I have a new puppy: will I ever get any sleep again?

It’s a frequent cry from new puppy-owners. You bring home your cuddly fluffpup - you are overflowing with parental emotions for this little scrap and determined to do the best for her. 

Trouble is, that cuddly fluffpup turns into a screeching monster as soon as you put your head on your pillow. So you go down to see what’s wrong - is she hungry? is she cold? does she need a wee? By the time you’ve exhausted all these possibilities, both you and your puppy are well and truly awake. The puppy is now refreshed and ready to start the day. But it’s half past midnight and you have to be at work tomorrow morning!

This seems to be the stage when one of the pup’s new owners fetches the duvet downstairs and tries to sleep on the sofa. In no time it’s 4 a.m., the puppy is refreshed and you are not. 

Next night you eschew your comfy double bed and start out on the sofa. You wake up hearing chewing and crunching noises as your puppy discovers the interesting textures of your computer cables. And being awake and mobile, she now needs to relieve herself - this bit of carpet will do …

As you stagger into work on the fourth or fifth day you realise that This Is Not Working! That’s when I get a phone call. The caller is usually desperate: sleep-deprived, anxious, guilty, worried, their work is being affected, they see no light at the end of this tunnel. Some people actually return the puppy to the breeder at this stage: really! 

So what’s going wrong?

I often find they have a crate for their dog, but haven’t used it, or they’ve tried using it but won’t shut the door, or it’s in the wrong part of the house. They may think it’s cruel to confine the puppy to a crate - but I can assure you that the breeder confined the puppies (3? 6? 10 of them?) at night! 

Most people are comfortable putting their baby in a cot - for their own peace of mind as well as the babe’s safety. What’s the difference?

The next thing I learn is, “I don’t want the dog in the bedroom”.  

As they are usually at the stage where they are actually paying me to give them a night’s sleep, this is particularly shortsighted.

Your puppy is used to snuggling up with those 3, 6, or 10 warm, furry, littermates - suddenly being alone is a loss and causes fear. 

They’ve also perhaps been making this common mistake, which one desperate terrier-owner told me about: “I come straight downstairs, knock on the door, and tell her to be quiet.” 

Your puppy is not barmy - she’s able to work out that if she barks and wails long enough, someone will respond. Now you’ve told her she just has to keep going for as long as it takes! You’ve made things worse

Blissful, peaceful sleep

DOWNLOAD your guide here to getting a good night’s sleep with your new puppy!

My own puppies sleep through the night from the day they arrive. They quickly get into a pattern and will be clean and dry by night from anything between 7 and 9 weeks. 

I’ve given my sleep recipe to anyone who has difficulty settling their new pup, and get responses like these:

Have your puppy sleep ALL NIGHT from the first night! Get this free guide to show you how

THIS FREE GUIDE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

“Got a whole night’s sleep last night! Thank you!!” Vizsla puppy 9 weeks

“Good morning Beverley, Just had to let you know that I followed your guidance re settling Gertie at night and we had a peaceful sleep with no crying and no mess in her bed, a very big thank you.” Miniature Dachshund pup 11 weeks

“Your suggestion about the size of the crate worked wonders! No mess in crate this morning.” Labrador pup 14 weeks

Want to know what the secret is?

Here you go: 

1. Use a crate

It doesn’t need to be the size of a ballroom - only big enough for the puppy to get up, turn around, and lie down again. It’s a bed, not a playroom. If you’ve bought a large one because your pup is a large breed but is currently still tiny, you can either buy a crate divider - or simply fill the extra space with cardboard boxes to make a smaller sleeping area. No problem if he chews the boxes. A well-reared puppy will not normally soil his sleeping area (unless very distressed) so this helps with your housetraining program. If you have a whippet, earthdog or other tunnelling breed, provide masses of blankets your pup can burrow into like a hamster, rather than a flat single piece of bedding which will better suit a hot dog like a border collie or a golden retriever.

2. Shut the crate door

Shut the crate for every nap, every sleep, every meal. Never open the crate door if your dog is hollering, “I’m going to get my lawyer if you don’t let me out of here!” Only calm and silence will get that door opened. (Genuine distress is something else, and needs attention - you should be able to distinguish between annoyance and distress with ease.) Darken the room and/or partially cover the crate - this makes it a cosy den. For naps, leave the room and shut the door.

