Are you limiting your dog (and yourself!)?

I was meeting up with a friend recently and met his wife. “And how are you keeping?” says I. “Getting older,” she replied. 

And, I’m sorry to say, this theme was revisited time and again during my visit. Everything was framed as what she couldn’t do because of her age. Sadly, I think that joining a group of older people - who seem to be preoccupied with their health and what they are unable to do - had emphasised her feelings of gloom and despondency.

But you know me! I was not long about filling her mind with more positive thoughts, ways to move forward, make exciting plans, realise what she could do with her life with what she already had.

And she was a very different person when I left, thanking me for what I’d done for her, already full of ideas and making plans for her next project.

Why am I telling you this?

It’s about LABELS.

You may know that I have a bee in my bonnet about how people label themselves, their family and friends, and their dog!

Here are a couple of posts on the subject:

Hooray for change for your dog! Discard the old labels

Labelling your dog and yourself

Labels are limiting!

The thing is, applying a label to something is so limiting. It means it can never be anything else.

This is fine if it’s a table, or a car, that you’re labelling.

But when it comes to sentient beings, creatures interacting with each other, creatures who are growing and developing (or should be!), it is totally inappropriate.

Saying “I’m too old,” is going to prevent you from doing all the things you’re well able to do.

Things that will make your mark on the world, help society, move the world forward.

And saying, “My dog is … stubborn/stupid/untrainable/a rescue” is preventing you seeing your dog as a creature capable of huge learning and growth!

Blanket statements

Making blanket statements tends to be limiting.

“I’m no good at …”

“He always …”

“My dog never …”

We hear these all the time, and it’s equivalent to throwing out the anchor and parking yourself exactly where you are.

No possibility of change!

Replacement thoughts

How about replacing these thoughts in your mind with more enlightening ones:

“I’m open to trying new things.”

“I’d love my dog to … walk nicely on lead/retrieve/calm down ..”

“I have plenty of time left to me - I’m going to …”

“The only constant is change.” Heraclitus

And as Maria Popova says so well,

“A person is not a potted plant of predetermined personality but a garden abloom with the consequences of chance and choice that have made them who they are, resting upon an immense seed vault of dormant potentialities. At any given moment, any seed can sprout — whether by conscious cultivation or the tectonic tilling of some great upheaval or the composting of old habits and patterns of behavior that fertilize a new way of being. Nothing saves us from the tragedy of ossifying more surely than a devotion to regularly turning over the soil of personhood so that new expressions of the soul can come abloom.”

https://www.themarginalian.org/2024/05/15/gardner-self-renewal-meaning/

Budget mentality

Folk sometimes get stuck in limiting themselves to what they think they can afford.

Oh, what a bad road to go down!

You are only limited by your imagination.

If you decide you are going to do anything at all - move house, write a book, start a project - the last thing you should worry about is your budget.

If you leave that out of your calculations entirely, opportunities will present themselves which you would never have seen if you were focussing on what you could afford.

And - here’s the exciting part! These opportunities can bring rewards you could never have expected. Results that far outweigh any investment you made.

Students in the Brilliant Family Dog Academy, for instance, tell me they enrolled in the program because their dog was difficult, or pulling on the lead, or whatever, and what they discovered is a new way of being with their formerly challenging dog that has opened up a new life for both of them.

Here’s what Carol R had to say:

“We have both come a long way, and it is no exaggeration when I say she is a transformed dog 😊. Although we have now worked our way through the whole of the course, we are continually going back to work again through modules, and dipping into Beverley’s books as and when we need to. Our learning will be ongoing for life, but we don’t mind, we are really enjoying it. I’ve found it’s really strengthened our bond, and most of all, it’s fun!!“

We’re exactly halfway through the year - tell me in the comments what you’re going to do with the second half!

You *can* train your dog - with a bit of help!

I get a lot of mail. People have endless questions - and I’m happy to point them in the right direction. I take the time because it’s part of my mission of helping dogs.

But it’s sad when I get the third or fourth email from the same person. And they’re asking the same question as they did in their first missive!

I give them the same answers. Again.

Trouble is, their dog is now many months or even years older. Whatever their issue was is now entrenched, a habit.

