Puppies will be puppies!

Puppies are all much of a muchness - cute, exploring, shy, cuddly, quickly tired . . . They have needs, and the biggest need they have is to learn how to fit into our weird human world.

And yet people get a new puppy and think something is wrong when their puppy

• Doesn’t sleep all night

• Explores everything by mouth

• Doesn’t know where or when to pee

• Thinks the children are other puppies

And then they write to me.

Either they think they’re doing something wrong, or - more often - they think there’s something fundamentally wrong with their puppy.

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And they want their dream of a cute cuddly puppy back!

There’s a high chance that if they’re struggling with one or other aspect of puppy care (it’s usually sleep, nipping, or housetraining) their puppy is behaving totally normally. But they may need to adjust their expectations and understanding of how the doggy brain works in order to restore harmony in their home!

Now I’m glad they find Brilliant Family Dog and they write to me and not to any of the forceful “trainers” out there, which are legion. I’m always free with advice to help them get back on track with their new charge (I’d much rather they asked and found the answer, rather than struggle on with an unhappy household). And the first thing I remind them is that their puppy is a BABY.

But really, where did common sense go?

Common sense

• Is it not common sense to do a bit of research before inviting a baby from another species to share your home?

• Is it not common sense to learn what changes you need to make to your current habits in order to have this work?

• Is it not common sense to find out what puppies are like so that you can have realistic expectations?

• And surely common sense decrees that if adults have to learn this new stuff, your children also need help to understand how to co-exist with this new stranger.

I’m willing to bet that when these parents first had their children they got masses of advice, loads of equipment, and most certainly didn’t leave their offspring loose in the house without supervision, with cats and dogs wandering around behaving species-inappropriately with them!

Expecting a puppy who’s only been on the planet a matter of weeks to fit into a new and totally foreign regime without any guidance and help would be equally crazy, and to me unreasonable and unthinkable.

The way forward

So if you’ve arrived here looking for help because your puppy isn’t measuring up to your expectations - you’re most welcome! Please do look around and find the help you need. Start with the SEARCH function up there in the navigation bar (that’s across the top of the page on a laptop and in the three little bars at the top on mobile).

You’ll find a huge wealth of articles here to help you with your puppy - not just giving you instructions to change your puppy’s behaviour, but plenty of guidance on changing your own behaviour! It has to be give-and-take for this to work the way you want it to.

There are free downloadable guides for many of the more popular queries, and even free courses!

This could be a good jumping-off place for you

All I ask is that you give it a try. Nothing is more depressing than taking the time to advise someone who says “We need help urgently, please reply.” And finding them coming back with the same query a few weeks later, having done nothing that was suggested.

Chances are your puppy is completely normal, nothing wrong with him at all. But you may be focussing on the wrong things . . .

Go and check those resources I’ve linked!

Are you the right owner for this puppy?

Oh, and if you really expect your puppy to lie in his basket all day ready to be got out and shown off when you feel like it; to be able to tell the difference between a toy you’ve given him and one that he finds as he wanders about free-range (your phone, your remote, your glasses / shoes / book, the computer cables); to adopt new sleeping patterns with no help; to know how to play with people with skin like tissue paper and no protective fur; or even to know in advance when they need to pee - then perhaps you need to re-think the whole idea of inviting a dog into your home.

When you are ready will be time enough to choose a puppy.

Start here with our free ecourse to show you how your new dog's mind actually works!

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Do you need information for your dog - or guidance?

You’ve got the new puppy - or your new rescue dog. You’ve got the bed, the crate, the foodbowl and some grub. You’ve booked a vet appointment, you’ve worked out responsibilities in the family, you’ve got the collar and lead.

Now what?

If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs - written for humans, but just as applicable to dogs - you’ll see that that’s the Physiological and Safety needs covered.

Next step up on the pyramid is Love and Belonging. This should happen naturally as you care for your new pet, always ensuring that he is happy with the arrangements, and feels secure and wanted.

And that’s where a lot of people stop. The dog is fed and minded, he gets walks and a cuddle from time to time, and that’s it.

Dog or Puppy problems? Get your free 8-lesson email course and solve them all painlessly!

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But what about the next two levels?

The Needs I’m particularly interested in are

• Esteem - including respect, self-esteem, and freedom - and

• Self-actualisation - becoming the best one can be

What? This is a DOG!