3. Put the crate by your bed at night

Your puppy will hear you breathing and moving, sighing and snoozing. If she wakes up anxious, you can just reach a hand out to touch her through the bars so she is reassured she’s not alone. You’ll hear if she’s genuinely agitated and needs a wee. If you don’t want your dog to sleep in your bedroom, you can move her out again once a pattern is established and she feels confident in her new home and routine.

4. Once pup is in crate, there’s no talk, no interaction

The crate is a quiet area for s-l-e-e-p-i-n-g. And chewing chew toys, and eating meals. It’s not a chatty place. 

Imagine the crate is soundproof - both ways!

You have now taught your dog to relax and settle anywhere she finds her crate. This is invaluable training for the rest of your lives together! No separation anxiety, no pacing and worrying when you holiday in a new place, no danger of damaging the carpets or cables when visiting friends. When your dog goes into her crate, she lies down and sleeps!

Let me know in the comments below how you’re getting on!

Want a step-by-step guide to everything you need to know about your new puppy? Get New Puppy! here, and start on the right paw!

Once your puppy is about 9 weeks old and has settled in with you, you can start working through the Brilliant Family Dog series of how-to e-books. Everything is broken down for you into little steps - and what’s more, the first book in the series is free! Go get it now.

Try some of our lessons right away - you'll be amazed how quickly your puppy learns!

Check other post that might help your brilliant dogs:

I love my dog AND I love my sleep!

How much time does your dog spend sleeping?

How much does your dog sleep?

Errorless Housetraining and Crate Training

Puppy Crate training demystified

“Designer Dogs”: what are they really made of?

It’s all the rage - dogs with cute monikers. 

You can find a Jackapoo, Cockerpoo, Labradoodle, Goldendoodle, Jackahuahua, Maltipoo, Puggle, Schnoodle, Cavapoo, Yorkipoo … and I have yet to discover the name of a Shih-Tsu crossed with a Poodle.

In many cases, people are seduced by the cuteness of the name and the celebrities who have also been seduced - and bought one. 

It tends to be first-time puppy buyers who go down this route, as they often have little understanding of breed characteristics. 

It’s not just about looks!

The problem is that as many of the crosses are inappropriate, you end up with a much more challenging dog than if you had gone for either a pedigree dog from a first-class breeder, or a genuine mixed-breed mutt from the shelter.

As a friend put it recently, describing a cocker spaniel x poodle (a so-called “cockerpoo”) she’d met:

“You have a dog who couldn’t care less about people crossed with a dog who wants to rule the world - not a good combination.”

I have found that this tremendously popular cross creates a lot of problems for the new puppy-owners I work with. It’s one of the most difficult crosses to manage and needs skill and knowledge of the characteristic behaviour of both breeds involved. I’m quite sure that the funny name is what has swayed many of these buyers. This is why I never use the cutesy titles people give me for their dog (which they usually say in an exaggerated way and accompanied by a shy giggle “It’s a cockerpooooooo!”). I call them what they are: a spaniel x poodle. That way I can keep their make-up in the front of my mind when working with them.

Oh, and having one parent from a non-shedding breed means you have on average a 50% chance of your puppy being non-shedding, or suitable for allergy-sufferers and the houseproud. Puppies barely shed any hair in the first year anyway, so the new owner doesn’t find out the truth for some time.

What happens when you mix them up?

Get our free download
to help you see the different characteristics of different breeds -
and what a combination could result in!

THIS GUIDE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

Success! Now check your email to download your Breed Characteristics sheet

There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.

Email Address

I'd like to receive the free email course. Free download!

You need to look at the characteristics of the breeds you are crossing. A terrier, for instance, has been bred for centuries to hunt down and kill small rodents. This is why they are so popular on farms and in stables. They need to have an outlet for this instinctive drive. If you expect them to perch on a velvet cushion all day long because they’ve been crossed with some kind of fluffy, you are going to build up tremendous frustration and conflicts in your little dog.

Cuteness in appearance is not necessarily matched by cuteness in behaviour.

We all know people who look just like one parent while having all the personality traits of the other. 

Another friend was toying with the idea of mating his two dogs - a reactive, longhaired, collie bitch and a cuddly, fast, whippet. He thought he would get lots of fluffy cuddly puppies. Genetics is a tricky and unpredictable game - even for those who know a lot about it. I warned him he may instead get a litter of very fast reactive dogs. 

