We have a deep desire to fit in, to find our box. And we have an equally strong desire to place everyone else in the box we choose for them - and expect them to stay there. I remember a teacher who would move a troublemaking child to the desk right in front of her, saying “Sit there where I can keep an eye on you.”
You want to be able to control other people (more about the hopelessness of this task further down the page . . .) and you think that by controlling them you can keep control over your whole world.
If we needed any further evidence of the futility of this plan, recent global events should have shown us!
But while we may acknowledge that we can’t control the mass of humanity, or a tiny virus, we may still continue to try to control our family, our neighbours, our dog, and anything that doesn’t fight back!
Labels
And the easiest way to do this is to apply a label.
“Once you brand yourself with a label – you have created an identity for yourself. Once you create an identity for yourself – it’s human nature to instinctively, impulsively, and unconsciously defend that identity.” Randy Gage
So - “You are lazy,” “I am a slow reader,” “My dog is stubborn,” “I’m too old for that,” “You are untidy,” “My dog never comes when he’s called,” “I’m no good at business,” are all labels that we have applied at some time to ourselves, another person, or our dog.
And then the label kinda stuck.
In fact, these are all just thoughts.
And did you know, you can think anything whenever you want to!
You don’t think the same thoughts you did as a small child - about school, food, toys. You shouldn’t even be thinking the same thoughts as you did last week! We’ve moved on . . . So why think the same thoughts you did as a small child about your place in life, your value, your potential contribution?
It’s so easy for us to get sucked into actually believing this nonsense we come out with! It’s so easy for us to take up a protective posture with regard to these thoughts, as Randy says, and defend them to the death!
Your neighbour may see you as a friendly or an irritating resident. Your children may see you as an inspiration or a burden. Your dog may see you as the centre of his world or a killjoy. These thoughts are all in the mind of the observer. And they may all be true for them!
But they don’t have to be true for us.
Where does my dog fit into all this?
Your dog is just as able to change as you are. And all those people you plonk in boxes, hoping they’ll stay there, classified, so you don’t have to worry about what you think about them any more, can also change - in a moment, on a whim, without your permission.
If you remove the labels, especially from your dog, you may find a completely different relationship growing between you.
I can help you so much with your dog! Those of you with difficult, reactive, anxious, aggressive - Growly - dogs will get a great start with our free Masterclass
When I suggest to people that the “rescue dog” they’ve had for 5 years or 5 days is no longer a “rescue dog” but their dog, it is a revelation for many of them. Just removing that label alone transforms their way of being with their dog, their emotional response to their dog, their responsibilities, their acceptance.
What labels are you - perhaps unconsciously - applying to yourself and to your dog, and defending to the death?
And how would it affect your life if you consciously discarded the labels you have for yourself? Isn’t it time to bring them into the daylight and have a look at them dispassionately?
And if you’re troubled by your inability to peel off these labels from yourself, to clamber out of your self-imposed box, I’d love to help you with this, as I have helped others in the same predicament!
Contact me and let’s open a conversation about how you can change things and have a brighter future - whether for your dog or for that very important person: yourself.