Can you give your dog a choice?

I had an unfortunate correspondence recently with a “dog trainer” who justifies the use of punishment in her “training” by implying that dogs that are given a choice will inevitably make the wrong choice.

How shortsighted!

As dog trainer I am an educator - a “dog coach” as someone recently described me!

And just as we don’t let our children run amok and expect them to make the right choices, we don’t do that with our animals either.

Guiding them to make a good choice is what it’s all about.

But it is essential for them to make that choice freely!

Getting someone to suggest a course of action themselves is a sure way to have them follow through. If they decide that’s what they want to do, then they’ll probably do it.

Dogs are no different!

They take pride in understanding what would be a good decision in the moment - even a moment that they would previously have found stressful. And they love to be reassured and praised for so doing.

Punishment?

Treating the dog as an automaton, which we switch on or off, means we always have to be in control

As I say so often,

I don’t want to have to control my dogs: I want my dogs to control themselves.

The so-called dog trainer claimed that reactive dogs could only be managed through control and limiting choice. “Do what I say,” Kind of thing.

I have specialised in reactive and aggressive dogs for many years. I have had a dramatic success rate with my non-confrontational, choice-based, methods 

The more we treat the person, child, or animal, in our care with respect for their individuality, the better the result.

Punishment serves only to make the punisher feel good.

Choice Training makes everyone feel good!

Want to know how you can incorporate choice and respect into managing your dog? Start with our free Workshop here!

MY DOG DOESN’T LIKE OTHER DOGS: 5 STEPS TO STOP THE BARKING AND LUNGING

First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission

We’ve all seen it.

Person and dog are walking along the street.

Dog spots another person or dog and goes ballistic. Barking, lunging, ducking and diving, in a flurry of teeth and claws, looking for all the world as if she wants to eat everyone in her path.

Then we see the poor owner trying to deal with this explosion. Usually he tries to restrain the dog physically, shout at her, maybe yank her around on her leash, before beating a disorderly retreat to lick his social wounds and repair his dignity.

The social pressure to appear to be in control of your group - whether they be people or animals - is very strong.

And if we let it, it will make us act in a way we don’t like, indeed a way which is not like us at all!

This can be doubly hard for men.

Why? Because they are expected to be totally in control. And to ensure by whatever means that that control is not challenged or defied. Inability to stop their dog kicking up trouble is perceived - erroneously - as a sign of weakness. So rationality goes out the window, and they act out of character.

The man who was dandling his baby on his knee an hour before is now yelling and yanking his dog about in a way he would hate to see on video. The question is: Why are people so quick to punish their dog?

But my dog is being defiant!

Let’s backtrack a little and find out first of all why your dog is doing this.

The answer, in the vast majority of cases, is fear.

Not aggression, viciousness, nastiness, defiance, stubbornness - just plain, tail-wetting fear.

It may be that the dog was not sufficiently socialised in the critical early weeks; it may be that she had a bad experience which has coloured her perception of strange people or dogs; or it may be that it’s just the way she is.

She’s a delight in the house, brilliant with the kids, but when she’s out she turns into a screaming monster. She sees something that frightens her. She’s on the leash so is unable to flee, so she does her best to look ferocious to repel the invader. She’s shouting “Get away from me! Look - I have teeth! Don’t make me use them!”

None of this is a challenge to your authority! So trying to be the boss is not going to help one bit.

The opposite is true. If your dog sees something that frightens her and then you weigh in and frighten her more, this is going to make matters a lot worse!

Shouting at your young daughter when she shows a fear of spiders is not going to help her overcome her genuine fear of them.

So it is with your dog.

So how can I have a calm walk without all hell breaking loose?

The harsh treatment of dogs advocated by some popular TV programs does not sit well with the way you choose to relate to your family. But there’s no need to treat your dog any differently!

Once you understand that your dog is afraid, this changes your response entirely. She is no longer to be castigated, rather to be helped to cope with a situation which is terrifying her.

This is where your strength and courage come in.

Without fear of what other people may think of you, you’ll be freed to make the right choices to change the dynamic - not just right now, but in the future too.

1. The first thing is to give your dog distance. If the other dog is too close at 30 feet, then get 60 feet away. Think of your little girl and the spider.

2. Let your dog know that she never has to meet a strange person or dog ever again - you will always move her away just as she sees them. Yes - this will turn your previously ordered and linear walk into a bit of a chaotic zigzag, but it will be a calm and peaceful zigzag! This will build her confidence to the extent that this step alone may eventually enable her to pass other dogs without comment.

3. Relax your hands. It’s highly likely (and totally understandable) that whenever you see anything approaching, you tighten the leash in a vice-like grip, tense up, breathe faster, and generally give the appearance of being just as afraid as your dog is! So do the opposite: breathe slowly, lower and relax your hands, say to your dog in a calm voice, “Let’s go!”, and head off in the other direction.