Fortunately he realised that in any case his reactive bitch should not be bred from. “Reactive” is a catchall word for fearful, anxious, defensive. There would be a high likelihood of all the puppies following their mother’s example and being reactive too. The world does not need another six or ten reactive dogs!

And this leads me to the source of most of these “designer” dogs. 

What difference does the breeder make?

Good pedigree breeders spend a lot of time and money on producing the best puppies they can. The genetic testing they do is expensive and time-consuming. They choose pairings with enormous care, studying the history of the lines for behaviour, temperament, and health, and will only breed from the very best. 

They then devote months to caring for the bitch and rearing these puppies in an enriched environment - usually their kitchen and living room - taking special care over their socialisation and temperament, then carefully vetting prospective owners. The best remain available for advice and guidance throughout the life of the dog.

Do you think the same level of attention is given by the puppy farmers who produce many of these crosses? Do you think they pay for those expensive tests? Do you think they start off with the best possible stock? No pedigree breeder would let their puppies go to such a person, so they’re starting off with inferior animals right off the bat.

UK TV Vet Marc Abraham says, “You end up cross-breeding breeds which each often have their own genetic faults. So Labradors are prone to hip problems, and Poodles to eyesight problems. Cross-breed them and you get puppies prone to both conditions.”

Another Frankenstein

While these dogs tend to attract the inexperienced, they are by and large not a dog for the first-time buyer.

Even the person who bred the first, notorious, “Labradoodle” (a mistaken attempt to provide a guide dog for a blind person with allergies), Wally Conron, says, “I opened a Pandora's box, that's what I did. I released a Frankenstein. So many people are just breeding for the money. So many of these dogs have physical problems, and a lot of them are just crazy. I've done so much harm to pure breeding and made so many charlatans quite rich. I wonder whether we bred a designer dog—or a disaster!" 

People will pay absurd amounts of money for these unfortunate puppies. They don’t realise they are being duped by callous people who are cashing in on a craze. They fall for the puppy mill tricks and believe the puppy they’re getting is from the bitch that they’re shown, and reared in the comfortable house they visit. 

Some sharper buyers have doubts, but they still go ahead with the purchase as they want to “rescue” the puppy - thus perpetuating this evil trade.

Sadly, many of these puppies are bred from sickly breeding-machine bitches who are kept caged in appalling conditions, with none of the social environment that makes for a stable and healthy dog. 

The UK Kennel Club, who campaign actively against the puppy farmers, conducted research that indicated that one in five puppies bought via social media or the internet dies before it’s six months old. “It is irresponsible breeding and it is done purely to make money”, says the KC Secretary Caroline Kisko.

Before all you owners of designer dogs berate me in the comments, saying how lovely and healthy your dog is - I can tell you that you are one of the lucky ones. 

So what dog should I get?

There are people who spend more time and attention buying a new washing machine than they devote to choosing the right dog - a real live creature with an individual personality - to share their home for the next 12 - 15 years.

So what options are there for getting a healthy, well-bred, carefully-reared puppy?

1. You can go to a careful, genuine, breeder.

 In the UK the Kennel Club has a list of approved breeders - but you still need to do your own vetting! That’s especially so with a breed that has serious genetic problems, like the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, at least 70% of whom will have developed a debilitating and painful brain disease by their sixth birthday. 

2. You can get a neighbourhood mutt born to a family pet in a home local to you.

For someone whose beloved family pet has a litter of pups this is the highlight of their year, and massive amounts of time and love will be lavished on the pups. If there is enough cross-breeding there will be plenty of hybrid vigour. You will be able to meet the dam and quite possibly the sire too. Puppies reared with loving care in a busy family home have the best start in life. 

3. Or, of course, you can take pot luck on a rescue dog from a shelter. 

This can be a winner all round. But unsurprisingly, many of them have baggage and behavioural problems, and some of those posh crosses end up in rescue because they’re so hard to manage. You need to be prepared to work with someone else’s cast-off and you may need specialist behavioural advice (make sure it’s force-free!). But the results can be fantastic and rewarding.

Either way, you should spend months on this project. 

