Are you limiting your dog (and yourself!)?

I was meeting up with a friend recently and met his wife. “And how are you keeping?” says I. “Getting older,” she replied. 

And, I’m sorry to say, this theme was revisited time and again during my visit. Everything was framed as what she couldn’t do because of her age. Sadly, I think that joining a group of older people - who seem to be preoccupied with their health and what they are unable to do - had emphasised her feelings of gloom and despondency.

But you know me! I was not long about filling her mind with more positive thoughts, ways to move forward, make exciting plans, realise what she could do with her life with what she already had.

And she was a very different person when I left, thanking me for what I’d done for her, already full of ideas and making plans for her next project.

Why am I telling you this?

It’s about LABELS.

You may know that I have a bee in my bonnet about how people label themselves, their family and friends, and their dog!

Here are a couple of posts on the subject:

Hooray for change for your dog! Discard the old labels

Labelling your dog and yourself

Labels are limiting!

The thing is, applying a label to something is so limiting. It means it can never be anything else.

This is fine if it’s a table, or a car, that you’re labelling.

But when it comes to sentient beings, creatures interacting with each other, creatures who are growing and developing (or should be!), it is totally inappropriate.

Saying “I’m too old,” is going to prevent you from doing all the things you’re well able to do.

Things that will make your mark on the world, help society, move the world forward.

And saying, “My dog is … stubborn/stupid/untrainable/a rescue” is preventing you seeing your dog as a creature capable of huge learning and growth!

Blanket statements

Making blanket statements tends to be limiting.

“I’m no good at …”

“He always …”

“My dog never …”

We hear these all the time, and it’s equivalent to throwing out the anchor and parking yourself exactly where you are.

No possibility of change!

Replacement thoughts

How about replacing these thoughts in your mind with more enlightening ones:

“I’m open to trying new things.”

“I’d love my dog to … walk nicely on lead/retrieve/calm down ..”

“I have plenty of time left to me - I’m going to …”

“The only constant is change.” Heraclitus

And as Maria Popova says so well,

“A person is not a potted plant of predetermined personality but a garden abloom with the consequences of chance and choice that have made them who they are, resting upon an immense seed vault of dormant potentialities. At any given moment, any seed can sprout — whether by conscious cultivation or the tectonic tilling of some great upheaval or the composting of old habits and patterns of behavior that fertilize a new way of being. Nothing saves us from the tragedy of ossifying more surely than a devotion to regularly turning over the soil of personhood so that new expressions of the soul can come abloom.”

https://www.themarginalian.org/2024/05/15/gardner-self-renewal-meaning/

Budget mentality

Folk sometimes get stuck in limiting themselves to what they think they can afford.

Oh, what a bad road to go down!

You are only limited by your imagination.

If you decide you are going to do anything at all - move house, write a book, start a project - the last thing you should worry about is your budget.

If you leave that out of your calculations entirely, opportunities will present themselves which you would never have seen if you were focussing on what you could afford.

And - here’s the exciting part! These opportunities can bring rewards you could never have expected. Results that far outweigh any investment you made.

Students in the Brilliant Family Dog Academy, for instance, tell me they enrolled in the program because their dog was difficult, or pulling on the lead, or whatever, and what they discovered is a new way of being with their formerly challenging dog that has opened up a new life for both of them.

Here’s what Carol R had to say:

“We have both come a long way, and it is no exaggeration when I say she is a transformed dog 😊. Although we have now worked our way through the whole of the course, we are continually going back to work again through modules, and dipping into Beverley’s books as and when we need to. Our learning will be ongoing for life, but we don’t mind, we are really enjoying it. I’ve found it’s really strengthened our bond, and most of all, it’s fun!!“

We’re exactly halfway through the year - tell me in the comments what you’re going to do with the second half!

Do you tidy up after your dog?

Do you tidy up after your dog?

Or does your dog tidy up after you?

A recent reviewer of one of my cozy mysteries (yes! I write cozy mysteries featuring dogs!) wanted to know how to have more than two dogs and keep her house clean! You see, the books feature a household of three dogs and a cat.

Great question!

Once you have a family - be it two-legged or four-legged - a certain level of housepride has to drop, to maintain your sanity. But this doesn’t mean you have to live in a pig-sty!

It’s important to remember that this is your dog’s home too, and you shouldn’t be spending your time trying to pretend that you have no dog.

My dogs have plenty of beds around the house, so they can use their own furniture instead of mine, and tidy themselves up out of the way of foot-traffic.

