Why do people want to fight with their dog?

I’m not, of course, talking about people organising dogfights - which is barbaric and against the law in most civilised countries.

What I’m talking about is the need people often have when they get a dog, to order it about, “command” it, make it do things, stop it doing things, control it, in general have a master-slave relationship.

Do they get a dog because they need someone to boss about?

Thing is, this is a-a-a-a-ll conflict.

Conflict-based.

This is what leads them to complain that their dog is “stubborn”, “defiant”, “ignores me”.

The way some people want to be with their dogs is centred on conflict.

And it’s a mystery to me!

Love

The great dog trainer and trailblazer in how we treat our performance dogs is Susan Garrett.

And she saith:

Dog training is really relationship building

 This is what it’s all about, guys!

It’s not about making your dog do something, or stopping it doing something.

It’s about developing a relationship with your dog, living a full and enjoyable life with another creature. From another species, sure - but a sentient being who can work things out, solve problems, seek pleasure, who has fears, likes and dislikes, JUST LIKE US!

Remember Shylock’s impassioned speech in The Merchant of Venice?

“If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?”

He was talking about being a Jew. He could have been speaking as a dog, or any other animal!  

Frustration

If you’re frustrated with your dog on a daily basis, I suggest that it’s because you are looking for Confrontation and Conflict on a daily basis.

It’s an “I’m right, so you must be wrong” approach. Whereas anyone who has ever lived happily with another person knows that it’s Compromise and Compassion that win the day.

If you’d like to find a better way to live with your dog - to banish conflict from your life and have fun instead - start with our free Workshop here and sprinkle a little stardust in your home!

Double standards for dog owners?

Here’s something to puzzle over. I had the unedifying experience of someone trying to explain to me that the use of pain-giving equipment on dogs was perfectly acceptable.

“I don’t use force, I only correct,” he said blithely, going on to explain how he used choke collars, prong collars and electric shock collars (which he calls ‘remote collars’ to make them sound ok):

“I make it a positive experience for the dog,” he went on, “It’s just a way of communicating with the animal that they understand.”

😱   😱   😱   🥵

Well - where to begin?!

There’s so much wrong here that it’s hard to know where to start.

What about this question: “How can pain ever be ‘a positive experience for the dog’?”

And how about this one: “Do you beat children too, and give them electric shocks?”

I did ask those questions - and they were, naturally, unanswered. I just got more flannel about how to “use correctly” these instruments of torture. And that “positive reinforcement makes dogs nervous”. 😮

My thoughts on this “way of communicating”

“It’s just a way of communicating with the animal that they understand,” he said.

Yes, I would understand if you stuck sharp metal things into my neck and exerted pressure.  

And yes, I would understand if you gave me an electric shock.

But what would I understand?

◆          I would understand that I was a victim.

◆          I would understand that apart from avoidance there was nothing I could do in the face of this barrage of pain.

◆          I would understand that you don’t like me, don’t understand me, and have no intention of learning about my feelings.

This all leads to learned helplessness, disengagement, and no learning beyond fear.

Is that how we want to live with another creature? A creature we’ve invited into our home to share our life? Is that how we treat our children, our work colleagues, our friends?

It’s true that in the very early days (long, long ago!) I tried choke chains, because that was the thing back then. But for the great majority of my life I’ve used nothing stronger than a soft collar, and usually only a properly-fitted harness.

I am happy to say that in all the many years I’ve been training dogs, I’ve never been bitten.

I’m proud of my dogs’ achievements, and even prouder of what my students have achieved. Dogs who were on the brink of being ‘rehomed’ are now loyal and much-loved companions.

“It was as if a light bulb had been turned on in my head.” - a happy client

What’s more, this way of treating the other creatures we live with spills over into better decisions at home and at work with them thar humans too!

Once you give someone - be it a child, a dog, or a spouse - a choice, you get willing engagement and active problem-solving.

And you can sleep at night.

Find out how to teach your dog without any need for punishment and nasty collars!

Here’s a FREE WORKSHOP to get you started.