And don’t be deceived by something as paltry as a name. Wally Conron, the Labradoodle man, freely admits that the name was invented as a marketing ploy, as nobody was interested in having a “mongrel”. Would you really spend more money on the washing machine you’re researching if it was called a “Washypot” or a “Clothesyclean”? Or if a film starlet had one?

For free training for your new puppy - of whatever type! - get your free email course here.

Is your dog or your little puppy throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Workshop and find how to change things fast!

5 Surefire Tips to Get Your Dog to Jump Up on People

There’s a ring at the doorbell.

While you make your way to the door your dog is running rings around you, barking, jumping, grabbing at toys. 

You yell “Stop! Get down! Be quiet!” Now you’re both barking!

You open the door and your dog launches himself at your visitor, striking her amidships, sending her reeling.

You yell “Stop! Get down! Be quiet!” 

Your visitor staggers through the door with your dog dancing in front of her on hind legs, grabbing at her sleeve and leaving drooly smears on her bag.

You yell “Stop! Get down! Be quiet!” 

Like this? For more simple remedies like this one, and lots of how-to’s, join us here!

THIS FREE ECOURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

Your panting dog stands still for a moment.

You yell at him for being a bad dog.

Your visitor says “I won’t stay,” and starts to make her escape.

As she leaves you grab at your dog’s collar to stop him running out after her.

You close the door and shake your head in exasperation at your happy dog.

Look familiar? 

Here are my 5 Surefire Tips to ensure that this happens every time:

1. Make sure dog is super-excited and racing around loose, barking

2. Shout “Get off! Stop! NO!”, wave arms, dance, add to the excitement

3. Give dog lots of attention for jumping on people and no attention whatever when his feet are on the floor

4. Make sure dog knows that wherever he goes and whatever he does, it’s WRONG

5. Don’t bother to train your dog. After all your old dog didn’t do it (though he was 12, come to think of it)

WAIT! You don’t want this to happen? 

You really want to change things? Ok - have a look at these:

1. To contain the flying excitement, clip a lead onto your dog’s collar and put your foot on the lead so that he’s still free to sit, stand or lie down, but can’t jump up

2. Greet your guest and ask them to ignore dog

3. When your dog is sitting or standing patiently, ask guest to hold their palm out for the dog to sniff

4. Reward your dog with a treat and gushing praise as you draw him gently back to your side

5. Cleverclogs stuff: teach him to go to his bed near the door when the doorbell rings, and stay till invited off

Practice makes Perfect - so try this out with a friend who is prepared to wait outside the door while you take your time and calmly lead up your dog without having to worry about someone waiting for you. 

You could practice each stage with your friend, so that if your dog tries to leap up when the door opens to reveal the visitor, you can simply close the door gently and open it again when he’s calmed down a bit. 

Your dog will soon understand that it’s his good choices that enable you to open the door and admit the visitor! Such empowerment will have him making those good decisions over and over again.

Your regular visitors will be astonished and amazed, and glad that they’re able to wear ordinary clothes to visit you instead of disposable overalls. 

And they won’t need the ear-defenders any more either!

Maybe your dog’s been doing this since forever - but you can change it! It’ll take a bit of time and application, but you’ll be so glad when you can welcome a visitor to your home without them getting mobbed! You’ll be proud of what you’ve achieved, proud of your dog, and relieved that you’re no longer the big bad shouting joy-killer.

Is your dog or your little puppy throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Workshop and find how to change things fast!

Puppy dogs' tails tell their own story

Wouldn’t it be great if we had tails!

Dogs’ tails are so expressive. You can see what they’re thinking when you’re behind them, beside them, at a distance. There is a whole chapter in the Dog Body Language Primer on Tails. You may not have heard of this volume, but all dogs get it downloaded into their brains at birth - it’s how they naturally express themselves.

And we - people - tend to dismiss it. “Oh, he’s wagging his tail - he must be happy.”

Some of the time he’s wagging his tail - yes, he’s happy. But some of the time he wags his tail out of anxiety, anger, anticipation. Many a person has been bitten by a dog with a wagging tail!

It’s how they are wagging it that’s important

Did you know, for instance, that when a dog is greeting someone he knows and loves, he’ll wag his tail to the right? Sometimes, when really delighted to see his person, the whole back-end will wag to the right. Your dog will be in a kind of banana-shape as he runs towards you, tail a-wag on his right side, ecstatic grin on his face.

