A new puppy PLUS a reactive dog: can it work?

I had this query from a reader recently, whose heart is clearly in the right place:

“I have a reactive/aggressive 8 year old I did not have from a puppy. As she has gotten older she has calmed down a bit however, we do not trust her around other dogs and do not even try to socialise her. She will cry, whine and sometimes growl which can be embarrassing.

I have longed for a dog that I can take everywhere with me and can get along with all dogs and people. I am considering getting another dog that is a little bit older than a young pup.

We do plan on introducing them slowly with the new dog being outside and our older dog inside watching through the window, then keeping them behind closed doors in the house etc.

One of my main worries is jealousy and the new dog picking up bad habits from the older dog. I also worry around the unfairness of walking them separately or is this something they will both quickly adjust to?

How do I make sure the new dog does not being aggressive also?”

Lots of questions here! And a few misconceptions too. Here was my reply to this caring owner:

“Well done on helping your dog get calmer - but don’t be embarrassed when your dog shows she’s uncomfortable! She’s giving you information. If others don’t understand, that’s not your problem - they will be impressed by your care.

New dog - I think you’d be better off with an 8wo pup. You’ll bring out the maternal instincts in your resident dog and she won’t see this baby as competition. Follow this article on introducing a puppy to a reactive dog to ensure a safe introduction and development.

Also, the young puppy will sleep so much that you’ll have plenty of time to give to your adult dog!

Walking separately is not unfair - most dogs prefer this undiluted time with their special person. I have four dogs and they all get their special times of solo walking with me.

There are a number of resources - from free to premium - on www.brilliantfamilydog.com/blog/how-best-can-you-help-your-dog-learn to help you. Do take advantage of them!”

As to how to introduce the older dog to the new puppy - and this goes for ANY older dog and puppy, not just a reactive dog - there is valuable information in that introduction article.

You can’t get a puppy and just chuck it into a multi-dog household and let it sink or swim. The outcomes are most unlikely to be what you’d like! There are plenty of parallels with children whose parents abdicate responsibility and the children rear themselves alongside their equally unguided peers. This can lead them down many unwanted paths . . .

So start as you mean to continue! Lots of 1-1 attention for each dog individually, and the puppy is reared more or less separately. After all, a puppy has a completely different physical timetable, with different requirements for training and exercising, so it makes sense.

Having a multi-dog household with the different characteristics of every dog within it is enchanting. They are so different!

And they need to be allowed to be. And not regarded as a pack.

Here’s a good place to start with your new pup:

Want a step-by-step guide to everything you need to know about your new puppy? Get New Puppy! here and start on the right paw!

Those early months are SOOOO important!

Let me know how you get on.

You and your dog are good enough

How often have you seen something you want then stopped yourself and said “That's not for me.”?

 (And what does this have to do with our dogs?)

This feeling of insufficiency can show up in many ways .... basically as “I’m not good enough”. And how daft is that? Are you not a capable human being who has got where you are in your life by doing things? You can do lots of things I couldn’t begin to do.

So where did this come from? And more to the point how do we show it the door?

Getting rid of that unhelpful voice in your head is essential to get where you want to be in life.

And for our dogs …

Thing is, if you think that about anything, you may think it about other things too - notably about how you can improve your life with your dog.

Now not everyone wants to become a dog trainer! Not everyone wants to immerse themselves in deep study just to get along with their pooch!

But so many of the niggles and disagreements you have with your dog right now can disappear and float away in a moment - if you have the right approach.

You see, it’s often - in fact, it’s usually - NOT the dog.

“Yes it is!” you say, “My dog does xyz, he’s stubborn / difficult / deaf / self-willed …”

But did you know that if YOU change something that YOU’RE doing, your dog can change - magically, instantly?

Sources of conflict can evaporate. Life is enhanced. You get the Brilliant Family Dog you wanted when you first got your dog.

It’s not the thing itself that makes us feel one way or another. It’s how we respond to that thing.

If you call your child and he says, “in a minute …” you can wait.

OR you can erupt and say “GET HERE THIS MINUTE WHEN I CALL YOU I EXPECT YOU TO COME” etc. Now you’re probably feeling fractious, annoyed, taken advantage of . . . and you generated all that by yourself!

If you’d just given the child a moment, he’d probably have got there soon enough and everyone would be calm and happy.

It’s just the same with your dog!

Dog vs. Owner

Many people turn their days into a sparring match with their dog. Quite unnecessarily!

Everything becomes a major issue. Your dog’s actions are interpreted as “defiance”, “trying to rule the roost”, “out of control”.

Have a look at what this open-minded reader said to me, about the lessons she learned in my free Workshop.

“I’ve watched the Workshop and immediately started doing the three things you suggested. I left the choice to her when I wanted her to do something - honest to God I can’t believe it is that simple - she’s much calmer and responsive, and as a result we are calmer - or is it the other way around?

She got lots of praise and a reward - she was so chuffed with herself too!

I will continue to ensure we practice this - even my husband could see the difference and the sense in it!

Thank you so much for sharing this information - definitely my a-ha moment!”  TW

I was particularly touched because

a. She listened with an open mind, tried out the lessons - and found they worked!

b. She went to the trouble to tell me and thank me. Folk are usually quick to chide but slow to bless.

Owner vs Dog

Sadly, there are those who are not so open or ready to learn. They may well be thinking in some way that they’re “not good enough” though they may not admit this to themselves. It’s a simple fear of failure that prevents them having a go and seriously giving the lessons a try.

And it’s a shame that both they and their dog miss out by playing small.

There are plenty of people like my correspondent above who throw themselves wholeheartedly into this new way of existing with their dog - with the splendid result that they are all happier and the whole family operates more smoothly.

Want to know what TW found worked so well?

Watch our free Workshop here and really give the lessons a go. Then you can be writing a triumphant email to me! I look forward to seeing that.