For your dog to change, you need to change!
This is the message emblazoned on our home page.
And some people will take one look at that and say, “No, I’m perfect: it’s my dog that’s all wrong!” And they’re gone.
That’s sad, because their dog is now denied the possibility that their owner might change!
But those with more perception, more thoughtfulness - you, obviously, as you’re reading this! - see that there is truth in this.
You see, dogs - just like us - are responsive, sentient beings. They don’t just DO. They respond.
Something happens; you do something; they do something. It’s like a game of ping-pong, where you bat things back and forth. If what you bat back to your dog is harsh, self-centred, punitive, you have alienated him and he’s not going to “play ball” any more.
But if you look at what happened, work out why your dog did what he did, and respond with encouragement or distraction or take it as a teaching moment, then you can engage your learner and make some solid progress!
“How can I stop my dog doing xyz?”
My inbox is full of these questions on a daily basis. If I responded harshly, saying that they’re approaching it all wrong, I would lose that person. They’d take offence and go off in a huff. Result: life doesn’t improve, dog stays in trouble!
But I take my own advice from the paragraph above, and make my reply a teaching moment!
These correspondents are repeating what they understand is necessary, what they’ve been told by others: that this creature is wilful and difficult, and needs to be controlled, prevented, contained, in order to have a peaceful home.
But in fact the reverse is true! The more choice you give your dog, the better result you will get.
More choice = more harmony!
I’m pleased that someone has read what I wrote and sees me as someone trustworthy, who can help them. This is to be encouraged! I’m passionate about getting the word on force-free training out as far as is possible.
It’s just like tennis (I do love the summer tennis season!): you lose every point where you don’t hit the ball back in play.
So instead of alienating these readers by castigating them, I encourage them to view things differently and get the result they want.
I explain that instead of trying to stop your dog doing something, it’s infinitely more effective (and faster!) to teach him to do something else instead.
Can you catch yourself?
Sometimes, even an accomplished dog-owner can slip up! You may catch yourself having a knee-jerk reaction to your dog. Maybe because you’re tired, busy, flustered, embarrassed …
Be sure to catch those moments and see how you can change them for the better.
A little reflection, putting yourself in your dog’s paws, may show you why he did what he did, and how you can help him to make a better choice next time.
We all keep learning - dogs and people - every single day!
If you need help putting this theory into practice, be sure to watch our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN, without nagging, cajoling, or bribery!
