Should you ignore your dog?

This is the question I received from a follower recently:

“Most trainers say that you should ignore your dog when you come home and they are happy to see you. Do you agree with this?”

It’s something I hear quite often, so I thought I’d address it here.

And I have to say it’s one of the battier things some so-called dog trainers promulgate.

When you arrive home, in the bosom of your family, and they greet you - the children running to clasp you round the knees, your partner calling out an offer of tea from the kitchen - would you ignore them? 

Would you walk past them, ignore them, see their faces crumpling with confusion? 

OF COURSE YOU WOULDN’T!

If you’re the slightest bit normal you are enchanted by this warm homecoming, and respond with delight and appreciation.

Same for dogs

Cricket is first in the queue for a hug after my trip away

So why on earth would you want to ignore your loving dog, who greets you with delight on your return?

I suspect some people get confused between love and discipline.

If you come home to find your possessions shredded, this is NOT your dog’s fault! He may have been lonely, distressed, bored. He may have smelt you on the object he chose to love to death and just wanted to be near you.

Whatever the reason: who left the dog with access to things you didn’t want him to have? 😳

This is simply a case of mismanagement. Fix that and there will never be any need for you to feel anything but delighted when you arrive home.

I have dogs because I love them, and their genuine pleasure at my return home is always important to me. 

Isn’t it for you too?

Comment below …

If you’re finding it difficult to establish the love and boundaries your dog needs so that you don’t need to worry about separation anxiety or dark deeds while you’re out, check out the books here: www.brilliantfamilydog.com/books 

Slow change works well for dogs

Change can come so slowly.

Too slowly for us rushers! We’re always in such a hurry to be in a hurry.

WHY? … But that’s for another day!

We try something once, then say “That doesn’t work!”

And sometimes things don’t seem to change at all. We seem to have been labouring over the same problems - for ever!

But if you look back - honestly look back - you’ll see there has been change.

“The only constant is change” As Heraclitus said, so long ago.  “Everything changes and nothing remains still; you cannot step twice into the same stream.”

Nothing stays the same - it’s always getting better or worse.

So.

This is where we have to take a dispassionate view.

Recordkeeping can be very helpful here. It’s undoubtedly useful, but few people stick to it. It doesn’t suit many people - too much navel-gazing!

But look what people who only see your dog occasionally say!

Perhaps they got all four paws in the stomach last time you met, and now your dog is sitting quietly.

They are impressed, and will tell you so.

Perhaps your dog was on full alert when you met last time, and is now able to mooch about and sniff.

So people feel more relaxed round you, and will let you know by stopping to chat.

Or maybe it was a full-on barking and lunging meltdown they witnessed, and now you have the sense to recognise trigger points and manage the situation so much better - so that your dog can pass this hornèd monster without reacting.

They smile and acknowledge you from a safe distance.

Compliments

I remember a lady I didn’t know passing me on the road one day, years ago, with my then challenging puppy who wanted to get everywhere at the speed of light.

“I’ve been watching you,” she said. “You’re doing so well!”

Wasn’t I pleased! And I’d had no idea of her existence while she watched me every day from her kitchen window.

People aren’t all judging us - as we may feel when our dog is acting up.

Most are actually sympathetic.

After all, who’s brought up children without a public tantrum in the supermarket?

Who’s not had to apologise to a neighbour for their small boy’s - shall we say “over-exuberance”? 😳

Who shall cast the first stone?

We’re all in the same boat

Relax!

You are doing the best you can.

Your dog is doing the best she can.

Your neighbours are doing the best they can.

It’s all just fine.

And really?

So much better than it was a year ago …

If your dog is of the Growly variety - barking, lunging, terrifying the neighbourhood and making you blush! - take a look at the Growly Dog books you’ll find here: www.brilliantfamilydog.com/books

You really can make a big difference!

Judging your dog prevents true compassion

“Judging your dog prevents true compassion.” 

What can this mean?

We judge everything every day.

Everything.

The weather, our breakfast, the person on the bus, our partner, our boss, ourselves.

“Judgy, judgy!” as Stanford Blatch would say. 😎

And we judge our dog.