They also have a large toy basket. All toys get chucked into this every night, and they can spend happy times rooting through to pick out their favourites or a new toy the next day. They always have access to a large variety of toys, of all possible materials - cloth, wood, metal, plastic, rubber, silicone … things to chase, chew, or cuddle.

Meals are taken in their appointed dining places, and one of them collects the bowls afterward and stacks them for me.

Dogs doing the work

I can frequently be heard saying, “Pick that up for me,” when I drop things or can’t reach them. Sometimes this is from laziness on my part, sometimes because the dogs love to do it - but always because it provides an opportunity for a positive interaction. And is often very entertaining!

Even delicate or awkward things can be carefully retrieved for me, including the tv remote, or a metal spoon. Naturally I’d never ask them to pick up anything sharper than a butter knife!

So “Where’s my jumper?” gets an enthusiastic response as Lacy runs to locate it and bring it to me.

And “Where’s my shoe?” is always good value. Even little Coco can pick up my heavy clogs and bring them. The star of the show here would be Lacy, who - if she can’t see them downstairs, will run upstairs and bring down one shoe. “Where’s my other shoe?” causes a momentarily wrinkled brow before she turns and runs back up to find the pair.

My socks are passed to me when I’m getting dressed and I “drop” a sock. And as long as they’re not very tight-fitting, they can also be removed for me, as well as trousers on request, coat-sleeves (very useful if you have a shoulder injury and can’t reach behind you), and - the pièce de résistance - pulling the cover off a duvet!

These last are all a development from Tug - but with a controlled “hold” so they aren’t ripping things to bits.

A further development of this would be emptying the washing machine, or tidying up rubbish into the bin, or toys into the toybox.

16 Muddy paws?

A towel at the back door is the simplest solution for this, along with an absorbent doormat. Teaching your puppy to have his paws dried is one of those essentials that can be overlooked if you are enjoying a hot dry summer (which this year we definitely are not, here in England!). So be in the habit of randomly “drying” your pup’s paws when he comes in, even when they’re not wet.

You can go a step further and teach your dog to wipe his feet. Some folk use a similar process to teach their dogs to file their own claws on a scratchboard. I have to say I can’t be bothered to supervise this foot-wiping with multiple dogs - easier to grab their paws with the towel. But, of course, I don’t “grab” them. They raise each paw for me in turn.

And, of course, restricting access to any sources of mud in the garden would be a good move.

Lastly, teach your puppies to enjoy hopping in the tub and having a shower from an early age: Coco needed more than a shake and a rub-down when he fell into a black dyke!

So how do I teach all this?

Most of these “tricks” can be learnt in Fetch it! Teach your Brilliant Family Dog to catch, fetch, retrieve, find, and bring things back

For fun and games, when you don’t care about the wellbeing of the object (e.g. their own toys) you can have an informal retrieve. For things where precision is needed - jumpers, shoes, electronics - you need the section on teaching a formal retrieve. It’s no use having a speedy find and pick-up if your item arrives back slobbery and in tatters!

And tidying toys up into a toy basket is simply an extension of the retrieve, but they deliver the item to the basket instead of your hand.

It’s certainly possible to have multiple dogs AND a clean and tidy house.

I’d love to hear what your dog does to help about the house! Comment below.

Don’t give up on your dog!

I love tennis! And not just because of having a constant supply of tennis balls for the dogs …

** Actually I don’t make my dogs ball-mad - there are too many injuries associated with ball-throwing. See this post. I work with frisbees and hoops and tugs in the main - but I digress …**

Tennis … and aficionados will know that right now it’s time for the French Open, at Roland Garros. Roland Garros was not, in fact, a tennis-player, but a famous aviator. And this is what he said:

“Victory belongs to the most tenacious” - Roland Garros

This is emblazoned on the main stadium for all to see and constantly remember.

Now - it’s not just tennis-players who benefit from being tenacious!

Whatever it is you truly want to achieve requires tenacity.

🐾 Things will seldom go as you expected.

🐾Things will fall apart regularly.

🐾 Something you thought you had done will mysteriously become undone.

🐾 It all seems too difficult!

And nowhere is this more true than shaping your pet dog to become your Brilliant Family Dog.

A living being!

We are not dealing with an inanimate object, like a tennis racquet - we are working with a living, sentient, being who has his own ideas about how things should go!

Now it’s true that, as Susan Garrett says, dogs are always doing the best they can with the information they have in the situation they find themselves in.

They are obliging souls!

But they are not superhuman (supercanine yes, superhuman no). They cannot give you the right response without some clue as to what you want.

