Are you able to look after a dog?

So exciting, getting a puppy!

But also - especially if this is your first venture into having a companion dog - fraught with hazards!

In my efforts to make the transition from “new dog” to “family dog” as smooth as possible, I have provided you with many, many resources.

There are over 300 articles here, and most important of these are the three-part series on Choosing a Puppy. Start here.

There’s New Puppy!  - a handbook to get you through the first few months.

And there are various free and premium courses

Total mindset change

But the most important thing in preparing for your new puppy or new dog, is the total mindset change you’re going to need to make!

As any new first-time parent will tell you, the whole thing is mind-bending and requires a huge change in your lifestyle.

You have no idea of the effect this new baby will have on your life - till it happens!

This applies to four-footed family members too . . .

Resentment of the invasion?

It’s not uncommon for me to receive complaints from people who’ve just got a new puppy, and can’t understand why they can’t carry on their life exactly as before.

Maybe they think they’re getting a stuffed dog, or a bicycle, or something. Not a living, sentient, being - who has hopes and fears, feelings and sensations, needs and desires.

So seeing the puppy blamed for its distress and the new owner’s lack of sleep is upsetting for me.

Would they blame a baby for crying and disrupting their sleep? Of course not! They’d try to find out what’s wrong and put it right.

Some of these entitled people even re-home their unfortunate pups after only a few days. They seem to think their comfort is far more important than caring for this little creature they have chosen to bring into their home.

Perhaps it shows that they bought their puppy or dog on a whim, with no thought about whether they were suited to have a dog living with them for the next 12-15 years.

You should be prepared for total disruption to your life!

It also tells me that the person who sold them the puppy or dog was simply trying to shovel off excess animals with no care of where they went. This is all too common, I’m sorry to say, with those “greeders” who are just in it for a fast buck.

It’s no good taking five days off work and thinking that will do the trick for your new puppy.

And if you work full-time away from home, how are you going to manage a creature who cannot be left for more than four hours? If you’re relying on a family member to mind your dog while you’re out - for free - I can assure you that such arrangements frequently break down when the person involved realises what a huge commitment this is and that they’re being used.

Is it about you, or about the dog?

If you think your sleep is more important than your puppy’s wellbeing, think again.

And if you think that scamping on food - buying the cheapest and feeding as little as possible - is the way to go: oh oh oh. I hardly know where to begin.

I have had people tell me they feed two meals a day - to an 8 week old puppy! Even giant breed puppies! Then they wonder why the poor starving creature is crying all night.

If you fit this category, I question the breeder of the dog.

A good breeder is concerned about the wellbeing of her pups, so anyone who gets a puppy while being out of the house ten hours a day has clearly gone to a puppy farm.

I had to complete a detailed questionnaire and write an essay before I could be considered for my latest puppy!

This is NORMAL.

A good breeder devotes months of her life to rearing her precious pups. She’s not going to let them go to any-old-body who has no understanding of how to manage them.

Would local authorities hand over a child for adoption without in-depth investigation? One would hope not!

Start the right way!

So start the right way. Read this article and kick off by making some choices about who you want to share your life with. Then do some serious research into where you can source your chosen dog.

The right breeder will be keen to help you learn what you need, to have a great start with your pup.

And a reputable shelter will not want to make a mistake with one of their charges, and find it bounces back for further re-homing.

Starting an adventure with a new dog is a thrilling experience! And just like how the excitement and anticipation of planning a holiday is often as good as the holiday itself, so a preparation period while you learn and research is so important to the success of this new relationship.

Please avail of the many resources available to you, dismiss fanciful notions and deal with facts.

Here’s that Puppy Book for you: 

Are you limiting your dog (and yourself!)?

I was meeting up with a friend recently and met his wife. “And how are you keeping?” says I. “Getting older,” she replied. 

And, I’m sorry to say, this theme was revisited time and again during my visit. Everything was framed as what she couldn’t do because of her age. Sadly, I think that joining a group of older people - who seem to be preoccupied with their health and what they are unable to do - had emphasised her feelings of gloom and despondency.

But you know me! I was not long about filling her mind with more positive thoughts, ways to move forward, make exciting plans, realise what she could do with her life with what she already had.