If they’d only followed my suggestion the first time round, their issue would be long gone!

Why are they not helping their dog?

So I wonder .. why is this?

And the unfortunate conclusion is that they think that by asking me the question, they’ve solved the problem!

They don’t seem to realise that they actually have to DO something to put the advice into practice.

And before you throw up your hands and say, “How could anyone be so stupid?” just think of when we’ve asked someone’s advice .. did we always take it? Hmmm 🙄

Or did we perhaps think, “That’s too hard - I can’t do that!”

It could be for reasons of finance, commitment, time.

But here’s the thing: if you really wanted to fix your problem, you’d do what it takes to fix it!

And what it takes could be more than you’re currently able to manage on your own.

What it comes down to is lack of support.

You can fervently wish to change the thing that’s bothering you with your dog, but the advice given just seems too hard to do with the knowledge and experience you have right now.

That’s why you need to use someone else’s knowledge and experience!

We can’t know everything. We can’t be good at everything.

We need the humility to recognise when we’re beat, and that we need to ask for help.

I want help with my dog!

This is why students do so well in my programs. They recognise that they can’t do it alone, and they get that help.

The 1-1 coaching is available for as long as you like. You never get thrown out of the program - this is actually unusually generous. Many programs are for only a year, then you’re out. In mine - you just stick around and make friends!

My programs have continual input from me and my experienced trainer team. You never have to do this alone!

In From Growly Dog to Confident Dog, for instance, there are regular Coaching Calls with individual coaching.

Here’s what some of our Brilliant Family Dog students have to say:

“I am over the moon with the course and can see improvements every day. I am so happy I found this program. Thank you Beverley and Trainers.” DD

“Your communities are just fantastic! You have set the whole tone for support, friendly advice, constructive comments, a much appreciated touch of humour, encouragement, keeping up enthusiasm ... and more. It's a pleasure to be part of it, to dip in and out as life goes on and always to feel welcome.” JL

“I have started week two of the training with her and am already telling others how amazing the course is. If I'd only found Brilliant Family Dog before I got her!! I think your program is absolutely fabulous. Really enjoying the training.” LB

“Many thanks for being you! and for all you have taught me. My puppy is so different to all my expectations, because of you. Your training truly is brilliant!” CN

“I can’t start to explain how happy I am with the help and support I’ve had in the Brilliant Family Dog Academy, and its carefully-structured training.” SW

“Seems to me that you wear many different hats .... dog trainer, people trainer, educator, counsellor, support/outreach, author, etc - awesome!” LA

“Beverley, we will continue on our amazing journey, I am so pleased you are a part of it. Feel proud of what you do, it is invaluable and really does make this world a better place, especially for the canines who live alongside us.” SM

Want to get started with this guided learning?

Can you take your dog everywhere?

It’s a lovely thought!

We get a dog to be our companion, to be with us all the time, to accompany us on trips to the cafe, the pub, the family, the local fair …

And then reality hits.

THIS dog, the one you’ve got, is not quite what you expected!

He doesn’t like noisy children, he finds strangers approaching him worrying, he’s anxious about other dogs, and as for the bangs and mock-fighting and hullabaloo at the historical re-enactment you were dying to go to - horrors!

Maybe you do have a super-sociable dog. Maybe he just loves everyone. But you still may reach his limit if you take him on a long excursion to a rowdy place.

You may be enjoying looking at those stands of goodies, but does he like being squashed between so many people’s legs? Down there at ground level where he can’t see a thing, possibly getting enthusiastic greetings from children or other dogs. You’re busy admiring the offerings at the market or fete, so it’s hard to notice this in time, and guard against anything untoward.

What’s sauce for the goose may well not be sauce for the gander!

“I want to be alone!”

Then you have to look at your dog who just plain doesn’t like crowds.

You did all the right things with socialising her, but she still doesn’t like some of the things you’d like to do with her.

Imagine that was you.

Imagine your family insisted on dragging you round somewhere you hated. A family member who’s mad about motorcycles dragging you off to Brands Hatch, Silverstone, or Mondello Park? The smells, the noise, the crowds … maybe you’d love it! Or maybe you’d hate it.