 

My dog walker says my reactive dog is FINE!

Many people choose to employ a dog walker to exercise their dog.

It may because of being out at work all day, or physical infirmity, or many other reasons.

There are two things to consider here:

1. If you’re not enjoying getting out and about with your dog every day, what did you get a dog for?

2. By abdicating responsibility for his outings, you are handing someone else - possibly not sufficiently skilled - the task of managing and teaching your dog (for your dog is learning every moment of every day!). And this is compounded when your dog is reactive - anxious, shy, “aggressive” . . . Growly.

Knowledge and understanding of reactivity

I’ll take no.2 first.

If you know your dog is reactive, then it may be better for you to avoid having someone else manage his interactions with the outside world.

Dogwalking is an unregulated business. This means that anyone can set up as a dogwalker, with ZERO knowledge of dog training the ordinary dog, never mind a reactive one.

Now, there are some excellent, knowledgeable, dogwalkers. They have studied the subject, they know how to manage a reactive dog, and they’ll be keen to follow your instructions regarding how you do this (force-free and fear-free, of course!).

These unicorn dogwalkers will probably take your dog out solo or with a very small carefully-selected group. Got one of these walkers? HANG ON to them! They are rare beings.

I frequently find that a student dog’s increasing agitation and inability to cope with the existence of other dogs has stemmed from - or been exacerbated by - being walked by one of these inexpert walkers.

And these are the ones who will say, “Yes! Your dog is FINE!” Sadly, they are unaware of what is really going on and therefore have no idea of the damage they may be doing by mishandling the situations that arise.

Dogs are simple souls. And it won’t take many incidents where your dog feels unhappy, for him to don a suit of armour whenever the lead is put on. In other words, his reactivity will increase.

What can I do?

So now you’re saying, “I’m unable to exercise my dog - what on earth can I do?”

And before you plump for all-day daycare, be aware that the same problems exist there. There are very few establishments - in my experience - to whom I would entrust my reactive dog. Like the unicorn dogwalkers, they do exist! But you may have to hunt hard to find them in a location convenient to you.

My own solution, if I have to be out for the day, is to have one of these wonder-walkers visit my home and entertain the dogs there. The active dogs play in the garden with their new friend, the dozy ones enjoy a cuddle instead. The walker can make herself coffee and take a break with them. But they don’t walk anywhere!

If this is you, you are missing out!

Back to Point no.1.

Why did you get a dog?

Presumably to share your life with, to teach, to enjoy, to cuddle, to nurture, to get you out of your armchair and into nature . . .

If you hand what is possibly the most exciting part of your dog’s day to someone else, you are missing out!

You are missing the joy of seeing your dog interact with the world, run, jump, sniff and snuffle, chase frisbees, climb, explore - and seeing his pleasure at doing it all with you.

I realise there are those who for physical reasons are unable to walk their dog. Maybe it would be possible to drive to a suitable place and sit down and enjoy watching their dog’s freedom and joy?

And if you’re out at work all day - how about carving out a space early in the morning or after you get home? Be aware that your dog doesn’t need to be walked every day! This joy should not be a burden. And the reactive dog will benefit hugely from the reduction in stress this will bring.

This is such a valuable part of your dog’s life that you want to make every effort to enjoy it with him!

And if your dog is reactive - he needs YOU to be with him to help him cope with our world.

Want some help on managing your reactive dog?  

Get our free e-course with extensive lessons on how to get started on a force-free way of helping her.  

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The right dog bed for your dog, and you!

Some dogs like luxurious dog beds, some are more Spartan. Some dogs like to burrow into their beds and make a nest, others are happier dozing on top of the kennel with a layer of snowflakes covering them . . .

I know because I have a Whippet who thinks almost exclusively about her own comfort, and Border Collies who have coats designed to keep them warm in a blizzard on a Scottish mountainside.

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You need dog beds that are serviceable and easy to wash for the working dogs in the family and beds that are cosy and warm for the lapdogs (for when there is no lap available!).

