How close is too close for your dog?

Let’s think of ourselves first.

• How close is too close to your child?

• How close is too close to your friend?

• How close is too close to your postman?

• How close is too close to a stranger asking directions?

• How close is too close to a drunk, shouting in the street?

Clearly, you’ll have a different answer for each question. Our personal space requirements vary from situation to situation. They also vary across the planet.

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The Japanese, for instance, prefer a larger personal space than many Westerners are used to, and it may not be breached by touching! That is the height of insolence.

So the personal space we have which is an essential survival mechanism can also be affected by culture and learning.

Our dogs are just the same!

What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

Dogs too have a personal space. 

But because dogs are so fast, their personal space is much larger than ours. And the cultural differences come in too, in the form of breed characteristics. 

Companion dogs who have been bred to stay close to their owners will tend to manage with a smaller space. If you have a guarding or guardian breed - then they alert to anything that shouldn’t be on or near their “patch”. Their space is huge. 

These are factors you need to keep in mind when out and about with your dog.

What is an acceptable space for you to pass someone on the street, may not be acceptable to your dog. You will have to teach her that the passing person has been assessed by you as non-threatening, and does not need to be jumped up on, barked at, or grabbed while passing.

Fitting into our way of life is not straightforward for our dog. We kind of assume they’ll just come ready-programmed to respond the same way we do. But we have been learning for twenty years (or many more!) how to relate to our fellows, and have a headstart by virtue of the fact that we are the same species. 

Teaching your dog the social skills necessary to fit in with our world is essential. But it shouldn’t go against your particular dog’s natural instincts. You chose that breed because of her characteristics. So you need to work with them to achieve a dog who is comfortable in the places we take her.

And how about other dogs?

When it comes to your dog’s personal space with regard to another dog, then that space is bigger again! 

So passing someone on the street within your personal space may work for your dog. If that person has a dog with them, it may change things entirely! 

If your dog tends to shoot first and ask questions later, then changing your response to passing people with dogs will make your walks infinitely more comfortable and stress-free. You need to develop a kind of radar scanner on the top of your head, which will pick people and dogs out at a great distance, giving you time to plan your getaway. While your dog is seeing the oncoming dog, you can post some quick treats into her mouth, then with a cheery “Let’s go!” turn and head along your escape route, giving more treats all the while. 

You can simply cross the road, wander down a side-road or driveway, or even turn and go the other way till there is sufficient space to pass. Playing a quick focus game with your dog will help.

As any tension we feel in a situation rapidly passes down the lead to our dog, then minimising our stress levels will help to lower hers. So, instead of seeing a dog approaching, hoisting the lead up to your chest and winding it six times round your hand as you gasp - sure to get your dog saying “Who? Where? What have I got to bark at?” - try doing the exact opposite:

When you see a dog coming, your first response will be to relax your shoulders, relax your hands, and breathe out,

Just this new habit alone will make a tremendous difference to your walks. It’ll help to keep your dog calm, and when your dog is calm - you can be calm. And when you are calm - your dog can be calm! It’s a virtuous circle you want to get into, and it starts with you changing your response to an oncoming dog.

That response is totally understandable, if in the past an oncoming dog has resulted in your dog reacting - barking, lunging, as if her life depended on it. But, while understandable, it’s not helpful!

Maybe your walk will take a little longer with these detours. As long as you’re both enjoying it - who cares?

For some solid advice on how to manage your reactive dog so that walks are less stressful all round, get your free email course here.

And there’s lots of help for you in Essential Skills for your Growly but Brilliant Family Dog: Books 1-3: Understanding your fearful, reactive, or aggressive dog, and strategies and techniques to make change

Is there hope for my growly dog?

People sometimes approach me for help when they’ve just about reached the end of their tether. They’ve tried this trick and that idea - usually things that their next-door neighbour suggested, or something they saw on one of the more sensational dog-training programs on tv - and their dog is getting worse.

It’s a shame they’ve let things go on for so long, as just like us and our piano lessons - practice makes perfect! The more your dog is allowed to do the thing you don’t like, the more he’ll do it.

But I’m usually able to cheer them up and show them that there is hope for their dog! I have never yet come across a fearful, anxious, reactive, growly (choose your name) dog that does not improve with force-free training.

And usually the change is dramatic.

People find that not only is there light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel itself is much shorter than they thought.

Once they understand why their dog is acting as she is, that she’s not all bad but that she just has difficulties in some areas of her life, and that what they do can have an enormous impact on their dog’s confidence, they happily launch into the training offered.

