Are you limiting your dog (and yourself!)?

I was meeting up with a friend recently and met his wife. “And how are you keeping?” says I. “Getting older,” she replied. 

And, I’m sorry to say, this theme was revisited time and again during my visit. Everything was framed as what she couldn’t do because of her age. Sadly, I think that joining a group of older people - who seem to be preoccupied with their health and what they are unable to do - had emphasised her feelings of gloom and despondency.

But you know me! I was not long about filling her mind with more positive thoughts, ways to move forward, make exciting plans, realise what she could do with her life with what she already had.

And she was a very different person when I left, thanking me for what I’d done for her, already full of ideas and making plans for her next project.

Why am I telling you this?

It’s about LABELS.

You may know that I have a bee in my bonnet about how people label themselves, their family and friends, and their dog!

Here are a couple of posts on the subject:

Hooray for change for your dog! Discard the old labels

Labelling your dog and yourself

Labels are limiting!

The thing is, applying a label to something is so limiting. It means it can never be anything else.

This is fine if it’s a table, or a car, that you’re labelling.

But when it comes to sentient beings, creatures interacting with each other, creatures who are growing and developing (or should be!), it is totally inappropriate.

Saying “I’m too old,” is going to prevent you from doing all the things you’re well able to do.

Things that will make your mark on the world, help society, move the world forward.

And saying, “My dog is … stubborn/stupid/untrainable/a rescue” is preventing you seeing your dog as a creature capable of huge learning and growth!

Blanket statements

Making blanket statements tends to be limiting.

“I’m no good at …”

“He always …”

“My dog never …”

We hear these all the time, and it’s equivalent to throwing out the anchor and parking yourself exactly where you are.

No possibility of change!

Replacement thoughts

How about replacing these thoughts in your mind with more enlightening ones:

“I’m open to trying new things.”

“I’d love my dog to … walk nicely on lead/retrieve/calm down ..”

“I have plenty of time left to me - I’m going to …”

“The only constant is change.” Heraclitus

And as Maria Popova says so well,

“A person is not a potted plant of predetermined personality but a garden abloom with the consequences of chance and choice that have made them who they are, resting upon an immense seed vault of dormant potentialities. At any given moment, any seed can sprout — whether by conscious cultivation or the tectonic tilling of some great upheaval or the composting of old habits and patterns of behavior that fertilize a new way of being. Nothing saves us from the tragedy of ossifying more surely than a devotion to regularly turning over the soil of personhood so that new expressions of the soul can come abloom.”

https://www.themarginalian.org/2024/05/15/gardner-self-renewal-meaning/

Budget mentality

Folk sometimes get stuck in limiting themselves to what they think they can afford.

Oh, what a bad road to go down!

You are only limited by your imagination.

If you decide you are going to do anything at all - move house, write a book, start a project - the last thing you should worry about is your budget.

If you leave that out of your calculations entirely, opportunities will present themselves which you would never have seen if you were focussing on what you could afford.

And - here’s the exciting part! These opportunities can bring rewards you could never have expected. Results that far outweigh any investment you made.

Students in the Brilliant Family Dog Academy, for instance, tell me they enrolled in the program because their dog was difficult, or pulling on the lead, or whatever, and what they discovered is a new way of being with their formerly challenging dog that has opened up a new life for both of them.

Here’s what Carol R had to say:

“We have both come a long way, and it is no exaggeration when I say she is a transformed dog 😊. Although we have now worked our way through the whole of the course, we are continually going back to work again through modules, and dipping into Beverley’s books as and when we need to. Our learning will be ongoing for life, but we don’t mind, we are really enjoying it. I’ve found it’s really strengthened our bond, and most of all, it’s fun!!“

We’re exactly halfway through the year - tell me in the comments what you’re going to do with the second half!

My dog gets to enjoy the coffee shop too!

My dog gets to enjoy the coffee shop too!

I am sitting in the window of our local busy coffee shop, in a comfortable armchair, my coffee on the table beside me. Just inside the full-length window, by my feet, lies Lacy on her mat.

We can both relax after our morning outing - me in my armchair, she on her mat watching the world go by without barking at it.

She’s polished off the liver sausage foodtoy I prepared for her. She’s done a couple of tricks for a fingertip of cream from my coffee. She’s watched comings and goings and is now dozing on the mat, her chin resting on my foot.

