Puppies will be puppies!

Puppies are all much of a muchness - cute, exploring, shy, cuddly, quickly tired . . . They have needs, and the biggest need they have is to learn how to fit into our weird human world.

And yet people get a new puppy and think something is wrong when their puppy

• Doesn’t sleep all night

• Explores everything by mouth

• Doesn’t know where or when to pee

• Thinks the children are other puppies

And then they write to me.

Either they think they’re doing something wrong, or - more often - they think there’s something fundamentally wrong with their puppy.

Learn just how your puppy's mind works, and what you can expect, in our free e-course

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And they want their dream of a cute cuddly puppy back!

There’s a high chance that if they’re struggling with one or other aspect of puppy care (it’s usually sleep, nipping, or housetraining) their puppy is behaving totally normally. But they may need to adjust their expectations and understanding of how the doggy brain works in order to restore harmony in their home!

Now I’m glad they find Brilliant Family Dog and they write to me and not to any of the forceful “trainers” out there, which are legion. I’m always free with advice to help them get back on track with their new charge (I’d much rather they asked and found the answer, rather than struggle on with an unhappy household). And the first thing I remind them is that their puppy is a BABY.

But really, where did common sense go?

Common sense

• Is it not common sense to do a bit of research before inviting a baby from another species to share your home?

• Is it not common sense to learn what changes you need to make to your current habits in order to have this work?

• Is it not common sense to find out what puppies are like so that you can have realistic expectations?

• And surely common sense decrees that if adults have to learn this new stuff, your children also need help to understand how to co-exist with this new stranger.

I’m willing to bet that when these parents first had their children they got masses of advice, loads of equipment, and most certainly didn’t leave their offspring loose in the house without supervision, with cats and dogs wandering around behaving species-inappropriately with them!

Expecting a puppy who’s only been on the planet a matter of weeks to fit into a new and totally foreign regime without any guidance and help would be equally crazy, and to me unreasonable and unthinkable.

The way forward

So if you’ve arrived here looking for help because your puppy isn’t measuring up to your expectations - you’re most welcome! Please do look around and find the help you need. Start with the SEARCH function up there in the navigation bar (that’s across the top of the page on a laptop and in the three little bars at the top on mobile).

You’ll find a huge wealth of articles here to help you with your puppy - not just giving you instructions to change your puppy’s behaviour, but plenty of guidance on changing your own behaviour! It has to be give-and-take for this to work the way you want it to.

There are free downloadable guides for many of the more popular queries, and even free courses!

This could be a good jumping-off place for you

All I ask is that you give it a try. Nothing is more depressing than taking the time to advise someone who says “We need help urgently, please reply.” And finding them coming back with the same query a few weeks later, having done nothing that was suggested.

Chances are your puppy is completely normal, nothing wrong with him at all. But you may be focussing on the wrong things . . .

Go and check those resources I’ve linked!

Are you the right owner for this puppy?

Oh, and if you really expect your puppy to lie in his basket all day ready to be got out and shown off when you feel like it; to be able to tell the difference between a toy you’ve given him and one that he finds as he wanders about free-range (your phone, your remote, your glasses / shoes / book, the computer cables); to adopt new sleeping patterns with no help; to know how to play with people with skin like tissue paper and no protective fur; or even to know in advance when they need to pee - then perhaps you need to re-think the whole idea of inviting a dog into your home.

When you are ready will be time enough to choose a puppy.

Start here with our free ecourse to show you how your new dog's mind actually works!

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I have a new puppy: will I ever get any sleep again?

It’s a frequent cry from new puppy-owners. You bring home your cuddly fluffpup - you are overflowing with parental emotions for this little scrap and determined to do the best for her. 

Trouble is, that cuddly fluffpup turns into a screeching monster as soon as you put your head on your pillow. So you go down to see what’s wrong - is she hungry? is she cold? does she need a wee? By the time you’ve exhausted all these possibilities, both you and your puppy are well and truly awake. The puppy is now refreshed and ready to start the day. But it’s half past midnight and you have to be at work tomorrow morning!

This seems to be the stage when one of the pup’s new owners fetches the duvet downstairs and tries to sleep on the sofa. In no time it’s 4 a.m., the puppy is refreshed and you are not. 

Next night you eschew your comfy double bed and start out on the sofa. You wake up hearing chewing and crunching noises as your puppy discovers the interesting textures of your computer cables. And being awake and mobile, she now needs to relieve herself - this bit of carpet will do …

As you stagger into work on the fourth or fifth day you realise that This Is Not Working! That’s when I get a phone call. The caller is usually desperate: sleep-deprived, anxious, guilty, worried, their work is being affected, they see no light at the end of this tunnel. Some people actually return the puppy to the breeder at this stage: really! 