Well, like everyone else in your family, your dog will feel much better, more loved, more valued, if you allow him to become the best he can be.

And this means training.

Not “training” in the traditional sense of “Do this, do that, do what I say,” but education in the original sense of drawing out the subject’s mind, knowledge, ability.

This is where Choice Training comes in!

Brilliant Family Dog’s Choice Training is the quickest way to build a rewarding relationship with a dog who can make good decisions!

And this is also where you could probably do with a bit of help.

Is your dog stupid?

Many of us are brought up to believe that a dog is pretty stupid. That you have to SHOUT at her to get her to understand. That she is a robot who has to be programmed with COMMANDS then give instant compliance or reap the consequences. (How many of you expect instant compliance from your family when you make a request?!)

When you turn things round and ask your dog to comply, instead of telling her, magic begins to happen. See what this Brilliant Family Dog student said: 

I like choice training as it makes me think of my dog as a friend rather than as something to be ordered about all the time.

But this can be hard to get your head round without a bit of help. We are so programmed to expect the old-school way of dog training, that we may be tempted to go to classes which treat the dog as a chattel, and accept instructions to treat our dog in a way we would not dream of treating our fellow humans.

(I’m not blaming you if this is what’s happened. You wanted the best for your dog, so you went to someone who claimed to be an expert. How were you to know?)

But just imagine it’s your 2-year-old child on the end of that lead in class: do you think you’d behave differently?  

You need a guide you can trust -

✅ Someone who understands your needs as well as your dog’s needs.

✅ Someone who knows that this will all go so much better if we view our relationship with our dog as a partnership, rather than master-slave.

✅ Someone who can show you how to teach your dog to get the companion you want without going against any of your deeply-held values about how to treat others who share this planet with us.  

Now . . . who could that be? 😀

You can end the frustration!

At Brilliant Family Dog, I help frustrated dog-owners transform the whole dog+owner experience from challenge and conflict to harmony and friendship.

Unlike many trainers who work with force, intimidation, and coercion to get temporary results, Brilliant Family Dog can give you permanent change and a bright new future with your much-loved dog without you ever saying “Nooo”!

Really! You never, ever, have to say “NO” to your little puppy, or your new dog, who begins by feeling disoriented and lost in his new home. Think how much stress slips away when you remove that word from your interactions.

My approach is really very different from the traditional one, of dogs being marched endlessly round a hall with their lead being yanked. And I take you step-by-step through the foundations to ensure you get the results you work for.

When I asked my students what their biggest takeaway was, this is one of the answers I got! 

Should have gone to Beverley sooner

 To change your dog you need to change yourself first!

Watch our free Workshop and find out how to transform your “deaf dog” into a LISTENING DOG!

Your puppy’s first day home!

“How do I ensure the most successful first day home? I want Finn to feel like this is home but I also want to start off on the right foot, from the moment we pick him up and the long drive home.” Maria

What an excellent question, Maria! You have obviously planned your puppy carefully, and thinking about that exciting first day you have reflected on the importance of getting it right. You’re setting the stage for your new puppy’s life.

For those just starting on this journey, first read my series on How to Choose a Puppy here

Getting things ready at home

1. The most important thing is to make a comfy den for your puppy. Somewhere he can feel at home, somewhere he is fed all his bowl-meals (you’ll be mainly feeding him by hand!), somewhere he is safe and may not be pestered by children, visitors, or other household pets. He needs to be in a quiet place to be able to switch off and sleep properly.

I favour a robust wire crate. It need only be big enough for the size your puppy will be as an adult - big enough for him to stand up, turn round and lie down again, as lying down is mostly what he’ll be doing in there. You can half cover it with a cloth or put it in a cupboard space under the kitchen worktop to make it cosy. And you can use either a custom divider or a big cardboard box to make the space just big enough for your puppy. 

All naps will be taken in this crate, and he can sleep in it at night, in your bedroom. Now you have somewhere where you know your pup is safe and can’t be chewing the telephone wire, peeing on the carpet, or demolishing your furniture. He may protest to start with, but as long as you know he has had his needs met, regard the crate as soundproof - both ways!  He’ll quickly learn that being in the crate means rest and sleep. 

