Do you have a rescue dog? Or do you have a *dog*?

Have a think.

When did you last describe your dog as a rescue dog?

Last week?

Yesterday?

Today??

Now, if you acquired your new dog just today, I can understand why you may feel the need to say this. You don’t need to, but we’ll come to that . . .

But if you rehomed your dog more than about five minutes ago, she is NOT a rescue dog! She’s YOUR dog!

Labels

We have a dreadful habit of applying labels to everything.

He’s a naughty child. They’re bossy people. That dog is stubborn.

The first thing to realise is that we’re labelling the PERSON because of their behaviour. Just because someone once did something should not colour our perception of them for ever!

The child was not naughty - he may have done something naughty, but that doesn’t mean you can add the label “naughty” so that you always regard his actions through the “naughty” lens.

Those bossy people maybe reacted poorly in a tricky situation. They didn’t handle it well. They’re not “bossy”. They just weren’t up to that task.

And as for the “stubborn” dog . . . if you’ve read any of my writings you’ll know that dogs are not stubborn. They simply don’t understand what you want of them, or don’t see the value in doing it. That means you haven’t taught them yet!

As the renowned Veterinary Behaviourist Karen Overall says (and I love this quote!),

“What we call something matters because it shapes how we think of it.”

Ditch the labels!

All this labelling is doing us - and the “labellees” a disservice. It is changing our perception of them, and alters our response to them.

If you’re told someone is a thief, you’re going to be very careful around them, watch your belongings, not leave them alone without supervision. It will totally govern how you are with them!

And if you label your dog a rescue - think why that is?

• Are you wanting sympathy and a big “Aahh” when you say it?

• Are you implying that anything your dog does is not your fault?

• Are you abdicating responsibility for teaching this dog - something you can’t deny responsibility for with a puppy you got at 8 weeks?

Whatever it is, ditch that label!

Can you see how it’s not serving you or your dog?

So now, next time you speak to someone about your dog - how are you going describe her?

And for more help with your dog - get our free email course on common dog problems! Lots of help for you there.

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Do you command your dog, or ask him?

And I suppose I can add - do you command your friends, or ask them?

I guess the idea of issuing commands to dogs comes from when the only trainers were policemen, soldiers, gamekeepers, and the like.

They were used to issuing orders to their underlings, so naturally they would do the same with their dogs.

But like so much of what was developed in the last couple of centuries, these methods are now outdated. Much better methods have been discovered and devised, and what’s more - they work!

Issuing a command goes hand in hand with the idea of punishment if the command is not immediately obeyed. People tell me their dogs are disobedient if they don’t respond immediately to a command. How many of these people live with folk who need repeated requests to get anything done?!

Why do they expect a higher standard from their dog?

Thing is - life goes much better when we’re in a partnership with those around us.

We ask them to do things, and they have a choice whether to do them or not.

And that’s exactly how I like to exist with my dogs.

My dogs ALWAYS have a choice!

“But my dog will never make a good choice!” people will wail!

Master and Slave?

Basing your relationship with anyone on a master-slave approach will only ever get grudging compliance at best.

Basing it on a friend-friend approach will get you the outcome you want!

Now in response to the suggestion that dogs will never make a good choice - it’s up to me to set things up so my dogs make the choice I’d like them to make.

And that’s what I mean by “training”.

It isn’t about getting instant obedience because the dog fears my fury or punishment if they don’t do it right.

It’s about bowling along together in harmony, both wanting the same result.

Isn’t that much more appealing?

If you work this right, your dog will anticipate your requests and actually do what you want automatically!

Think on that!

Tell me in the comments, where do you think you can make some changes that will lead to this happy outcome?

If you need some ideas, be sure to watch our free Workshop on Getting Your Dog to LISTEN! Plenty of lessons there to get you started on a new and exciting track!

Do you really want to change your Growly Dog?

Do you really want to change your Growly Dog?

You may think you do. And you may be on a hunt to find out how to improve life with your dog - whom you love dearly, but who is impossible on walks!

And this is a thoroughly laudable intent.

But you want to take care just what you change!

There are plenty of “dog trainers” who want to beat you and your dog into submission. They have no interest in anyone’s feelings. They just want to get results fast, regardless of the emotional cost.