She’s popular with the staff who are always pleased to see her. It’s a pleasant way for both of us to unwind after our morning’s work.

You may think this is all fairly unremarkable, but you should know that Lacy started out as a very reactive dog - she would get stressed and barky and appear ferocious at any approach, of dogs or people.

Already got a Growly Dog? A reactive, shy, aggressive dog? Watch our free Masterclass and learn new strategies to change your lives for the better!

So getting her to genuinely relax in a public place is an achievement of which I am proud and which we can both enjoy. A lot of what I teach here at Brilliant Family Dog is geared to growing your puppy’s or dog’s confidence and ability to relax. You can train all the sits in the world, but it’s no good if your dog is panting and gasping and pinging off the walls!

Horses for courses

Many dogs are sufficiently “wired” that they need help to learn this skill - especially with the growing popularity of placing working dogs in pet homes. This is a kind of square-peg/round-hole combo which needs careful management to succeed and not drive everyone - owner and dog - barmy.

Lacy has also gone through all the training I do in my premium programs - naturally, it’s one of the perks of being the boss’s dog! And the results have been as spectacular for her as for so many of my students. “I can’t believe how much our life has changed,” is a common cry after even the first Growly Dog lesson.

An awful lot of this has to do with how we act ourselves, and with our expectations: What you expect, you get! Gaining insight into why your dog does what she does is the way to make changes to accommodate her needs with minimum disruption to your daily life. And that’s the focus of the choice-based training I teach.

It’s a question of growing your confidence so you know what to do in any situation. Being able to settle your dog in a public place and flip her off-switch is a valuable skill.

Here’s a great way to get started with this skill

Calm Down! Step-by-Step to a Calm, Relaxed, and Brilliant Family Dog - in ebook, paperback, or audiobook - will help you to locate this hidden switch!

Don’t go without our free e-course to change life with your Growly Dog!

THIS E-COURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

“My dog doesn’t listen to me!”

I did a quick survey amongst my readers recently.

I asked them:

“When you think of improving your life with your dog, what is the one thing that would make all the difference to you?”

And who knew?

The overwhelming majority of people said something along the lines of

“Listening to me”

“That she responds to me”

“If he started listening”

or just plain “Obedience”.

This was interesting, though perhaps not surprising.

For listening is the basis of any relationship!

With your spouse, your friends, your children - if none of them ever listened, this would not make for a rewarding relationship. Tempers would fray. Happiness would not be evident!

But what makes someone listen to you?

Everyone listens to the same radio station: WIIfm - “What’s in it for me?” If whenever they listen to you they get

a) no response from you, or

b) an earful

they’re not going to be too keen on listening the next time you utter.

So what can you do to make yourself more interesting to your dog? Without bribing, begging, cajoling, or pleading?

Watch our free Workshop and learn how to communicate effectively with your dog or your new puppy, right from the start!

Yep, it’s another of our hugely popular Workshops, coming up this very week. A way to start not just the New Year, but the New Decade, the way you would like to continue.

So far several thousand people have enjoyed these Workshops - and those who pay attention and do the work get fantastic results!

Here are a few comments from folk in previous Workshops:

Did two sessions already and his recalls outside improved. This is going to be a fabulous week!! Thank you so much! Veronica

“Getting very inspired and Ida is beside herself with joy. This course really works and not just for a week.” Diana

Thank you, Beverley Courtney, for a great learning experience this week. It has helped me realize how much my own attitude and tension influence my dog. You have given us skills, techniques and understanding in such a simple and clear way. Annabel

“So proud of how my little dog is progressing, thanks to what we are learning from Beverley, would never have thought it possible, but we’re steadily getting there!” Carol

You put the tools in front of us and give us the confidence to experiment! I so appreciate your clarity! Jud

“So, after day 3 I'm starting to think I've had a Brilliant Dog all along!” Jennifer

One of the best things I have done, the Workshop taught me so much. Karen

We’re putting the finishing touches to the Workshop now, to make sure you have a great experience, enjoy meeting a host of new friends who know just how you feel, and to ensure you get the results you want: A dog who listens!

And how can you get started? Have a look at this post and get started straight away.

We’ll be going into this in much more detail in the Live Trainings . . . Be sure to be there!

Your dog and Christmas visitors

Christmas is coming!

And your house will be filled with fun and laughter …

You’re expecting friends, family, children, grandchildren, which is all delightful and lovely - but your dog has never really met any children. And he’s alarmed by strange men in the house.