2. For travel you’ll need either the same crate if it’s small enough to move easily, or a custom car crate. Again choose a wire crate - I don’t use a soft crate till I know the dog is content in a crate and won’t chew or attack it. I’m not convinced about the safety of car harnesses and always travel mine in well-built crates with escape hatches on the inside. 

For the journey home you may want to shroud the bottom half of the crate with plastic sheeting on the outside (that pup can't reach) so that any vomit stays inside! Or one of those airline crates that split in half would be excellent for this.

On the day!

3. Take your puppy’s new collar and id tag with you and put it on him before you leave his old home. Better to be sure, in case of accident or drama on the journey home. And puppies are much wrigglier than you may remember - always slip a finger or thumb through his collar when you’re carrying him.

Your pup’s breeder should give you - along with any paperwork - his worming schedule, a blanket that’s been with his mother, a week’s supply of the food he’s been on, a diet sheet - maybe a toy or a bowl. Breeders who care will also give you photos and info about the parents, perhaps some pictures of your puppy when tiny, and the benefit of their experience of puppies of this breed or type. They should also tell you what the pup is used to toiletting on - grass, concrete, gravel …

4. For the journey home, park your puppy in his secure crate with lots of washable bedding or screwed-up paper to make it cosy. Ignore wails and cries, throwing up and peeing in the crate. You need to focus on the road and not get anxious yourself. The journey cannot be avoided so get it over with fast! Gentle music on the radio may help, and covering the crate so he can’t see out of the vehicle will also probably help. Placing the crate in the body of the car, not the back end, will minimise swinging and lurching and maybe prevent carsickness. 

Arriving home

5. If you have eager children at home waiting to greet the puppy, ensure they keep cool and don’t overwhelm this poor scrap. He’ll be exhausted after his journey, and is being constantly bombarded with strange sights and smells and people. 

6. If he’s in a mess from the journey just wipe him over - don’t bathe him now. He needs to keep his own scent and a bath would be too stressful. 

7. You can take him out on a lead to the garden to see if he needs to relieve himself. Don’t worry if he doesn’t. If he’s scared bring him right back in again. Get my Errorless Housetraining Cheatsheet and get it right from the start.

8. Introduce him to his new den, and put his mother’s blanket in there along with some chewables. Feed him a light meal in the crate, try the garden again, and have some gentle play with him before he crashes for the night. Puppies need an astonishing amount of sleep, and a young puppy should only be awake for an hour or so at a time. 

Feeding

9. Stick to the food he’s already on for a week or so, then start to change to a better food. You can research those in advance. Breeders often get free packs of food from canny manufacturers, so you’ll want to improve on that. Here’s a good site which gives you the lowdown on dog food ingredients. It’s geared for the UK market but is very educational and would be well worth a visit wherever you live. 

For a free no-obligation trial of some excellent home-cooked food (UK readers) go to www.butternutbox.com/brilliantfamilydog They provide instructions for how to change your puppy on to a new feed.

The first week

10. By all means have some visitors to admire your new puppy, but be sensible! Give him a day or two without visitors. Then ensure your puppy wants to go forward to greet them. If he hangs back or hides, on no account force people on to him. As you’ve planned so carefully in choosing your pup, he’s likely to have been well-socialised in the litter.

You’ll probably be visiting the vet for a check-over and some jabs. Make this visit as gentle and calm as possible - don’t pass him round the waiting room of ooh-ing and aah-ing people! 

And while he can’t yet go out for “walks” you should certainly take him out and about with you on your errands. He gets used to travelling in the car on short journeys, and you get to carry him about to see new places, things, people, and dogs. He doesn’t need to meet the dogs yet, but he does need to see them. 

11. Build a routine of naps, food, garden visits, play … and more naps. This routine doesn’t have to be timebound, but the order should become predictable. He’ll be on four meals a day to start with, and most of those will be handfed by you, or in a foodtoy - not just slapped in a bowl.

12. Lastly - and importantly! - learn how to teach your new dog. It’s important you find only a force-free trainer to work with, who will have small, calm, classes, and teach only through kindness and love. 

Stuck for a local class that fits this description? No worries! Check out this free Workshop and enjoy training your puppy at home with me, with four specially-selected training videos. It’s much better value than a conventional local puppy class - you can take part for as long as you like!

And for some lessons you can get started on with your new puppy tomorrow morning, check out this mini-course for your puppy

I hope that helps you with your planning, Maria - and I wish more people thought ahead as you have!

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