So what’s going wrong?

I often find they have a crate for their dog, but haven’t used it, or they’ve tried using it but won’t shut the door, or it’s in the wrong part of the house. They may think it’s cruel to confine the puppy to a crate - but I can assure you that the breeder confined the puppies (3? 6? 10 of them?) at night! 

Most people are comfortable putting their baby in a cot - for their own peace of mind as well as the babe’s safety. What’s the difference?

The next thing I learn is, “I don’t want the dog in the bedroom”.  

As they are usually at the stage where they are actually paying me to give them a night’s sleep, this is particularly shortsighted.

Your puppy is used to snuggling up with those 3, 6, or 10 warm, furry, littermates - suddenly being alone is a loss and causes fear. 

They’ve also perhaps been making this common mistake, which one desperate terrier-owner told me about: “I come straight downstairs, knock on the door, and tell her to be quiet.” 

Your puppy is not barmy - she’s able to work out that if she barks and wails long enough, someone will respond. Now you’ve told her she just has to keep going for as long as it takes! You’ve made things worse

Blissful, peaceful sleep

DOWNLOAD your guide here to getting a good night’s sleep with your new puppy!

My own puppies sleep through the night from the day they arrive. They quickly get into a pattern and will be clean and dry by night from anything between 7 and 9 weeks. 

I’ve given my sleep recipe to anyone who has difficulty settling their new pup, and get responses like these:

Have your puppy sleep ALL NIGHT from the first night! Get this free guide to show you how

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“Got a whole night’s sleep last night! Thank you!!” Vizsla puppy 9 weeks

“Good morning Beverley, Just had to let you know that I followed your guidance re settling Gertie at night and we had a peaceful sleep with no crying and no mess in her bed, a very big thank you.” Miniature Dachshund pup 11 weeks

“Your suggestion about the size of the crate worked wonders! No mess in crate this morning.” Labrador pup 14 weeks

Want to know what the secret is?

Here you go: 

1. Use a crate

It doesn’t need to be the size of a ballroom - only big enough for the puppy to get up, turn around, and lie down again. It’s a bed, not a playroom. If you’ve bought a large one because your pup is a large breed but is currently still tiny, you can either buy a crate divider - or simply fill the extra space with cardboard boxes to make a smaller sleeping area. No problem if he chews the boxes. A well-reared puppy will not normally soil his sleeping area (unless very distressed) so this helps with your housetraining program. If you have a whippet, earthdog or other tunnelling breed, provide masses of blankets your pup can burrow into like a hamster, rather than a flat single piece of bedding which will better suit a hot dog like a border collie or a golden retriever.

2. Shut the crate door

Shut the crate for every nap, every sleep, every meal. Never open the crate door if your dog is hollering, “I’m going to get my lawyer if you don’t let me out of here!” Only calm and silence will get that door opened. (Genuine distress is something else, and needs attention - you should be able to distinguish between annoyance and distress with ease.) Darken the room and/or partially cover the crate - this makes it a cosy den. For naps, leave the room and shut the door.

3. Put the crate by your bed at night

Your puppy will hear you breathing and moving, sighing and snoozing. If she wakes up anxious, you can just reach a hand out to touch her through the bars so she is reassured she’s not alone. You’ll hear if she’s genuinely agitated and needs a wee. If you don’t want your dog to sleep in your bedroom, you can move her out again once a pattern is established and she feels confident in her new home and routine.

4. Once pup is in crate, there’s no talk, no interaction

The crate is a quiet area for s-l-e-e-p-i-n-g. And chewing chew toys, and eating meals. It’s not a chatty place. 

Imagine the crate is soundproof - both ways!

You have now taught your dog to relax and settle anywhere she finds her crate. This is invaluable training for the rest of your lives together! No separation anxiety, no pacing and worrying when you holiday in a new place, no danger of damaging the carpets or cables when visiting friends. When your dog goes into her crate, she lies down and sleeps!

Let me know in the comments below how you’re getting on!

Want a step-by-step guide to everything you need to know about your new puppy? Get New Puppy! here, and start on the right paw!

Once your puppy is about 9 weeks old and has settled in with you, you can start working through the Brilliant Family Dog series of how-to e-books. Everything is broken down for you into little steps - and what’s more, the first book in the series is free! Go get it now.

Try some of our lessons right away - you'll be amazed how quickly your puppy learns!

Check other post that might help your brilliant dogs:

I love my dog AND I love my sleep!

How much time does your dog spend sleeping?

How much does your dog sleep?

Errorless Housetraining and Crate Training

Puppy Crate training demystified