And with the things you thought you’d taught breaking down, and your dog producing new behaviour with each passing month as he grows and learns, you need to keep those clues coming!

Keep in mind that this dog you’re working with is not set in stone. He’s a changing, developing, person.

Development in the dog

It would be a mistake to think that your 8-week-old puppy is the finished article. He’ll go through many changes as he develops physically and mentally. Just like our own children, there’s a huge learning curve for them to travel before they reach 2.

But what are they learning?

Ha! This is where you come in. Just like our own children, they need constant guidance. You can’t just leave this pup alone and expect him to turn out as you’d like - as the perfect family dog.

This is where our friend Roland has it right!

It’s persistence, consistency, perseverance - all those hard words that you perhaps don’t want to hear - tenacity!

It’s formulating your training plan and sticking to it! That’s what will bring you the results you want.

I’m so pleased when I see people who do just that - stick to their plan - and succeed.

All teachers will be familiar with those who drift in, thinking that just having the idea of training your dog - perhaps enrolling in a course or studying some books - will be sufficient.

It is not.

You have to do the work!

And it’s YOU who has to do the work. Your dog just comes along for the ride. You’re the one with the input.

Commitment to your dog training

If you’re ready to commit to REALLY helping the animal in your care have the best life, and you to have the best life along with him, then I have some resources for you:

Start with this free Workshop, with its important and valuable lessons.

Then you can decide which suits you better - joining us in the vibrant Brilliant Family Dog Academy with video demos and full individual support, or working on your own through my series of books.

It’s all there for you.

The only thing I ask - as your dog can’t ask you - is that you STICK WITH IT!

Toffee is ready to learn!

Give your dog time!

Give your dog time.

And by this I mean thinking time.

You see, dogs process information - in general - more slowly than we do.

I know that’s hard to fathom when your dog seems to be on a hair-trigger for reactivity, or rabbit-chasing - but that’s a gut reaction, not a considered one.

We may forget that there’s a big difference between a gut reaction and a thinking one, and mistakenly expect our dogs to respond at high speed every tiime.

Of course, with consistent, kind, teaching, you will get that knee-jerk reaction you want - a lightning recall, an instant drop. But this comes over time and with many repetitions.

Something new

So if we’re asking them to do something that involves thought, we must give them time to think it out!

This is particularly marked when we’re teaching something new.

Dogs need time to process what they’re being asked to do.

So SIT, SIT, SIT (which we so often hear from impatient owners) will only confuse. It’s not going to get the result you want!

SIT .. pause to see if that went in.. And if the dog is unsure, it may be followed by a ponderous sit.

So - most dogs are fairly quick at sitting in fact, but I give that as an example of the kind of time lag we may need to allow when a new thing is being asked.

Our expectations

Coco stacks cups: this level of skill takes a lot of thought from little Coco! You can see me holding back from “helping” him.

Our expectations can be so unrealistic, that we expect the dog to learn a new thing in a couple of moments!

It takes many repetitions for them to learn this new thing.

You’ve probably forgotten, but how many times did you have to be taught, as a 3 or 4 year old, how to read words, how to do sums? Many, many times! Until it became second nature to you.

And so it is with our dogs. However brainy they are, they’re not going to get much beyond a 3 or 4 year old human level. That’s not how they’re made.

The first mistake …

And one of the chief errors I see is people yelling their “command” and expecting their dog to magically understand it!

Until you’ve gone through this simple repetition process, rewarding the dog’s action whenever she does what you’re hoping for, you’re not yet ready to name this action. How you get the action you want is a secret you’ll learn in the Brilliant Family Dog Academy! You can find out about that here.

You’ll see that we teach in a different way to the traditional one. We get the dog to choose to sit, long before we ever mention that word!

Remember, we don’t add a vocal cue till what we want is pretty fluent.

Then we have to teach the thing all over again - or revise, if you like - with the cue in front. We’re saying, “That thing you’re doing, we call that a SIT.”

Softly, softly, step by step! Think of that toddler, struggling to understand us!

Eventually the vocal cue alone is enough. And by this time, you’ll have an instant response.

The second mistake …

And to keep it fast, keen, and enthusiastic - ALWAYS reward what it is you want your dog to do!

Now, before you complain, that doesn’t mean you always have to be stuffing your dog with treats.

Finding out what he finds rewarding, and then administering that reward - be it a run in the garden, a cuddle, genuine praise, another opportunity to earn a reward - is the mark of a skilful dog trainer.

Is that what you’d like to be?

Interspecies communication

All in all, the fact that this species can understand our human verbal language and act on it is - pretty astonishing!