They want you to hand your dog over to them for weeks. And you’ll have no idea what they’re actually doing.

Anyone who tells you they can fix your dog’s reactivity issues (they’ll call it ‘aggression’) in a matter of days or weeks is probably relying on punitive methods which may well work in the short term - by suppressing your dog’s natural responses and taking away his freedom of choice.

But they can have disastrous repercussions down the line!

You’ll find these residential training places online. You’ll find them in the local paper. It’s a cop-out which is very popular at the moment.

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater!

Do you want to give your dog a virtual lobotomy by using electric shock treatment to shut him down?

I’m sure you don’t. But unless you look very closely at what they’re doing with your dog, you won’t know till it’s too late.

This is one of the hazards of residential training: you have no idea what is happening to your dog!

The trainers may or may not make a difference to your anxious dog while he’s in their control.

But what happens when he gets home?

Thing is … it’s YOU who has to learn! Once you’ve learned what’s going on with your dog and why he’s doing what he does, then you can work with him to change this!

And change it while keeping all the wonderful aspects of his personality that make you care for him.

Scrap the idea of sending your dog to someone else to fix

So you’ve scrapped that idea! Now what?

🐕‍🦺 You’ve already hunted all over the internet

🐕‍🦺 You’ve read all the books

🐕‍🦺 You’ve watched the whole of Youtube

🐕‍🦺 You’ve learned ALL the things.

But have you done any of the things?

There is nothing wrong with you!

This is 100% normal. To think you just need to get the knowledge and it’ll all work for you.

You can gather information till the cows come home, but unless you have the support you need, you’re not going to get it working for you!

There’s a high likelihood that your brain is now scrambled. You are confused by so many conflicting methods and remedies - this person says this, that person says that, your next-door neighbour says the other …

So you need to find someone you can trust. Someone who understands what you’re going through, someone with experience, someone with your dog’s best interests at heart.

Try me!

You can check out what I do, what I stand for, and the results I’ve got. There are almost 250 articles here on www.brilliantfamilydog.com for you to read! There are my inexpensive books you can read or listen to, there are free email courses and guides - and there are free Masterclasses for you to “meet” me and see whether what I am saying makes sense to you, and whether I’m someone you can trust.

One person who listened to a Masterclass of mine (focussing on Growly - shy, anxious, reactive, ‘aggressive’ - Dogs) said to herself, “I think this woman can help me,” joined us and has never looked back! Her life and her dog’s life have been totally transformed.

If you’re still reading this post, and have read anything else of mine, there’s a high likelihood that what you are looking for for your dog can be found here.

Start with this Masterclass - The 3 Biggest Mistakes Growly Dog owners make - and what to do instead!

and tell us in the chat there what you think! You can ask any questions you like and I’ll be glad to answer them.

My dog won’t take no for an answer

“My dog has many good points but does not take no for an answer and is very disobedient when he appears to be totally deaf.”

So wrote a reader of her “challenging” dog.

Well, I’m glad the poor dog’s owner recognises he has good points! But the rest of her statement means that she doesn’t understand her dog or his motivation one bit.

Get your free email course to sort out lots of puppy and new dog communication problems

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Disobedient. The dictionary tells us this means “refusing to obey rules or someone in authority”. Now if you’re to obey rules, you have to know what those rules are. And I’m willing to bet this dog has NO idea what the rules are that he’s meant to “obey”!

A common misconception

There seems to be an extraordinary misunderstanding rife amongst dog-owners. They think their dog arrives pre-programmed with English (or Spanish, or Turkish, or whatever they speak themselves). They think that the dog will have a perfect understanding of the meaning of words enunciated loudly and with clarity. So “SIT!” should immediately have the dog sitting.

Furthermore, they think that all their physical expressions and vocal tones will be instantly understood. So “NOOOOOO!” said in a menacing way with finger wagging will clearly mean “Take your paws off the table and go to your basket.”

How is your non-verbal, non-human, dog meant to know this?

Teach first

In the first place, your dog needs to be taught what it is that’s wanted - not left to guess, take pot-luck and hope he gets it right.

You have to give the dog information about what it is you want, not just what you don’t want.