The thing is, while we may judge all those other things - silently and faux-respectfully - we think our dog doesn’t know what we’re saying, so we judge him out loud.

“You’re a useless dog.”

“She’s stupid.”

“He’s stubborn.”

“She won’t listen to me.”

“You never …”

or its terrible twin,

“You always …”

✋ Stop!

Your dog understands exactly what you’re saying. While the nuance of what has caused this displeasure may be unknown to him, nevertheless, he knows full well that he has offended you in some mysterious way.

Trouble is, he has no way of knowing what you’d like him to do instead.

There’s immediately a barrier between you.

You’re not so nice to be around. He’s unsure of your reaction. The division grows.

 

Put the boot on the other paw

Imagine for a moment, that someone else was saying these things to you.

Useless.

Stubborn.

Stupid.

You never …

You always …

How would you feel?

Now just imagine the person saying these things was talking in another language.

Do you think you’d get the gist of their emotion?

Do you think you’d realise that something was amiss?

And what would you do to try to appease them?

This is where people will say “My dog knows when he’s done wrong,” because the dog is grovelling, “looking guilty”. In fact the dog is simply trying to appease you, just as you would try to appease that bully.

And if you could understand what was being said … imagine you’re a small child hearing your mother tell her friends, “She’s stupid, stubborn, useless …” and all the rest.

Even without having the ability to change things, you’d be squirming. You’d know you were in some way second-rate, not measuring up - a disappointment.

Dogs are just like us!

Dogs are sentient beings. That’s enshrined in law, in case you didn’t know.

This means they FEEL things.

Just as we do.

Please spare their feelings by speaking only kindly and encouragingly about them - just as a good parent would speak proudly and kindly about their child.

Labels

On top of the fact that the way we talk to, or about, the animals in our care is a humane issue, if you label children, friends, partners, or animals, like this, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

Why?

How can you expect your dog to respond intelligently, thoughtfully, responsively, if you’ve just labelled him thick?

It will colour the way you see your dog, and limit what you can teach him.

Did you hear of the experiment where a class was randomly divided in two? One teacher was told he had the brightest kids, the other that he had the stupid ones.

Guess what?

The two sections of the class diverged and fulfilled their description. The “bright” children excelled; the “stupid” children failed.

Yet they were, in fact, all the same.

How much damage can we do by passing judgment?

Can you see now, why “Judging your dog prevents true compassion”?

For a thoughtful, kind, and dog-friendly way of working with the dog in front of you (rather than the one you think you wish you had!) check out the books here.

You may also like to read:

LABELLING YOUR DOG AND YOURSELF

HOORAY FOR CHANGE FOR YOUR DOG! DISCARD THE OLD LABELS

How best can you help your dog learn?

There’s so much out there, but when it comes down to it, you need the best tuition for your particular circumstance, area, dog, and budget. 

I get lots of pleas for help from readers, and after answering their questions I always suggest one of my programs for them - to help them get the best results implementing force-free Choice Training with their particular dog.

It’s a bit of a mystery to many people, so guidance is really helpful for them.

But lest you think that I’m trying to make money out of everyone who crosses my path, I may say that I passionately want to improve the lives of all dogs, and this can only happen if their owners are up for it.

I know that for some, enrolling in a paid program is not an option, for reasons of time or money.

That’s why I give so many alternatives! 

Free articles

There are over 320 articles here at Brilliant Family Dog. All of them are free to read and learn from! Some have step-by-step lessons, and some are more to do with mindset shifts.

And many have free Guides or Cheatsheets that you can download. All free.

Free videos

Prefer to watch? You’ll also find plenty of instructional videos to watch here: https://www.youtube.com/@BrilliantFamilyDog

Free books

You’ll find free books available here too, in some of those articles. Whole, unabridged, free books!

Free courses

Then there are the hugely valuable free courses. There are email courses, with lessons sent to you over a period, giving you time to put the lessons into practice and be ready for the next.

And there are free videos. You’ll find a free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN! and a free Masterclass for Growly Dogs here. These contain important lessons to effect immediate change for you and your dog.

Books to buy

Gus demonstrates the efficacy of this particular book!