They start seeing results immediately. Suddenly they’re able to rejoin the human race! They can take their dog on outings, perhaps for the first time ever; they can enjoy picnics again; they no longer have to hide from other people and dogs like a vampire cowering from the sunlight.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

So if you are despairing of your dog’s anti-social behaviour, seek help now. Don’t wait till there’s much more to undo, when your dog’s confidence may be at rock-bottom. There’s no time like the present, and - as long as you’re working with an experienced, qualified, force-free trainer - you will get results.

If the problem is reactivity to strangers or other dogs, a Certified Behavior Adjustment Training Instructor is what you want. There may not be one in your area, but many will work remotely, using video and Skype for their sessions.

While anyone can call themselves a dog trainer (and then appear on tv spouting dangerous advice), the true professional trainer or behaviourist has spent years, and lots of money, on studying and qualifying in their chosen field. They will belong to an organisation which has a clear code of practice to adhere to, and they will be continually studying, learning, and growing their knowledge and understanding. Many professionals who work with reactive or growly dogs have learned because of having a growly dog of their own - so they are very sympathetic. No-one will look down their nose at you and your dog!

Be ready to put in plenty of work yourself. The trainer - however good - cannot wave a magic wand over your dog! It’s you who lives with your dog, so it’s you who needs to work with her. But you will get a carefully-crafted program with plenty of resources to help you succeed.

You are not alone! And just that realisation goes a long way. As one correspondent wrote to me:

“When my amazing, cuddly, lovable dog starting acting very reactive on the leash, I felt totally alone! I would watch other people walk their dogs calmly down the street, passing people, kids on bikes, other dogs, and I was so jealous of them. Everything you write about describes my dog perfectly and it is so nice to know that a) There are many other people dealing with this, and b) There is hope!”

Your dog’s behaviour may mystify you, but there is help out there. Your first stop? Get our free email course for Growly Dogs. 

And for an in-depth, guided online course with masses of support, start with this free Masterclass

Resources:

Free 4-part Growly Dog e-course

CBATI Directory

Pet Professional Guild

Association of Pet Dog Trainers UK

Association of Pet Behaviour Counsellors UK

Karen Pryor Academy

Is your dog throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Masterclass and find how to change things fast!

 

Keep your distance! Help for fearful dogs

Imagine you’re afraid of spiders. Or mice. Would you be happy to see a spider or a mouse sitting on the table in front of you, or would you feel easier if said spider or mouse were more like fifty feet away?

Your dog is exactly the same!

He’ll feel much more relaxed when he’s a comfortable distance away from something that frightens him. And for dogs who bark ferociously at strange dogs they see on walks, the further that dog is from him, the easier it will be for him to stay calm and not react as if the ravening hordes were descending on him.

It’s a very simple first step to making your poor, frightened, anxious, stressed-out, dog feel happier about the world he has to live in. You may think your dog is aggressive, but the chances are he’s actually just afraid.

Distance is not the total solution to dog reactivity, of course. But just see what a difference this one step made to Chris and her family:

“My husband who walks the dogs has taken on board your tips and is amazed at the change in her. He comes home saying, ‘We passed five dogs and she didn't bark once!’“

When you’ve got this working, and your dog knows you’ll always keep your distance from other dogs, and never make him go right up to them (this perhaps in the mistaken belief that all dogs love to play), life will suddenly become much easier.

How distant is this distance?

This really will vary from dog to dog, and from place to place. There are other things coming into play that will influence your dog’s reactions too, like when he last ate, when he last felt the need to bark at another dog, upsets in the home, fireworks, a change in routine, and so on.

So you have to find out what distance will work for your dog. This could be 20 yards, though it’s more likely to be 50 or 100 yards. Observe him and see when he’s sufficiently relaxed to be able to look away from the other dog, and to respond to you. Now you’ve found the distance to aim for.

Next time he may manage to be a bit closer to another dog (say, 5 yards closer), or he may need to be further away still!

Keep in mind that if your dog is on edge and hating every moment of your walks together, then there’s no need to keep doing them.

Really!

There is no law that says your dog must run the gauntlet of his fears on a daily basis. How would you feel if you had to confront all those spiders and mice at close quarters every time you stepped out of the door?

For exercise, you’ll do better having a fast fun game of fetch or chase in the garden. If you don’t have a garden, then drive to a suitably open space - as dog-free as possible - and enjoy your game there.

And for lots more help with your barky, growly, dog - get our free e-course to turn things round without force, shouting, or yanking the lead!

Peace and calm are on their way to you.

Is your dog throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Masterclass and find how to change things fast!