Think of a toddler in your home. You’d be showing her what you wanted, kindly and patiently, naming objects and actions in that motherly chatty way that comes naturally to loving parents. Requests would come as suggestions, (Do you think your teddy bear would like to have tea now?) You wouldn’t bark orders at her! You wouldn’t expect her to understand language before she is verbal herself!

You may treat your dog the exact same way. And it’ll help if you think of how you get your wishes known and followed with your human family.

Cues not commands

Do you order, or “command” your partner or family?

Or do you perhaps ask them?

Perhaps you drop hints, without even saying anything at all! For instance, you may come home exhausted and throw yourself into an armchair. A sensitive family member may say “I’ll put the shopping away for you - would you like a cup of tea?” Or even, “You make us a cup of tea and I’ll deal with all these groceries.”

We give and take. We assess a person’s mood and act accordingly. We adapt our requirements to the situation. We are kind and patient (if we want to keep the peace!).

In enlightened dog training, we call these communications - not “commands” but “cues”. They can be vocal cues (“Would you like to sit?”), or they could be environmental cues (I’m holding your lead - if you want me to put it on you for a walk you need to sit). And no, they don’t understand every word - neither does your toddler. But they can get the drift.

So if you take the word “command” right out of your vocabulary you may find that straight away you get on better with your dog. Really!

You have asked your dog to Sit and she doesn’t. Instead of shouting SIT ever louder and more urgently, you may ask yourself why she doesn’t sit:

• Is it because she’s in pain?

• Is it because the floor is slippery so she’s unable to prop herself up?

• Is it because it’s wet and muddy and she’s a comfort-lover? (My whippet wouldn’t dream of sitting on wet grass - and I’d never ask her to!)

• Is it because she’s distracted by the dog over the road/the postman/children screaming/the shopping bags on the floor/[insert your dog’s fear or fancy here]?

• … or is it perhaps because you never taught her?

“Disobedient” and other such words

The dictionary gives us related words for disobedient:

unruly, wayward, errant, disorderly, delinquent, disruptive, troublesome, rebellious, defiant, mutinous, recalcitrant, uncooperative, non-compliant, wilful, unbiddable, intractable, obstreperous, awkward, difficult, perverse, contrary, naughty, mischievous …

I’ve heard almost all of those words applied to a dog’s behaviour by a frustrated and thwarted owner! Often it’s new dog-owners talking about their first puppy. They clearly are labouring under the misapprehension I outlined above, and are expecting miraculous perception from this baby of another species.

Usually I suggest they substitute the word they’ve used (often stubborn, difficult, disobedient) with a word which better fits the situation: try fearful, shy, overexcited, hungry, overtired … perhaps the sort of words you may use to describe that little toddler who is not doing what you’d like.

We all have reasons for doing things

Of one thing you may be sure - dogs don’t do things for no reason.

You may not be able to see or understand the reason - but there is a reason! And as we’re meant to be the ones with the bigger brains, and we chose to have this dog live with us, it’s up to us to work out what that reason is.

You’ll find some study of Dog Body Language will repay you well (see Resources below). Your dog will heave a huge sigh of relief when at last you seem to understand his clear messages! And no, they’re not obvious to most of us dumb humans till they’re explained to us.

Once you know whether your dog is just distracted or - perhaps - afraid, you’ll be able to deal accordingly with the situation. Keep in mind that you cannot train an emotion-based behaviour out of a dog. They’re not operating on a rational basis at that moment, any more than your shrieking toddler who wants something she can’t get.

So, as I replied to the reader I quoted at the top of this piece, assess the situation carefully before you apportion blame. Your dog needs your help and understanding, not condemnation.

Is your dog throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Check out the

Brilliant Family Dog Academy

Resources

Dog Body Language videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bstvG_SUzMo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00_9JPltXHI

https://susangarrettdogagility.com/2018/06/body-language-fear-and-aggression/

How can I stop my dog doing stuff I don't like?

People are often looking for an instant fix to something they don’t like. 

Me too! 

I’d like a magic wand to wave over life’s problems. Trouble is, people come to me thinking I can wave a magic wand over their dog’s problems and they won’t have to do a thing. 