But you’d like to have a say!

We need to extend the same courtesy to our dogs.

Do they really want to be hauled around a showground on a short lead, hot, bothered, nowhere to lie down?

And just before you say, “My dog’s FINE!” I want you to consider that if a dog is in a stimulating environment and keeps close to you, quiet, “no trouble at all”, this dog is most probably “shut down”.

She can’t escape the situation, so she keeps her head down and hopes it will all go away.

It’s a form of learned helplessness. She can’t cope, there’s nothing she can do, so she submits to the torment.

Go without the dog!

The fact is, there are things you enjoy, there are things your spouse enjoys, there are things your dog enjoys.

If everyone isn’t enjoying the outing, then - why not leave them at home?

And enjoy the happy greetings when you return exhausted from your outing!

Dog reactivity - what actually is it?

This post was first published on positively.com and reprinted with permission 

Got a reactive dog? A fearful, anxious, or aggressive dog? A dog who barks and lunges at everything she sees? This is just for you!

My three books on Growly Dogs - Essential Skills for your Growly but Brilliant Family Dog - are full of strategies and techniques to help you with your difficult dog, and I thought I’d give you a chapter from Book 1: Why is my dog so growly? to get you started on the road to change.

Chapter 1: Reactivity - what is it

“What do we mean by this word “reactivity”? Basically, it means that your dog is reacting to his environment, but that instead of being able to assess the situation calmly, make good judgements, and move on, he’s stuck in “See dog: bark!”

You may think your dog is weird - that one moment he’s a happy dog inside the house, and as soon as you step outside he turns into a snarly monster. Imagine you’re enjoying tea and cake at a friend’s house. You’re happy and relaxed. Then your friend takes you to see his reptile collection (Oh no!! Exactly what makes your skin crawl!). In that room full of snakes and lizards, do you feel as comfortable as you were in the tea-and-cake room? And when he opens the cage and offers you one to hold ... that’s when you may panic and need to get out of the room.

Have you ever felt anxious and jittery for some reason? Worried about an interview, perhaps, or waiting for news from the hospital. Every bang or squeak makes you jump! Imagine living in that state all the time.

And at the bottom of this is usually FEAR. The reason your dog is making such a hullabaloo at the sight of another dog (or person, bike, jogger, car, plastic bag, you-name-it) is because she’s trying to keep it away from her. Putting on an Oscar-winning display of teeth, claws, and noise usually does the trick.

The other person or dog may think, “This is a nasty dog, I’m outa here,” or you - in your embarrassment and confusion - take the dog away, or dive into someone’s driveway till the other has passed. Either way, for your dog, the barking and lunging worked! The threat is no longer there!

Sometimes this response is totally misunderstood by the owner, who says, “He drags me towards every dog because he wants to play”.

In a later chapter we’ll be looking in detail at Dog Body Language. It’s possible you are not recognising some of the things your dog is telling you! It will be much clearer when you’ve learnt his sophisticated method of communication.

“Dogs do what works” 

I will be saying this over and over again. Your dog doesn’t have a secret agenda to terrify the neighbourhood; she has no wish to fight with every dog she sees. All she wants is for the thing that’s coming at her to go away. And she’s discovered that her fear reaction of barking and prancing often works. So that’s what she’ll keep doing.

Until ... we show her another way to get the same result! Without anxiety, distress, and disarray.

Your dog is not aggressive, nasty, vicious - any of the names that passers-by may give her. She’s just afraid.

If this comes as a surprise to you, have a look at other aspects of your dog - around the house for instance. Does she jump at loud bangs? Does she bark at visitors? Is she deeply suspicious of any new object in her environment, creeping up slowly to inspect it on tippy-toes with outstretched neck? Does she get distressed when she’s left alone? Is it hard to brush her, or trim her feet?

All these can also be indicators of an anxious dog who is more likely to react to strange dogs, people, or things, when out.

And keep in mind that your dog can be afraid of anything at all. While many reactive dogs are reactive to other dogs, there are plenty who are just fine with other dogs, but terrified of traffic, or tractors, or people, or children ...

But my dog’s friendly!   