You can see some great info in this article by Stanley Coren which tells you about some of the finer points of tail carriage and movement. But if you just realise that your dog is speaking to you through his tail, you’ll learn an awful lot of his lingo by just tail-watching. 

The skeleton all being connected, it’s impossible, of course, for the tail to go a particular way without affecting the whole body posture. A terrier standing with tail stiff and erect will also have a stiff and erect body, stiff face, closed mouth, and unblinking eyes. A spaniel in full pleasurable wiggle will have trouble keeping any part of himself still - he’ll stay close to the ground, wriggling in a blur.

And a gundog on point will do just that - stand as still as a statue, every fibre pointing towards his prey, foreleg poised, neck stretched forward, tail stretching straight back: one big arrow pointing at the bird.

So you need to look at the whole dog when you decide whether this dog is friendly or not. His body - and especially his tail - will tell you more than just a bland “He’s happy”.

For lots more puppy essentials, get our free e-course on everyday dog problems and their force-free solutions.

Is your dog or your little puppy throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Workshop and find how to change things fast!

10 Tips for creating a great vet visit for your dog

Let’s face it, visiting the vet could feel to your dog like visiting the dentist feels to many of us!

Dragging an unwilling dog through the door, then trying to stop her panting, pacing, and barking at everything that moves, is stressful for both of you.

Your puppy’s first visits to the vet will have involved being stabbed with needles and possibly having things stuck up her nose or her bum or down her throat. If not carefully managed - giving your pup a reason to enjoy the visits - this can turn into a fear of the vet.

And if you have a rehomed dog, she may have had unfortunate experiences at the vets in the past. She may have been afraid and then punished for her fear.

If you can ensure your dog enjoys her visit to the vet, then life is going to be much easier on future visits - and, of course, that’s exactly what vets and their staff want too! It’s no fun for them to wrestle with a distressed dog when they need to examine and administer treatment fast.

The more relaxed your dog is, the easier it will be for the vet to examine, assess, and treat her. If your dog is injured in an accident, you want her to feel as comfortable as possible in order to recover quickly - not be stressed and terrified. You’ll already be distressed and upset yourself, and anxiety is very “catching”. If you know your dog is ok with vet visit procedures this will be one less thing to worry about.

So let’s look at a few things which will turn your vet visit into a happy adventure:

1. Be prepared

Take your dog’s mat or bed or some other kind of “security blanket” - perhaps a favourite cuddly toy - which will relax her. If this is a routine visit you can also take treats, chews, and food toys for her to enjoy on her mat. Take care that other dogs are at a safe distance where food is involved, just in case.

2. Party time - not

A vet visit is not a doggy social occasion! By all means, chat to the others in the waiting room. Just be sure your dog doesn’t join in the conversation. Take a place well away from the main door with all its frantic comings and goings.

3. Cats and rabbits in their cages

are already disorientated and apprehensive - they don’t need a big snuffly nose at their cage door, frightening the living daylights out of them!

4. Other dogs in the waiting room

Why are they there? They may be contagious, or hopping with parasites, so you don’t want any contact between your pet and them. Or they may be frightened, or in pain, and will not welcome attention from your dog (or, possibly, from you). If you’re in pain and someone starts badgering you, there’s a good chance you’ll snap at them! Dogs are no different. I have seen the unpleasant consequences of a puppy being allowed to jump up on such a dog. Keep your eye on your dog and your lead short, and don’t get distracted chatting to someone.

5. A long wait

If your appointment is delayed because the vet has an emergency - and the waiting room is heaving with miaowing, whining, squawking, and barking, customers - leave your mobile number with the receptionist and head off for a walk. There’s no need to spend twenty minutes working hard to keep your dog calm if it can be avoided.

6. Park your Dog

When you’re occupied with the staff - sorting your bill or getting instructions for your meds - a good place to put your dog is between your feet. Stand on the lead so he can’t wander off. 

7. Take your time

You can ask to bring your fearful dog in at the beginning or the end of surgery times and possibly through a back entrance, avoiding the Waiting Room altogether. When my fearful dog Lacy had to go in for surgery, I requested to stay with her till she had become drowsy. We had a darkened room to ourselves where I read a book while soothing my anxious dog on her mat. By the time the vet nurse led her away she remarked that Lacy was calmer than most “ordinary” dogs. If your vet is really unsympathetic (this is unusual if you’ve explained things in a non-demanding way) you can vote with your feet and find a vet more suited to caring for your dog.