A recent query was along the lines of, “My dog runs around barking all day in the garden. How can I stop him?”

You don’t have to be a genius to see that your first step must be - don’t leave him unattended in the garden! You can’t hope to change his behaviour until you’ve changed things enough to prevent him indulging in it.

My dog keeps … [insert annoyance here]!

Here are some starters for you:

    •    Jumping up on the furniture
    •    Raiding the bin
    •    Running off on walks
    •    Barking
    •    Destroying shoes
    •    you name it

Whenever someone tells me one of these things, I have one (smug) question:

“Where were you when he was doing all this?”

If you cannot yet trust your dog in any of these areas, then you shouldn’t give him the freedom to carry on doing what you don't like!

Practice makes Perfect - this doesn’t just apply to piano and tennis!

Every time your dog indulges in one of these annoying activities he’s getting more fun from it, and getting better at it. It becomes a habit - and we all know how hard habits can be to break.

The good news is that good habits are just as hard to break as bad ones.

Free online training workshop for you and your dog!

• If your toddler had a fascination for the oven, you wouldn’t be leaving her unattended in the kitchen.

• If your 6-year-old is a danger on his bike, you wouldn’t let him out on the road on his own.

• If your teenager was beginning to mix with the wrong crowd, you wouldn’t be cheerily waving him goodbye of an evening, knowing you’ll be finding him in the police station later that night.

So if your dog is doing something you don’t like, the first thing to do is make sure he can’t do it. 

• You can shut the door to the front room when you’re not there (this will prevent chewing the furniture and barking at the window).

• You keep your dog in the same space (room/garden) as you so he can’t chew shoes, raid bins, dig up the flowerbeds, bark at the moon.

• And if he runs off on walks - you use a long line so that he can roam but not ramble.

That's just for starters ...

Now that isn’t the end of the story. And none of this should be forever. 

Once you’ve got a measure of control over the situation, and you’ve removed the frustration and the yelling, you can start to re-teach your dog what you’d like him to do. 

Dogs don’t exist in a vacuum. They can’t NOT do something - they’re doers.

So once you’ve eliminated what you don’t like, the way is open to change your dog’s habits to what you do like.

So come and join our free 5-day Workshop today! 5 days of free online training, with videos, text, and live broadcasts. You’ll get to meet a host of other lovely dog-owners who are looking to improve the connection between them and their dogs.

To change your dog you need to change yourself first! Watch our Free Workshop and find out how to transform your “deaf dog” into a LISTENING DOG!

November 27, 2017

Beverley Courtney

Puppies and Dogs, Growly Dogs

Tagged: dog training, puppy training, naughty dog, stubborn dog, control dog, crate training, puppy crate training, prevent dog doing bad things, nuisance dog, dog stealing things

Three words to your dog that reveal the wrong attitude

“She’s stubborn. She doesn’t obey my commands.”

When I hear someone talking about their dog like this, I know just what to expect when I visit them.

There will be a lot of shouting, in an increasingly stern and abrupt voice. There will be finger-wagging, the owner will bend over the dog and stare at him. And the dog will either fly around getting more and more excited (read “stressed”) or shut down completely and opt out. The owner will think his dog is complying, but this is what’s known as Learned Helplessness - “I can’t do anything about this so I’ll give up”. There will be much frustration all round.

This has come about not because the owner is nasty or domineering, but because of how they think they need to act with their dog. 

Old sins have long shadows!

They seem to have got the idea that you have to be firm, authoritarian, dominant - whatever you like to call it - with a dog. While they accept that this is not going to work with people, they blindly accept that this is what you do with dogs. It’s true that dogs - all animals - had a hard time in the past, and still do in many cultures. They were regarded as second-class beings - some people even believe they don’t feel pain as we do. 

These people should open their eyes and look around them! Have they not seen Guide Dogs leading their blind owners safely past street hazards? Assistance Dogs opening washing machines and putting the clothes into a basket? Have they not seen a dog telling his deaf owner that there’s someone at the door? (Yes, mine tell me that there’s someone at the door, but because they’re anxious about the invasion, not because they’ve been trained to quietly indicate to me!)

Then what about the astonishing displays of Dancing with Dogs, where the dog learns an extended routine of actions to perform in harmony with its owner? Here’s a superb example.