The advantage of having a dog bed that your dog actually likes is that you can position the bed where you want your dog to be when he’s switched off, then you don't have to be tripping over him every time you turn round.

I have beds under one of the worksurfaces in the kitchen instead of cupboards. That's where the crate goes too, when we have a new dog in the household.

Keep it clean

I think the most important factor of a dog bed - from the owner’s point of view - is its cleanability. You don't want nameless stains showing up on your carefully laundered bed! That's where a patterned finish is handy. A removable machine-washable cover is ideal, and I find the fleece that you can buy by the yard is excellent. You can bio wash it or hot wash it in the machine, and it dries in no time. Great beds for dogs who like to bundle them up, carry them to their preferred spot, and hide their toys in them. You can easily fit them into a car crate too.

I have hard floors downstairs, so the 2-metre lengths of fleece double as beds and non-slip walkways. These can be very useful at corners where puppies and old dogs in particular are likely to slip in their haste. This can cause serious ligament damage.

Also in the car you can have tough plastic-backed blankets or even fully fitted dogproof seat covers. Just imagine how much time that's going to save you picking up hairs and mud! But your best option for the car is washable beds inside a fitted crate. See this post for more info.

It all depends on the dog

Tunnelling dogs will appreciate a cosy bed to dig down into. They tend to be thin-coated dogs, like Terriers and Whippets. Cricket the Whippet took some time to learn how to get herself under her duvet without needing help every time she wanted to get into her bed. But now she’s a pro and can whoosh herself in and under in seconds.

Such dogs often like to sleep in heaps. A pair of noses peeping out from a pile of lambskins is very appealing, as you can see here with Sky and Bolt.

As to the wicker basket so beloved of artists and birthday card designers . . . well, they may look good, but don't put your dog in one till you're quite sure he won’t chew it to shreds. Not only will it make a mess of your costly bed, but lengths of willow are not easily digested!

Instead, get one of those hardshell dog beds which are easy to sweep out and hose down. They can take up a lot of space but are excellent for keeping the dog’s bedding in one place.

That’s MY bed!

The important thing about your dog’s bed is that it’s his! He must know that he can rest there in peace without being trodden on, badgered by children, hugged by affectionate toddlers, or shoved off it onto the floor by another dog (or cat!). He needs somewhere he can relax and treat as his den.

If you have multiple dogs be sure you've got a bed per dog plus one extra so you never get arguments over beds. It’s easy enough to teach them to share - either to share a bed together, or move round to a different bed - though this can result in some comical sights when the cat commandeers the big dog bed and the big dog tries to squish into the cat donut!

In my own household of four very different dogs, we have flat memory foam beds for the hot dogs (Collie and English Shepherd), and heat-reflective bed with duvet for Cricket the Whippet - along with tunnel beds and soft cushionbed-on-armchair for her, so her majesty can select the right bed at the right time! Coco Poodle is happy in his fleece-lined bucket bed at night, and chooses to perch on lambskin-covered footstools in the day.

At the last count there were 14 dog beds here and 3 cat beds, though these are often shared.

What bed do you find best for your dog?

Do You Dream Of Your Dog Flying Back To You Every Single Time You Call? Start Here!

First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission

What would it mean to you if you could give one call, and your dog zoomed in and arrived at your feet? Every time!

Hard to imagine? Maybe.

Possible? Most definitely!

Fun? Very much so. (If it’s not fun, your dog won’t do it. So there’s lots of fun!)

Little by little

The problem is that many people think their dog comes with a recall installed.

No! Whether a puppy or a rescue, you’re getting Dog 1.0 - the basic version. Upgrades are installed through hours of fun and games, aka force-free dog training.

When your new little puppy arrives, you may be tempted to think she has a great recall because she quickly finds you. This is just her infant clinginess.

Like a lamb at foot, the young puppy tends to keep close to her minder. Once she starts to grow a bit, in confidence as well as in size, you’ll find that infant clinginess will evaporate.

And if that’s what you’ve been relying on, you are now up the creek without a paddle.