Let’s keep that in mind, always.

Give them grace, and the time to work it all out.

And you’re not alone trying to figure this out! For a helping hand, check out our simple, step-by-step, dog training books!

Do you ask your dog’s permission for handling him?

There are things we have to do to our dog. Let’s make them into things we do with our dog!

There’s grooming, hunting for ticks and other beasties, claw-clipping and grinding, perhaps administering eye ointment, drying feet … there’s a lot we have to do to keep our dogs fit and healthy.

So it’s important that you don’t just grab your dog (like vets often do) and inflict “treatment” on them!

I appreciate that vets are always in a hurry. But there are some excellent ones who clear it with the dog first before touching them … and then there are the smash-and-grab ones, who can set up a lifelong fear of the vet in a couple of hasty and ill-considered seconds.

So to get this going smoothly, you need to get buy-in from the dog, and make it easier all-round.

Here’s an excerpt from one of my Growly Dog Books

Is it you that’s causing the pain?

The key here is that your dog will associate something with any pain or discomfort he’s feeling. That something he’s latched on to may be the approach of a person holding a broom. It may be entering the vet’s surgery. It may be being manhandled so you can reach his claws. So if you have to administer a treatment which may be uncomfortable, it’s a good idea to get him to associate something else with this pain, and not you!

There are various techniques about that focus on the dog giving you permission to treat him - having him become a party to his own treatment.

Picture this: you go to the dentist for your appointment. While you’re talking to the receptionist, the dentist creeps up on you, grabs your jaw and forces it open to poke instruments in. Horror! This is an assault! And yet isn’t this what people often do to their dogs?

A better scenario would be that you go into the dentist’s surgery. He indicates The Chair. Now when you get into that chair you are effectively giving the dentist permission to open your mouth and start poking about in there. It’s just as unpleasant as before - but this time you gave your consent.

So get your dog to give you consent by transferring the “this may hurt” feelings onto something else. Some people use a pot of treats on the floor. As long as the dog sits or lies still in front of that pot he’ll be given a treat. Gradually you can pick up a paw or start brushing a tail while you dish out the treats. If your dog leaps up and flees, let him. When he ventures back he can choose to station himself in front of the treat pot again. He’s saying, “Ok, you can brush me now”. You could also get out the implements he’s worried about - the nail clippers or the claw-grinder, and perhaps use a particular mat for him to sit on, which you only use for treatments. When he comes to you, you can reward him for his bravery. He knows what’s going to happen - you’re not going to jump him.

If you call your dog over for a cuddle then grab him and swing him over onto his back so you can check his tangles, how’s he going to feel next time you call him?

Choice, choice, choice! Think of that dentist and let your dog have a say in his own care.

📖 Read more here: www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-boxset📚

And here’s a video of my Border Collie Yannick being introduced to Chirag Patel’s excellent Bucket Game. Note that he is free to come and go and take whatever position he likes.

We moved on quickly after these sessions, and I’m now “allowed” to hold all Yannick’s paws and clip his nails without any of the fear he was showing previously.

Should you ignore your dog?

This is the question I received from a follower recently:

“Most trainers say that you should ignore your dog when you come home and they are happy to see you. Do you agree with this?”

It’s something I hear quite often, so I thought I’d address it here.

And I have to say it’s one of the battier things some so-called dog trainers promulgate.

When you arrive home, in the bosom of your family, and they greet you - the children running to clasp you round the knees, your partner calling out an offer of tea from the kitchen - would you ignore them? 

Would you walk past them, ignore them, see their faces crumpling with confusion? 

OF COURSE YOU WOULDN’T!

If you’re the slightest bit normal you are enchanted by this warm homecoming, and respond with delight and appreciation.

Same for dogs

Cricket is first in the queue for a hug after my trip away

So why on earth would you want to ignore your loving dog, who greets you with delight on your return?

I suspect some people get confused between love and discipline.

If you come home to find your possessions shredded, this is NOT your dog’s fault! He may have been lonely, distressed, bored. He may have smelt you on the object he chose to love to death and just wanted to be near you.

Whatever the reason: who left the dog with access to things you didn’t want him to have? 😳

This is simply a case of mismanagement. Fix that and there will never be any need for you to feel anything but delighted when you arrive home.

I have dogs because I love them, and their genuine pleasure at my return home is always important to me. 

Isn’t it for you too?

Comment below …

If you’re finding it difficult to establish the love and boundaries your dog needs so that you don’t need to worry about separation anxiety or dark deeds while you’re out, check out the books here: www.brilliantfamilydog.com/books