These are minimal cost! When I think what books used to cost when I was a child, when a hardback book was an important Christmas present …  I remember 12s/6d (about 65p in new money) being a common price for a book. A few sums with the help of Google reveals that that would be around £16 today. Now that would be an ok price for a present-day hardback. But look! We can get ebooks and audiobooks for a fraction of that price. What riches!

And you don’t need a special gadget to read or listen to these. Your phone or your laptop are quite sufficient.

Want to check out these silly prices? They’re even sillier if you buy direct from the author!

Paid programs

And at last we come to paid programs. And even here you can get some for silly money!

Tasters

These taster mini-courses are great starting-points to see if what I teach and the way I teach it will actually suit you and your dog, in your particular circumstance.

There’s one for puppies From Wild Puppy to Brilliant Family Dog, and one for older dogs From Challenging dog to Brilliant Family Dog

Premium programs 

And these are the jewel in the crown! The premium courses are where you get permanent access, personal tuition, you can submit video of your work, you have the wisdom and input of several trainers … and all for a remarkably low entry cost - equivalent to maybe 2 or 3 hours with a trainer locally.

I can tell you that all those features normally come with a large price ticket. In fact - with most programs you only have access for a few months, then you’re outta there. Or you have to cough up again.

I’m not trying to suck blood from you. I truly want to see dogs’ lives changed for the better. So I’m happy to have students returning years later - perhaps with a new puppy they want to take through the program as it worked so well with their previous dog. Or sometimes they’re back because their lovely dog has thrown up a new problem they need help with.

We’re there for them.

For good. (Well, technically, we’re there for the lifetime of the program.)

Where can you find these super-duper programs? Here you go:

Learning remotely

“But can I still learn without being in front of the tutor?”

Yes! You can!

I’ll let you into a secret … you see, most “dog training” is really “people training”. A realisation my students come to as the scales fall from their eyes and they see the truth.

Even at a face-to-face class, it’s the owner that the tutor is training. It’s then for the dog-owner to work directly with his dog to get the results they want in their life.  

No-one can train your dog for you!

You absolutely have to do it yourself. After all you’re the person the dog lives with 24/7 - makes sense, doesn’t it?

Personally I have benefitted hugely from remote learning programs, in many areas. You have to put in the work, of course - but they really work!

So I’m hoping that you can find something in this list that suits you, and that will bring you the results you’re looking for.

I and my trainer team are ready for you!

How often should I dose my dog?

Fleas! Ticks! Nasty beasties!

But there’s no need to get hysterical about them. Mankind has lived with them for aeons, so they ain’t disappearing any time soon.

I know that many dog-owners - especially first-time dog-owners - are guilted into signing up with their vet for monthly doses against invertebrates at large.

Monthly doses!

The logic behind this is, apparently, “To be sure, to be sure,” and “Just in case”.

So - do you take a headache pill every morning, just in case you get a headache?

Course you don’t! Most of us are averse to over-medication. Personally, it’s a last resort for me - only if absolutely necessary.

But I can see how this policy can make a nice income for the vet profession, and an even nicer one for the pharmaceutical companies behind it.

So apart from pumping unwanted chemicals into your dog, have a thought about what happens after the dose has washed off or gone through the dog’s system.

Where does the waste go? Into the water system and ultimately the ground. And what lives in the ground?

INSECTS!

Most of them highly valuable to keep our environment stable.

The last thing we need to be doing is using scorched-earth warfare against a few insects at the expense of the many - and ultimately ourselves.

Over 40% of insect species are threatened with extinction. And agro-chemicals including pesticides are a large driver of this decline.

Shockingly, just one spot-on treatment for a medium-sized dog contains enough pesticide to kill 60 million bees. There are estimated to be 15 billion honeybees in the UK, so if you dosed three dogs, that would account for 1% of them.

Think about that.

Use as indicated - or when needed?

My (super-healthy, long-lived) dogs and cats are treated only if fleas appear. I do it myself, having chosen a treatment that is not on the dangerous list (see Resources below).

And I only ever use half the recommended dose at most. It works perfectly well.