8. A Greeting? Or an Assault?

Imagine you’re going to visit that dentist. You are standing in reception when the dentist reaches into your mouth and starts poking about inside it. Your reaction? Horror! You need to give someone permission to manhandle you, and when we accept the dentist’s invitation to sit in The Chair, we are giving that permission. In the same way, you can lift your dog onto the examination table for the vet to attend to him, rather than the vet approach him when he’s standing on the floor, turning what the dog thought was going to be a greeting into what seems like an assault. If your dog is large you can ask him to step up onto a chair then onto the table. Involving the patient in the treatment will lessen the stress considerably.

9. Safety first

If you know that your dog is very nervous and given to panic, train her to accept a basket muzzle beforehand. If the vet staff have reason to believe they are going to get bitten, then naturally they will need to muzzle your dog. How much easier if your dog already associates the muzzle with treats and good experiences, and you put the muzzle on her yourself!

10. There is a place for a social visit!

The Vets has a very strong, characteristic smell. You need to associate that smell with good things. Visiting the waiting room on other occasions - when it’s quiet - your dog can have friendly and non-confrontational interactions with staff. Your dog might get some treats for sitting on the scales so you can track her weight, or simply have the chance to snuffle about and learn that the distinctive smell of the vets is just part of life and not doom-laden. In my experience this is something that vet staff welcome. One vet told me, “I wish all my clients did this!” They do not relish having to fight with distressed and panicky dogs who may end up biting! It’s in everyone’s interest for your dog to enjoy vet visits.

Every time we take our dog to the vet we need to be thinking of the next visit. Having a plan and a few props will help you to relax and enjoy the visit too.

For more workarounds for everyday problems with your dog get this free e-course.

And if your dog is especially anxious, this is the free email course for you

THIS E-COURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME PRIVACY POLICY

Strolling down the avenue, arm in arm

Is that how you’d like your dogwalks to be?

That metaphor - of enjoying life together with respect for each other - doesn’t just apply to strolling along the street. It applies to everything you and your dog do together.

• Can you imagine just how much easier life would be if you never had to argue, command, or reprimand your dog?

• How would you like it if she just fell in with your wishes without you even having to voice them?

• When you want her to do something, would you like to change her present response to you of “Make me!” to “Okey dokey, sounds good to me”?

Instead of focussing on individual actions like Sit or Walking nicely on the Lead, look deeper.

Look at what’s going on between you all the time

If your dog is putting her head down, leaning into her collar and pulling away from you constantly, this is not a pleasant walk enjoyed together!

If, when you ask her to sit, she shuffles, looks from side to side and when she sees no escape she slowly and grudgingly sits, then this is not a willing response, freely given.

In other words your dog isn’t enjoying fitting in with you! This often happens when she feels she’s forced into complying, instead of having a choice.

So it may surprise you to know that the answer to these problems (and the slow sit and distracted pulling are just two symptoms of many I could list) is not to practice millions of sits, or miles of road walking.

Instead you need to focus on the tit for tat of daily life.

Focus on what you want

You don’t ignore or snap at your partner all day long, then expect to enjoy a lovely holiday together! It’s all the tiny exchanges - smiling as you pass each other on the stairs, offering a cup of coffee, helping to carry things without waiting to be asked, showing interest in their activities and opinions - that shape a relationship.

And do you ask or suggest things to your partner, rather than commanding or ordering?

So it is with your dog. If you focus on all the little things, the big things will fall into place.

1. Always reward your dog when she’s doing something you like. Never ask her without being prepared to follow through to her reward. (Remember, a reward is anything your dog finds rewarding - a treat, a cuddle, dinner, access to the garden, a game …)

2. Ignore things you don’t appreciate. Think, “Do I really want to have a fight over this?”

3. Manage your dog’s life and environment just enough to ensure that she can’t do the things you don’t like.

That is the recipe for peace and harmony in the home. You probably did it with your children. You probably do it with your partner.

Just extend your patience and understanding to your pet and you will start to see results everywhere.

And for more detailed suggestions for making this all go swimmingly, get our free email course here!