So you need to get in early, ensuring that you use that time when your puppy wants only to be with you, to build a thumping good recall. Naturally, with a puppy of a few weeks old you’re only going to teach through games!

The secret is to keep those games going as your dog gets older, so they will always choose you over the distraction they were about to hurtle towards.

Toddler and pup both doing great recalls. Illustration from "Here Boy!"

Old School training

In days gone by (thankfully), people didn’t start teaching dogs till they were six months old or so - the reason being they had to be tough enough to stand up to the harsh treatment meted out to them.

What a trick they missed!

All those early weeks and months when your puppy is like a sponge soaking up new information!

Why on earth let your pup run wild for months learning to do all kinds of things you don’t want her to do - then say, “Right, now I expect you to behave differently.”?

So with your new puppy, start the day she arrives.

With a new rescue dog you may have a lot of history to work against. The easiest way to achieve what you want is to imagine this is a new puppy and teach the exact same way.

First things first

There are two things you need to be clear on before you start:

1. If you don’t want your dog to do something, then don’t let it happen

So if you have any suspicion your dog may run off and not come straight back - highly likely in a new rescue dog - then you need to learn how to use a long line safely (not an extendable lead) while you teach your super instant recall.

This does not mean you never let your puppy off-lead! This will not teach her anything except to want to get away from you.

Your dog must be free in order to make a choice to come back. But only let her off-lead in an enclosed area. Gradually your dog will earn her freedom in larger areas.

2. Everyone on the planet listens to the same radio station: WII fm

WII fm? That’s “What’s in it for me?”

Your dog will be making a choice whether to hare after the distraction or shoot back to you. What’s in it for her?

You need to make your recall games such fun that her response becomes automatic. And an easy way to train in any kind of knee-jerk reaction - so that her recall goes onto auto-pilot - is to use rhythm and patterning in your games.

Step by step

When you were learning to read, you were not given a copy of James Joyce’s Ulysses and told to get on with it!

You were taught shapes of letters or words and their sounds, gradually slotting those jigsaw pieces together till you could hit a line of text running, read it and understand it.

So letting your dog wander off then calling her and expecting her to know what to do is just as mad as giving your toddler Ulysses.

The very first thing your pup needs to learn is that her name means good things, and only good things. You should never use your dog’s name if you are frustrated or annoyed with her. Any other word! - but not her name.

Rollo is happy to be racing back to me! An Illustration from "Here Boy!"

Here’s a simple game to get you started. Watch out for other family members as well as yourself. You may be surprised at how much negativity is being attached to your dog’s name on a daily basis!

1. Say dog’s name once

2. When she responds - by raising an eyebrow or hurtling towards you and crashing into your legs - reward her with something good

3. Repeat at every opportunity throughout the day

4. Enjoy your dog

What should her reward be? That’s something that you should be finding out if you don’t already know!

What does she like?

🐾  A run and laughter?

🐾  A piece of cheese?

🐾  A game with you and a toy?

🐾  A game of chase?

Whatever “is in it for her” is what you use to reward her response to her name.

One day her willing and instant response to her name may save her life. Be sure to take time building that response.

And for a step-by-step guide to a lightning-fast recall - every time - go and take a look at Here Boy! Step-by-step to a Stunning Recall from your Brilliant Family Dog, the fourth in the series of Essential Skills for a Brilliant Family Dog, available in ebook, paperback, and audiobook. Go now, and you can be reading it within minutes!

Picture this: your dog is racing towards another dog, you call her name - once - and she spins and races back to you at the same speed, arriving with a smile on her face and a happy waving tail, saying, “Didn’t I do well?”

This can be you and your dog!

Want to teach your dog to LISTEN?

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I’ve tried everything to change my dog …

I hear this loads!

◆           “I’ve tried everything …”

◆           “I tried this once and it didn’t work”

◆           “Nothing will change my dog.”