Another reason some dogs become reactive is frustration. They may really want to meet every dog or person in the world and expect a good outcome. This may work when they’re off-lead and able to get away (more about that later on), but it may also come apart quite quickly when the other dog doesn’t welcome the intrusion, or is much bigger and bolder than your dog first thought.

Off-lead this can result in a panic response where your dog snaps and barks before running away. There is scope for this to go badly wrong, if the other dog joins in the fray. On-lead the frustration grows very quickly, as the dog does not have the freedom to do what he wants, and little impulse control to deal with these feelings. So he barks and lunges towards the other dog.

The symptoms are the same as for the fear-barker - though the underlying cause is slightly different. This dog’s actions are often misunderstood by his owner, who fears they have an aggressive dog.

The frustrated dog may have poor social skills, racing up to a strange dog and hurling himself in their face, or on top of them. Imagine someone doing that to you in the street: you’d have a thing or two to say, I’m sure!

He may be stuck in puppyhood, thinking that racing up to every dog is ok. This dog needs to learn manners, just as our children do. We wouldn’t accept behaviour from a teenager or adult that we’d accept from a three-year-old child. It would be most inappropriate. And yet many owners think it’s ok that their dog should jump up at every dog they see, just because they think he’s friendly.

Jekyll on-lead, hyde off-lead? 

I find a lot of people saying to me that their dog is only reactive on-lead, and that off-lead “he’s fine!”

I can only say that I’ve never seen a dog-reactive dog who is “fine” off-lead. 

A little study of dog body language will reveal a lot of signs of discomfort in this dog. The only advantage of being off-lead is that the dog can get away before things get out of hand. And because this is not possible when he’s on-lead, we get the “fight or flight” result: b-a-r-k-i-n-g.”

It’s hard to do this alone - but you don’t have to! You can choose to work directly with me and my team of highly-qualified trainers. Start with the free Masterclass for Growly Dogs here

To read more of this book, go to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-books where you’ll find all three books, available on Amazon in ebook and paperback - and a box-set of all of them at once!

How much does a dog's breed predict his behaviour?

I’m always saying that “There is more difference between individual dogs than between breeds.”  

Defining a person by his ancestry is called racism. And in defining a dog by the set of his ears or tail, the length of his legs, coat-colour, or any of the other cosmetic changes developed in the last couple of hundred years since breeds became a thing - you are being, shall we say, “breedist” ;-)

This saying has long been known amongst those who study dog behaviour. Especially those who work with dogs, and whose eyes and mind are open.

(Sadly there are a lot of so-called dog experts who’ve never studied anything in their lives. Their minds are made up and they do not wish to be confused by the facts.)

And it’s good to see a paper released recently which confirms what the more discerning amongst us already knew.

The researchers studied 18,000 dogs, with DNA sequencing for 2,000 of them. They included purebred dogs, mixed-breed dogs, purpose-bred working dogs, and village dogs, to give a full picture.

And their main conclusion was this:

“Behavioral traits are subtly differentiated in modern breeds. Furthermore, breed offers only modest value for predicting the behavior of individual dogs. For more heritable and more breed-differentiated traits, like biddability, knowing breed ancestry can make behavioral predictions somewhat more accurate in purebred dogs. For less heritable, less breed-differentiated traits, like agonistic threshold, which measures how easily a dog is provoked by frightening, uncomfortable, or annoying stimuli, breed is almost uninformative.”

In other words …

Breed or type is not a predictor of behaviour in an individual.

They go on to say:

“Among behavioral traits, biddability—how well dogs respond to human direction—was the most heritable by breed but varied significantly among individual dogs. Thus, dog breed is generally a poor predictor of individual behavior and should not be used to inform decisions relating to selection of a pet dog.”

There you have it! Like people, dogs are individuals, and ancestry has little impact on how they will behave.

Your Retriever may be gun-shy. Your Whippet may be lazy. Your Border Collie may be dumb. Your guard breed dog may be so afraid of his own shadow that he couldn’t guard a thing.

The trouble is …

We think we know it all! We look at our dog when he does something we may not like, and say, “Typical terrier,” or “Just like a poodle!” or “Labradors are all the same.”

