a dog who can make good decisions!

And this is also where you could probably do with a bit of help.

Is your dog stupid?

Many of us are brought up to believe that a dog is pretty stupid. That you have to SHOUT at her to get her to understand. That she is a robot who has to be programmed with COMMANDS then give instant compliance or reap the consequences. (How many of you expect instant compliance from your family when you make a request?!)

When you turn things round and ask your dog to comply, instead of telling her, magic begins to happen. See what this Brilliant Family Dog student said: 

I like choice training as it makes me think of my dog as a friend rather than as something to be ordered about all the time.

But this can be hard to get your head round without a bit of help. We are so programmed to expect the old-school way of dog training, that we may be tempted to go to classes which treat the dog as a chattel, and accept instructions to treat our dog in a way we would not dream of treating our fellow humans.

(I’m not blaming you if this is what’s happened. You wanted the best for your dog, so you went to someone who claimed to be an expert. How were you to know?)

But just imagine it’s your 2-year-old child on the end of that lead in class: do you think you’d behave differently?  

You need a guide you can trust -

✅ Someone who understands your needs as well as your dog’s needs.

✅ Someone who knows that this will all go so much better if we view our relationship with our dog as a partnership, rather than master-slave.

✅ Someone who can show you how to teach your dog to get the companion you want without going against any of your deeply-held values about how to treat others who share this planet with us.  

Now . . . who could that be? 😀

You can end the frustration!

At Brilliant Family Dog, I help frustrated dog-owners transform the whole dog+owner experience from challenge and conflict to harmony and friendship.

Unlike many trainers who work with force, intimidation, and coercion to get temporary results, Brilliant Family Dog can give you permanent change and a bright new future with your much-loved dog without you ever saying “Nooo”!

Really! You never, ever, have to say “NO” to your little puppy, or your new dog, who begins by feeling disoriented and lost in his new home. Think how much stress slips away when you remove that word from your interactions.

My approach is really very different from the traditional one, of dogs being marched endlessly round a hall with their lead being yanked. And I take you step-by-step through the foundations to ensure you get the results you work for.

When I asked my students what their biggest takeaway was, this is one of the answers I got! 

Should have gone to Beverley sooner

 To change your dog you need to change yourself first!

Watch our free Workshop and find out how to transform your “deaf dog” into a LISTENING DOG!

I love my dog AND I love my sleep!

One of the most common cries for help that arrives in my inbox at Brilliant Family Dog, is how to get a new puppy to sleep.

People tend to expect some sleepless nights when they have a new baby. But for some odd reason, many folk think that they’ll bring home a new puppy, play with him in the daytime, then plonk him in his basket and expect him to switch off for eight hours straight.

They get a rude awakening! Or rather, as they never get to sleep in the first place, a rude stay-awakening.

Your new puppy has been “snatched” from his comfy home, full of other playmates who doubled up as hot water bottles. He was undoubtedly confined to a small area by the breeder - no midnight ramblings! But once he arrives in his new home, he’s over-stimulated and exhausted all day, then parked in a strange large room - possibly providing him with furniture to chew and carpet and electric cables to pee on - with no company, no warm breathing fluffies, no heartbeats.

He’s cold. He’s lonely. He’s afraid.

(Yes, I know you don’t mean him any harm - on the contrary, you want to love him - and I’m sure your house is pleasantly warm. But he has no company, no-one to snuggle up with. He feels lost.)

So what does he do?

He SCREAMS! 🙀 😱 💥

Start the change with your puppy or dog with our free Workshop packed with ideas and strategies - all force-free!

How to by-pass the screaming

And it’s after a few nights of full-blooded screaming, which is rewarded by pyjama-clad owners continually going downstairs to fuss over him - sometimes even bringing their duvet and sleeping on the couch! - that I get the desperate emails.

So how about sorting this problem on Day 1?

How about planning things so that the screaming never happens?

We all know that habits can build fast, and if your puppy is spending half his night screaming and getting attention, this can fast become what he expects!

My recipe for peaceful nights from the very start, is this:

1. Use a crate, half-cover it, and

2. Shut the door.

3. Sleep the puppy in the crate in your darkened room, preferably right by your bed so you can sleepily dangle a hand down for him to sniff or lick.

4. If he seems very agitated at some stage, carry him outside, put on his lead and give him a chance to relieve himself. Then back to his crate - all virtually silent. No play, no chitchat, no food, no water.

As people unaccountably seem to find this difficult and want to add in all sorts of variations, I’ll give you some “don’ts” too:

1. Don’t leave food or water in the crate.

2. Ignore any stirrings for as long as possible.

3. Never wake him up!

4. Stop worrying about it.

My puppies - of various sizes - are all clean and dry by night by 10 weeks at the very, very latest. Some are clean and dry and sleep all night from their first night, at 8 weeks.

Mealtimes

Take a look at the timings of your puppy’s meals. At 8 weeks he should be on four a day. It takes a certain length of time for the food to transit the gut and emerge the other end.

So if your pup needs to poo in the night (assuming the poo is firm and doesn’t indicate a dietary or medical problem) you’ll need to adjust the mealtimes LATER. If he’s getting his last meal at 6 pm, for example, and it takes 10 hours to pass through him, then you have just set your alarm for 4 am!

How to know how long it takes to work its way through?

Great trick here: give him a carrot to chew and note the time. Dogs can’t digest carrot, so when you see orange chunks in his poo, note that time too. This will give you a pretty good idea of how to time his meals.

It’s a big responsibility having a new little person to look after. And when there is so much nonsensical advice and old wives’ tales thrown at you as well, it can be a worrying time.

But if you plan ahead and know that you’re doing the right thing, it all becomes so much easier!  

✅ You have needs.

✅ Your puppy has needs.

✅ Balance the two and you’ll both be zizzing all night within a day or two. 

But my dog’s not a little puppy!

Incidentally - the exact same applies if you’re rehoming an adult dog. She may never have been housetrained. Or she had to live outside. Or she had a totally different lifestyle from what you’re giving her. It can take at least two months for a new adult dog to settle into her new home. Meanwhile she doesn’t know which way is up!

She’s lost, disorientated … and she needs almost as much sleep as a new puppy does.

So follow the SAME RECIPE!

Ensure your new adult dog gets the same amount of downtime, and the same cosy den, as I’m suggesting for a new puppy. Dogs are keen to fit in - if they only knew what was wanted. So do just the same and enjoy your sleep.

Let me know how you get on!

Check other post that might help your brilliant dogs:

I have a new puppy: will I ever get any sleep again?

How much time does your dog spend sleeping?

How much does your dog sleep?

Errorless Housetraining and Crate Training

Puppy Crate training demystified

Have your puppy sleep ALL NIGHT from the first night! Get this free guide to show you how

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