4. Ditch any nasty collars and gadgets promoted for keeping your dog under control. These can only serve to make her more frightened. Imagine putting a straitjacket on your frightened little girl and forcing her to confront the spider! It will magnify the fear immensely. Use a soft collar or harness and a loose lead. No chains. No spikes. No batteries.

5. Reward your dog when she does it right! As soon as you turn away from the impending threat - whether it be 10 feet or 100 feet away - congratulate her warmly on her brilliant self-control! Her lack of stress and distress will be a huge reward in themselves - feeling panicky and afraid is no fun. Always carrying some tasty treats in your pocket will make it crystal clear to her that she has done something that has really pleased you. Dish them out freely when she’s achieved a calm response. Scatter them on the ground for her to hoover up.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey

You are going to make huge strides forward, but you are also going to have setbacks.

See it as a slow progression. Fear is a very strong emotion and doesn’t disappear overnight. You’ll be able to look back in a while and say to yourself, “We couldn’t have walked past that dog a few months ago!”

As you switch from fearing other people’s opinions to focusing on your dog’s needs, you will know that you can make the right choices for your dog’s well being.

 You already do that with your family. Just forget about macho men on the TV beating up their dogs and treat your dog as you treat your children - with empathy and kindness.

It’s not about control, or showing who’s boss. It’s about ensuring the safety and happiness of everyone in your care.

Now you can have the calm walks that you crave!

For a four-part email course that will walk you through this, step by step, head over to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-dogs

 

You and your dog are good enough

How often have you seen something you want then stopped yourself and said “That's not for me.”?

 (And what does this have to do with our dogs?)

This feeling of insufficiency can show up in many ways .... basically as “I’m not good enough”. And how daft is that? Are you not a capable human being who has got where you are in your life by doing things? You can do lots of things I couldn’t begin to do.

So where did this come from? And more to the point how do we show it the door?

Getting rid of that unhelpful voice in your head is essential to get where you want to be in life.

And for our dogs …

Thing is, if you think that about anything, you may think it about other things too - notably about how you can improve your life with your dog.

Now not everyone wants to become a dog trainer! Not everyone wants to immerse themselves in deep study just to get along with their pooch!

But so many of the niggles and disagreements you have with your dog right now can disappear and float away in a moment - if you have the right approach.

You see, it’s often - in fact, it’s usually - NOT the dog.

“Yes it is!” you say, “My dog does xyz, he’s stubborn / difficult / deaf / self-willed …”

But did you know that if YOU change something that YOU’RE doing, your dog can change - magically, instantly?

Sources of conflict can evaporate. Life is enhanced. You get the Brilliant Family Dog you wanted when you first got your dog.

It’s not the thing itself that makes us feel one way or another. It’s how we respond to that thing.

If you call your child and he says, “in a minute …” you can wait.

OR you can erupt and say “GET HERE THIS MINUTE WHEN I CALL YOU I EXPECT YOU TO COME” etc. Now you’re probably feeling fractious, annoyed, taken advantage of . . . and you generated all that by yourself!

If you’d just given the child a moment, he’d probably have got there soon enough and everyone would be calm and happy.

It’s just the same with your dog!

Dog vs. Owner

Many people turn their days into a sparring match with their dog. Quite unnecessarily!

Everything becomes a major issue. Your dog’s actions are interpreted as “defiance”, “trying to rule the roost”, “out of control”.

Have a look at what this open-minded reader said to me, about the lessons she learned in my free Workshop.

“I’ve watched the Workshop and immediately started doing the three things you suggested. I left the choice to her when I wanted her to do something - honest to God I can’t believe it is that simple - she’s much calmer and responsive, and as a result we are calmer - or is it the other way around?

She got lots of praise and a reward - she was so chuffed with herself too!

I will continue to ensure we practice this - even my husband could see the difference and the sense in it!

Thank you so much for sharing this information - definitely my a-ha moment!”  TW

I was particularly touched because

a. She listened with an open mind, tried out the lessons - and found they worked!

b. She went to the trouble to tell me and thank me. Folk are usually quick to chide but slow to bless.

Owner vs Dog

Sadly, there are those who are not so open or ready to learn. They may well be thinking in some way that they’re “not good enough” though they may not admit this to themselves. It’s a simple fear of failure that prevents them having a go and seriously giving the lessons a try.

And it’s a shame that both they and their dog miss out by playing small.

There are plenty of people like my correspondent above who throw themselves wholeheartedly into this new way of existing with their dog - with the splendid result that they are all happier and the whole family operates more smoothly.

Want to know what TW found worked so well?

Watch our free Workshop here and really give the lessons a go. Then you can be writing a triumphant email to me! I look forward to seeing that.