But the fact is, we are seeing what we expect to see. It’s called Confirmation Bias - that you see confirmation of your beliefs wherever you look, with no sound basis in fact!

For instance, if you think red cars have suddenly become all the rage, you’ll see them everywhere. “There!” you say, “Red cars are really popular right now.”

As the paper puts it:

“In purebred dogs, cultural breed stereotypes affect the perception of a dog’s behavior and thus may alter a dog’s environment.”

If you expect red cars to show up, you’ll see them - you may even go to places where there are likely to be more of them (Ferrari showroom, anyone?).

And if you expect your Dachshund to bark, then you will get used to his barking, assume that it’s part of his make-up, and accommodate his expected behaviour, not realising that he’s actually barking because he’s afraid, and you can help him!

Worse still, if you think that your Beagle will run off - because “Beagles do” - you won’t actually bother to train a solid recall from the start. You’ll confirm your perception of the dog’s behaviour being a result of his breed, by allowing him to run off!

Are you blaming your dog’s ancestry for what you haven’t taught him?

If you think that there’s a smidgin of truth in this, I recommend you have a look at the paper, then you can play around with their behaviour predictor and see just how accurate your perception of your dog’s behaviour is!

As Dr Elinor Karlsson of the University of Massachusetts, one of the authors, says:

“Owners should pay much less attention to all the stories about what their dog’s breed ancestry says about their behaviour and personality, and pay attention to the dog sitting in front of them.”

… which brings me to another of my favourite sayings:

Always work with the dog in front of you, rather than the dog you wish you had.

And for a totally individualised program of how to get your dog to listen - and yes, that includes Beagles! - watch our free Workshop here.

Have you taught your dog any dog tricks?

I well remember a couple who came to puppy class with their pup. They were very controlling and expected far too much of their youngster. When I told them in Week 1 that they’d be learning some tricks later in the course, everyone in the room was excited and enthusiastic - except for this pair.

They looked stony-faced and said, “We do not want our dog to do tricks.”

How sad!

What they completely failed to realise was that it’s all tricks for the dog! All of it!

SIT is a trick. DOWN is a trick. WALK BESIDE ME is a trick.

What we tend to label “tricks” are usually the things that aren’t necessary for daily life with your dog - but hugely enhance your relationship, and are FUN!

So SIT is a trick to your dog. And SIT PRETTY is just an extension of that trick. The big difference is how people respond to the dog. And if your dog can give you a Sit Pretty (Sit up and beg) on cue, this is guaranteed to produce smiles all round - including from your dog!

Hidden benefits

Now there are a lot of hidden benefits to these tricks.

Sit Pretty requires some body conditioning to achieve, and is particularly useful to teach correctly to long dogs and heavy dogs. It strengthens their back muscles and their balance, thus helping to avoid injuries.

Don’t forget that catching and retrieving is a useful and enjoyable trick to exercise your dog - and yourself!

And if your dog is focussing on waving his paws in the air for you, he can’t be stealing the cake, barking at the other dog, or losing interest in you and running off.

Add to this the fact that you can adapt the trick to the dog’s body shape and ability. So one dog will hold the paws up over her head, while another will dangle them prettily in front of her. It’s all a question of what works for you and your particular dog.

Here Rollo demonstrates he can even do it when sitting in a pond!

And you can make a start teaching your dog some tricks in the Brilliant Family Dog Academy! You’ll find the program introduced in this free Workshop.

Have a look at Trick Dog Champion Coco enjoying his performance here. And yes - look at that waving tail! He loves his tricks. And we use a lot of them daily.

Useful tricks!

Add to this the fact that many “tricks” are Assistance Dogs’ bread and butter. It’s not just for amusement, but is genuinely helpful.

Changing a duvet cover is hugely eased with a dog gently hanging on to the cover while you pull out the duvet.

And dragging the bedclothes off a teenager then jumping on them for a game is a great way to dig them out of their beds!

Picking up socks, pulling socks of your feet, fetching your shoes or jumper, loading and unloading the washing machine, collecting up the food bowls, tidying up their toys, handing you a tea-towel or the oven gloves when you need them - all very useful tricks.

How sad that that little dog at class was going to be denied this fun!