For a free email course to give you new ways to teach your dog, fill this out

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If you see the enthusiasm and joy expressed in that video (do watch it, it's not long and you'll be enchanted), and in the dogs who excel at Agility and Flyball, you’ll realise that this can’t come from being nagged or punished. It’s pure enjoyment, harnessed.

Even the police - who used to claim they had to be hard on their dogs to be confident that they’d protect them - are now finding that working with the dog rather than against him is infinitely more successful and rewarding for both dog and officer.

We don’t treat children, spouses, or employees like this any more, so why do it to our dogs?

Lazy habits and popular tv

There has been so much change in the way we live over the last century. But it seems that animal care and education lag behind the general trend - by a good number of years.

Doing things a certain way, unquestioningly, because that’s how our parents did it, is not going to move us forward. That thinking would have kept us in caves! We have to take the learning available to us and implement it in our lives. So we must question what we are told to do. This is one of the valuable aspects of the teenage years - question, reject, question, reject. Of course you have to replace what you’ve rejected with something better!

And this would mean being picky about what you watch on television. Just because it’s printed in the paper or broadcast on the screen does not mean it’s right! There are plenty of people making good money from programmes indicating that a sharp, quick, fix is what’s needed to solve all dog behaviour problems. If you still think that beating a child for a minor transgression is ok, then you probably believe this twaddle. 

But most of the people I work with are good, kind, people, who wouldn’t dream of abusing their children. Yet somehow they have allowed this dissonant belief - that animals are different and need to be abused to be acceptable - to take root in their heads. 

I recently saw video of one of those tv personality, non-qualified, self-styled “dog trainers” giving a course on teamwork in the workplace. He used his unpleasant practices on their dogs - leaning over them and shouting, sneering, jabbing them, yanking their lead - to demonstrate. I was appalled that the owners were accepting all this! Suppose they were to go back to their office and shout at their staff, belittle them, jab them in the ribs, pull and push them around?! I feel sure this is not something they would countenance - and if they did they’d soon be advertising for more staff! - yet they swallowed all this because this guy had given himself a funny title and been on television.

"My dog is stubborn" No he's not! Find out what really motivates him

People seem to lose their critical faculties when dealing with their dogs!

Dogs are not “stubborn” 

Dogs are simple souls who try to please. They have fears and anxieties just as we do. They do what works. 

Your puppy who sits down on the pavement and refuses to move is not being stubborn. 

She’s just afraid.

If you’re not sure whether you’re heading into a swamp or a quicksand, sitting still and pondering is a good survival tactic. And if you’ve only been on the planet a few weeks, sitting still and waiting for Mum to guide you is also a good move.

So if you find yourself describing your little puppy as “stubborn”, “obstinate”, “wilful”, and the rest, try substituting the words “fearful”, “anxious”, “eight weeks old” into what you just said and see if that fits better. You’ll surely treat the situation differently once you look at it differently.

Working with someone is so much more pleasant - and effective - than imposing your will on them. Giving the dog a choice (heavily loading the odds in your favour!) will get the result you want without all the expenditure of effort involved in shouting, repeating yourself, and trying to sound masterful.

Dogs do not arrive with us with a perfect grasp of English, or any understanding of our wavy arm gestures. Before you can expect her to respond to what you’re saying, you need to teach your dog what it is you want. Then you can concentrate on the good things your dog does, and ignore the rest. 

What you focus on is what you get.

If you tell a child he’s a cheat and a liar, that’s what he’ll be. 

Turn your focus to what you do want, rather than what you don’t want. 

Catch your dog doing something you do like - and be very excited about it! Once I’d understood this, life with my dogs became a breeze. Most things I don’t appreciate are ignored - no point in stressing about something that is over.

So if shouting “commands” at your dog is not working, try treating your dog as you would a shy two-year-old, and quietly ask her for what you want. You may be astonished at the response you get!

P.S. You’ll have worked it out by now: those three words are “stubborn”, “obey”, and “command”. Banish them from your vocabulary!

To change your dog you need to change yourself first! Watch our Free Workshop and find out how to transform your “deaf dog” into a LISTENING DOG!

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