Christmas is a time of upheaval for dogs.

• Upheaval = stress

• Stress for your dog = stress for you, and for your guests!

So what can you do to minimise the stress? 

Preparation is key!

It’s getting a bit late for a major counterconditioning program, but there are things that can help the holiday season run smoothly.

If a baby will be on the guest list, get a blanket the baby has been sleeping in (and doing everything else in!) and leave it lying around for your dog to sniff for a while before the arrival. She'll gradually get used to the strange baby smells and it won’t be such a shock when the real thing (attached to a protective mother) arrives.

You can also use audio of babies crying on Youtube, gradually raising the sound level as your dog grows accustomed to it. Baby programmes on tv will also be helpful to watch with your dog and a stash of tasty treats. See this post about animals on tv, to guide you.

The most important thing is always to have a bolthole so your dog can choose to escape. If she can’t cope with the noise and hubbub, get her out of the way where she can continue her usual routine of sleeping for most of the day.

If you haven’t already got a cosy nest, make one now, and start using it STRAIGHT AWAY! Consider soft lighting, half-covering the crate, soft music (classical, like Mozart, is best - but you can also find stuff on Youtube). The music will not only soothe and calm your dog, but also muffle some of the sounds of the household.

If children are visiting, ensure the dog room is locked and you have the key! It only takes a moment for a curious, over-excited child to open the door, and there could be bad and sad consequences . . .

But here’s the best trick of all

Have ONE person responsible for the dog at all times, and when you need to, pass the con to someone specific for a specific length of time. And know when they’re going to hand responsibility back to you. You never want to hear “But I thought YOU were looking after the dog . . .”

If your dog is really uncomfortable with strangers, he doesn’t have to meet them at all. No, really - he doesn’t!

Though an on-lead - and muzzled if necessary - drive-through of the living room when the party has died down a bit, may help.

Meeting outside can be a very effective strategy - on a walk up and down the road outside your house. You can be close enough to chat to your guest without being so near that your dog gets agitated and barky.

Do NOT ask others to feed him. This is very conflicting.

If he wants to greet - or even look at - a visitor, you feed him.

Get in a stash of hooves, pigs’ ears, marrowbones, kongs, liver pate, peanut butter (xylitol-free), squeezy cheese - whatever your dog enjoys (not rawhide chews, which can be dangerous). Have them on hand so he can chew himself to sleep in his cosy den.

And please - NO cutesy photos of dogs and children. In most of the photos we see on the internet, the dog is actually very worried and the child is within an ace of being bitten or snapped at. See this image here, of a very alarmed dog who is trapped between child and chair. His mouth is already parting in a grumble. The adult nearby seems unaware . . .

It doesn’t have to be like this! This is what Sue had to say, after completing a Puppy Course with me:

The grandchildren can now come in and wander around and even eat a biscuit on the sofa and Jasper doesn’t bother them. He acts calmly around them now and has even stopped barking and growling at children we see when we are out and about! Massive improvements all round. Life is just wonderful! My dream dog!

Got a jumpy puppy?

It won’t do your puppy any good to get so excited he can’t control himself - or his bladder! This is another good candidate for meeting guests outside, so leaks won’t matter.

As to jumping up, if your pup is small enough you can carry him, if not, have him on lead so you can manage the greeting carefully. Encourage children to get down to puppy level to interact briefly (no rolling about on the floor please!) so the pup has no need to jump up.

But you really do need to practice this when people aren’t as high as kites, or “tired and emotional”!

Your puppy already needs 17 hours of sleep a day. Deprive him of any of that, and he can get overwrought and nippy. It can all end in tears! You must always have an adult actively supervising when the puppy is with the children.

So make sure you keep to his usual timetable of meals and sleeps, and use that hidden-away cosy den so he can really switch off.

Protect your dog from over-excited children and drunken guests!

He only has you to look out for him.

Be sure to honour his trust.

WANT THIS KIND OF SUCCESS FOR YOURSELF?

Watch our free Workshop right now and start on your lessons straight away!

Brilliant Family Dog - leading the way for reactive dogs

You’re here because you’re looking for answers for your reactive, anxious, aggressive, hyper - Growly! - dog, am I right?

✅ You are in absolutely THE RIGHT PLACE for authentic help. For force-free help. For help in making lasting change.