I’m convinced that the general health of the animal makes them resistant to parasitic invasions, hence they happen seldom here. I make a note of when I treat them. The last two times were 2018 and 2022 - both times when a visiting hedgehog was sniffed and a whole platoon of fleas hopped over.

[Hedgehog fleas can’t actually run their complete cycle on any animal but a hedgehog, so they would eventually have dropped off. But I didn’t want to spend weeks with us all scratching!]

Am I being eccentric?

And you may be thinking that I’m being eccentric or frivolous here. In which case you’ll be glad to know that these long-held opinions of mine are backed up by research.

This Position Statement from the British Small Animal Veterinary Association (BSAVA) is clear. One of their recommendations reads:

Concerns about the possible environmental impacts of small animal parasiticide products should be taken seriously by the veterinary profession, pharmaceutical industry, and animal owners.

“Animal owners” is us. We are part of the problem. We have to play our part in doing something about it.

Overuse can, of course, lead to resistance in the target population - as can be seen in agriculture where these chemicals are widely used.

This maybe sums up the BSAVA opinion: 

As part of their responsible prescribing measures, veterinary professionals should avoid blanket treatment and instead risk-assess use of parasiticides for individual animals.

Sledgehammers for nuts, anyone?

RESOURCES:

BSAVA Position Statements

BVA, BSAVA and BVZS policy position on responsible use of parasiticides for cats and dogs

Guide to Conventional Treatment Options for Fleas and Ticks

Choosing More All-Natural Tick Repellents

More Concerning News Regarding Flea and Tick Products for Companion Dogs and Cats

Worldwide decline of the entomofauna: A review of its drivers

Parasiticide use needs overhaul. Study

Got a reactive dog?

It’s a tough time for growly dogs - anxious, shy, fearful, “aggressive” dogs. 

Why?

Because, up in the top half of the planet, it’s been Winter.

And that means short days.

If you have a reactive dog, you’ll know exactly what the significance of this is!

It means there’s fewer hours of daylight for everyone to walk their dogs, therefore it’s much harder to avoid other people and their dogs on walks.

You have my sympathy - I know just what this is like!

Meeting or NOT meeting other dogs?

Now, you may be saying, “But how will my dog ever get better if he never meets other dogs?”

And I understand why you may think this.

You may have been given the idea that socialising your dog means exposing him to every dog possible, regardless of his reaction.

But in fact, he needs to learn how to cope with the world without the challenge of a strange dog looming towards him. Only then will he be able to manage passing another dog (or person - whatever it is that worries him, though we’ll stick with “dog” for now, as that’s usually the trigger) and not panic.

Once he has confidence that you will ensure he “never has to meet another dog again”, then he’ll know that there is a choice.

He doesn’t have to shriek and yap and leap about when he sees another dog coming, putting on a fearsome show of teeth, because he has learnt - from you - that you can both move away and not have to confront the oncoming dog.

How calm will that make him feel?

How safe will he feel?

See the dog ahead that Hector is able to avoid! 

No-one wants to go through life feeling scared. And you can help your dog to get braver and stop panicking with a few simple-to-teach techniques and some really useful strategies.

One of the quickest to teach is the Emergency Turn.

You’ll find the steps detailed in my free Masterclass for Growly Dogs here.

And once you’ve discovered the ease and joy of making your walks - even in these busy few hours of light - comfortable and fright-free, you may like to delve further into what I can show you.

That Masterclass will also introduce you to the From Growly Dog to Confident Dog program, with individual coaching and many lessons.

And you can get my renowned Growly Dog books direct from the author here

Perhaps you’ll find, like EB and GS here, that you can make a huge difference to your dog walks, your dog’s happiness, and your own peace of mind - with these simple, kind, methods.

“We have been using your approach to training our growly dog now for about 6 months and have seen an incredible difference! We love your kind approach to training our dog. Wow! Your kind, positive methods really work. I can't thank you enough.” EB

“Just wanted to let you know, as a professional dog trainer, I loved your three Growly Dog books.  Have recommended to all my reactive owners as you explain so simply and clearly what they need to learn, without baffling them with science. Just brilliant. I read a lot of books, articles and papers but rarely are they appropriate for pet owners to read and understand so these are just perfect.” GS