And I can tell you that you are mistaken. This should be music to your ears! There is a way forward, an end to your present frustration. Let’s have a look at these statements, one by one:

1. “I’ve tried everything …”

There are so many different methods in the world to train your dog - you can’t possibly have tried all of them! And there an awful lot you shouldn’t try at all, as they’ll actually make your dog worse. There are sadly, still many “dog trainers” and “dog behaviourists” who are - to put it bluntly - talking through their hats.

They dwell in a murky past where we are in control, and our dogs must do our bidding - or else. It’s the same mentality that used to beat children for naughtiness or “impure thoughts”. It’s been discredited for so long now, that I wonder which stone these people have been lurking under, that they have completely missed all the scientifically-backed discoveries about how our dogs’ minds actually work, and how we can get them to work in our favour.

You may have been misled by one of these people. It’s very hard for the “ordinary dog-owner in the street” to recognise them. And you went along with their suggestions, trying to do your best for your dog, only to discover that these actions made you feel sick, and made your dog worse into the bargain. Already afraid of the world, he’s now afraid of you - his only ally.

This comment from a student is something I see all too often:

“I never went back [to the class] but feel guilty to this day at having exposed him to that extreme and relentless intimidation, and not speaking up there and then.”

On the one hand it’s good because now this person has found a better way. But on the other hand it’s sad that they still feel guilty about it. I was able to reassure this person:

“We can only do our best with the information we have at the time. And you were doing your best. Sadly, those ideas are still prevalent in many places. So start from where you are. Don't worry about what went before.” 

This student is now enjoying working with her dog, not against him, and seeing real progress. “We love the games - so effective!”

Even if you work with trainers who genuinely espouse positive reinforcement, if you’re “trying everything”, it suggests that what you’re trying isn’t working! If you’re struggling with a dog who you can’t connect with, or who is overcome with fear or fury when out on a walk, then you need someone who has worked through all this already, and who can guide you through a structured program to achieve the change you desire.

Guess who?

Not got a Growly Dog, just a naughty one?

Check out our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN!

2. “I tried this once and it didn’t work”

Can you guess what I’m going to say here?!

BABY STEPS! 👣 🐾

We didn’t learn Calculus in Kindergarten. We started by counting buttons. Only gradually did we get the results we now have in arithmetic (and yes, you can do sums, even if you don’t like them much!).

Learning a new process to work through with your dog is just the same. It’s not something you can try, inexpertly, once - then dismiss. You need to commit to making the effort your dog deserves. Only by working through the given steps and assessing your progress can you say whether something “worked” or not.

This is where the value of having a teacher working with you really scores! Just throwing information at someone is not going to help them get it. People hunt all over the internet without discernment or direction, ill-equipped to assess or judge the source of the information (see my point under no.1 above) - of course they end up confused! And this is why my books are filled with troubleshooting advice for individual dogs, and my courses have a strong element of personal coaching to help you interpret and get the best out of the lessons.

You need patience! Rome wasn’t built in a day! It’s the gradual accumulation of knowledge and experience that is the answer you seek.

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. Robert Louis Stevenson

3. “Nothing will change my dog”

This is possibly the saddest of all. Your dog is a living being! And like you, she can change.

I have seen “hopeless cases” become much-loved family pets. I have seen dogs about to be re-homed, puppies about to be returned to the breeder, who are still in their homes to this day, thanks to their owners making a last-ditch attempt to find answers.

I’m appalled when I hear of dogs being thrown out of training classes for being too disruptive, too difficult, too dog. This demonstrates not only a lack of ability on the part of the class trainer, but a complete absence of willingness to help someone and their troubled dog.

This I see as my mission in life! I have never turned a dog away from any class of mine, and I never will. As a church-going friend put it, “The church is for sinners, not for saints.”

So please don’t think that as you’ve tried things before that didn’t work; you tried something new - full of enthusiasm - only to find it let you down; that your dog cannot change. It simply means that up to now you haven’t found the help you need.

I would love to give you that help, and those of you with Growly Dogs may be excited to find what I have for you in just a few days’ time. Today is a new day!

And to get started straight away with lessons to help your Growly Dog cope with our world, watch our

free Masterclass for Growly Dogs