❌ You’re in THE WRONG PLACE if you’re looking for a quick fix, if you think that your dog is to blame, if you think a gadget or medical intervention will solve everything, without you having to bother.

I need this in a hurry!

These days we are all in a hurry all the time! We want everything now, or better yet - yesterday. And we don’t want to have to work for it! “Just drop it in my lap, please,” we are taught to expect.

It comes as a genuine shock to some folk that their life will not change by “fixing what’s wrong with the dog”.

That’s why it’s no use handing your problem dog over to a trainer to do the work for you! It’s what’s happening in your home, between you and your dog, that needs fixing. It’s not the dog - it’s both of you!

Want to get the support and learning you need? Get our free e-course here and get started!

THIS E-COURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

People are forever asking me,  

• “How do I stop my dog doing xyz?”

• “How can I control my dog?”

• “What’s the quickest way to get my dog to …. ?”

• And the perplexing “Why doesn’t my dog know …. ?”

“Errr, because you haven’t taught him?” would be the quick answer to that last one!

But this all presupposes that there’s some recipe to follow, which the questioner just hasn’t found yet.

People come to my Workshops expecting to be told, “Do this, then do that, and your dog will comply.” But they find that I don’t do that!

Instead they are asked searching questions about their relationship with their dog, and discover that changing their life with their dog requires them to change what they’re doing with their dog, AND who they’re being with their dog.

Of course, some say, “Where are the instructions? How can I fix my dog-problems if you don’t give me the answers?” And they leave, looking for someone else to do the work for them.

Those who stay, who tussle with those difficult questions, are the ones who actually transform their lives with their once-difficult dog. Now, I’m not saying their dog is now perfect! Any more than my dogs are perfect, or I’m perfect!

What I’m saying is that these enlightened owners come to a higher level of understanding which means they can enjoy a new life with their dog whether or not their dog changes. (But they usually do change, dramatically.)

Change will come - but in its own time

Elle told me - in fact she told everyone in our private supportive Community of Growlies - that she had reached a whole new level of understanding with her dog.

I never dreamed that we would have been able to come as far as we have. I am thrilled.  

Bella still has some issues, but the difference is that I understand her issues, and I know what to do to help her and to make things manageable.

Elle had the all-too-common experience of trying various trainers, some of whom made the dog worse, and some who had no clue what to do so they just said “Your dog is untrainable. She’ll never change.”

Perhaps this is what’s happened for you?

So along with many others - maybe you - she was “desperate” when she found me.

Now Elle didn’t just ask for a recipe, and POOF! dog transformed. (Oh that it were so easy!)

No.

She read what I wrote, and she listened to what I said. She acted on it. When things didn’t immediately improve, she persisted. She took her dog’s reactions as information rather than evidence of failure. She worked with that information, and … gradually, very gradually … she reached the stage of calm and acceptance that removes friction and enhances - LOVE.

And it’s not only Elle who has enjoyed this transformation! I am thrilled to get emails every single day from people who have quietly followed what I’ve suggested to them and found it works!

Alexia told us,

I never thought it would be possible - but after 18 months of determination - it's paying off. I'm so glad I didn't give up - although several times have felt like it. The learning and structure of the course and this Community has reassured me I'm doing the right thing and kept going - thank you everyone :) particularly Beverley Courtney.

Emma started a huge thread of praise and thanks in our amazing Community with this thought of hers:

I thought how kind it was that people give so much of their time to this group to help people. So I wanted to thank Beverley for starting this Community and for being so responsive to our questions and concerns. And thank you for the effort that goes into it.

Dawn said “I agree!” She told us she’s so happy there’s a place where she can go to talk with other people who know exactly what it's like living with a growly dog. Then Judy added,

Yes me too. I can't thank Beverley Courtney and this group enough. Your support is priceless x

Support is critically important!

So you can see from this that having a safe place where you can talk about your dog problems (and where it affects this relationship, your own problems too) is SO important in getting the change you desire with your dog!

It’s not about finding methods, techniques, tricks, games . . . (though those will be given to you and are useful). It’s about finding out how to change the way you look at things so you can make the change you so fervently desire!

And yes - it takes work.

More importantly, it takes commitment. Flipping all over the internet in the hope of finding the one last game or pill that will transform your dog for ever . . . is futile! It’s destined for failure.

It really is about understanding just what’s going on, and getting the support you need to change it!

Want to know what you can do?

Head over to this page and add yourself to our waiting list. There’s something brewing that anyone with a reactive dog will NOT want to miss! And Waitlist peeps will get first dibs . . .

Go and put your name down right away and drum your fingers for a week or so till all is revealed. [If your dog likes it, drum your fingers up and down his back when he’s relaxing with you - lots of nice squirming from your dog, and laughter from you!]

Want to get the support and learning you need? Get our free e-course here and get started!

THIS E-COURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

The Daily Dog Walk… Really? Do I Have To?

This article was first published on 4knines.com and is reprinted here with permission

You’re feeling guilty about your dog. You look at him and he gazes back with those patient brown eyes that can see right into your heart. You feel guilty because you’ve been so rushed today that you didn’t fit in a morning walk, and now it’s pouring with rain and you can’t face it. But have another look at those gorgeous brown eyes: what’s your dog trying to tell you?

He’s saying that what he wants is some time with you – some action, yes, to use up his huge store of energy – but mainly it’s time enjoying life with you that he wants.

So don’t fret over missing a walk. Here’s something for you to hang on to:

Dogs do not need to be walked every day.

“You mean I don’t have to walk him every day, whatever the weather?”

That’s right.

And for some dogs – fearful, reactive, or old and creaky – that comes as a great relief!

For help with your reactive, anxious, aggressive, “growly” dog, get our free email course here.

THIS FREE ECOURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy

What’s the walk for?

Imagine you are afraid of spiders. And every day your friend insists on taking you along a spider-strewn walk, your face brushing past bushes draped with webs and wriggly beasties, seeing them scamper across the path in front of you.

Are you going to enjoy those walks?

I think not.

And if you have a dog who reacts to every dog he sees by barking ferociously and lunging towards it – shouting at it to go away – then he’s not going to enjoy that overmuch.

And your shoulders and wrists probably won’t either!

So choose times and places to walk your fearful dog when he has a chance of enjoying the outing, not having a procession of other dogs marching towards him along the road, in other words.

Your old and creaky dog can tell you when he’d like to join you for a slow amble. Pick up the lead and see what he says. If he starts a juddery dance with his stiff old legs, and comes to get the lead put on, then off you go. But if he turns his head away, or stays resolutely on his bed – leave him be. Of course he needs some exercise to stay as well as he can be, and to keep his digestive system moving. But a gentle game in the garden may fit the bill.

Your fearful dog would benefit from some sessions with a force-free trainer who can build his confidence so he doesn’t need to shout with fear at new dogs or people.

Your old dog may appreciate a joint supplement to loosen up those old bones a bit.

My dog is young and active!

Fearful and old dogs are the special cases.

But if your dog is young and active and has energy to burn, then you can exercise his body and his mind in far better ways than tramping along a hard road on a lead.

If you have a garden, however small, you can enjoy a fast and furious game with a ball or frisbee. Both of you will enjoy this, and both of you should be puffing by the end of it!

Your aim is for your dog to be panting with his sides heaving, his eyes sparkling. Your dog doesn’t play ball? Just start a running chase game with him – take turns at chasing and being chased.

Better yet - use his brain as well as his body.

Thinking – as we all know too well! – can be more tiring than doing. So see what rainy day fun you can have indoors.

Scent Games and Brain Games are great for this

• Find the Lady

  using upturned beakers with a treat beneath one of them, for instance.

• Hide and Seek

You can hide a favourite toy, one of the children, or yourself! Hiding may just involve rolling someone up in a duvet and letting your dog dig them out (protect faces from scraping claws). Or the family could scatter and hide under beds or in cupboards. This was always a favourite game with my children!

• Practicing your superfast recall

Inject excitement into this game to get your dog’s speed up, calling him from one end of the house to the other – for a game or a treat.

• Teach your dog to tidy up!

Show him how to put his toys back in his basket, or pick up his empty food bowl and pass it to you (for another treat to be dropped into it, of course!). He could even put it on the shelf in the cupboard, if it’s at the right height for him.

• Have him fetch the mail,

or bring his lead when you’re going out, act as an alarm clock for the teenagers by leaping onto their beds and snuffling their sleeping faces!

These games are all so much more fun than clomping around a cold dark street!

Yes, your dog does need to go out and see and experience the world, and run free over field or beach.

He just doesn’t have to do it every day

Lots more ideas here to help with your charming but growly dog with our free email course here.

THIS FREE ECOURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
Privacy Policy