And she was a very different person when I left, thanking me for what I’d done for her, already full of ideas and making plans for her next project.

Why am I telling you this?

It’s about LABELS.

You may know that I have a bee in my bonnet about how people label themselves, their family and friends, and their dog!

Here are a couple of posts on the subject:

Hooray for change for your dog! Discard the old labels

Labelling your dog and yourself

Labels are limiting!

The thing is, applying a label to something is so limiting. It means it can never be anything else.

This is fine if it’s a table, or a car, that you’re labelling.

But when it comes to sentient beings, creatures interacting with each other, creatures who are growing and developing (or should be!), it is totally inappropriate.

Saying “I’m too old,” is going to prevent you from doing all the things you’re well able to do.

Things that will make your mark on the world, help society, move the world forward.

And saying, “My dog is … stubborn/stupid/untrainable/a rescue” is preventing you seeing your dog as a creature capable of huge learning and growth!

Blanket statements

Making blanket statements tends to be limiting.

“I’m no good at …”

“He always …”

“My dog never …”

We hear these all the time, and it’s equivalent to throwing out the anchor and parking yourself exactly where you are.

No possibility of change!

Replacement thoughts

How about replacing these thoughts in your mind with more enlightening ones:

“I’m open to trying new things.”

“I’d love my dog to … walk nicely on lead/retrieve/calm down ..”

“I have plenty of time left to me - I’m going to …”

“The only constant is change.” Heraclitus

And as Maria Popova says so well,

“A person is not a potted plant of predetermined personality but a garden abloom with the consequences of chance and choice that have made them who they are, resting upon an immense seed vault of dormant potentialities. At any given moment, any seed can sprout — whether by conscious cultivation or the tectonic tilling of some great upheaval or the composting of old habits and patterns of behavior that fertilize a new way of being. Nothing saves us from the tragedy of ossifying more surely than a devotion to regularly turning over the soil of personhood so that new expressions of the soul can come abloom.”

https://www.themarginalian.org/2024/05/15/gardner-self-renewal-meaning/

Budget mentality

Folk sometimes get stuck in limiting themselves to what they think they can afford.

Oh, what a bad road to go down!

You are only limited by your imagination.

If you decide you are going to do anything at all - move house, write a book, start a project - the last thing you should worry about is your budget.

If you leave that out of your calculations entirely, opportunities will present themselves which you would never have seen if you were focussing on what you could afford.

And - here’s the exciting part! These opportunities can bring rewards you could never have expected. Results that far outweigh any investment you made.

Students in the Brilliant Family Dog Academy, for instance, tell me they enrolled in the program because their dog was difficult, or pulling on the lead, or whatever, and what they discovered is a new way of being with their formerly challenging dog that has opened up a new life for both of them.

Here’s what Carol R had to say:

“We have both come a long way, and it is no exaggeration when I say she is a transformed dog 😊. Although we have now worked our way through the whole of the course, we are continually going back to work again through modules, and dipping into Beverley’s books as and when we need to. Our learning will be ongoing for life, but we don’t mind, we are really enjoying it. I’ve found it’s really strengthened our bond, and most of all, it’s fun!!“

We’re exactly halfway through the year - tell me in the comments what you’re going to do with the second half!

My dog is afraid of the car: 10 steps for change!

Why is my dog afraid of the car?

This is a tough one! You’re dying to take your dog out on lovely walks with the family - and she quakes and quivers at the sight of the car.

This is usually only found in rehomed dogs who have had a bad experience in a vehicle. But it can happen also with the family dog who used to enjoy car journeys till there was a motor accident.

The most carefully-nurtured puppy may be afraid of the car because it means carsickness. Some pups are carsick, some never are. Travel your puppy in the front seat of the car - between the wheels - where there is less movement, take corners slowly, and have a bucket ready. You can strap in his crate with the seatbelt. This phase will gradually pass.

If your dog’s reaction is extreme, with shaking, scrabbling to get away, drooling, and evident misery, you may need to talk to your vet about a mild sedative to calm the dog enough to start on a protocol to readjust her attitude to the car.

There are some very good herbal remedies which do not require a prescription which may help - they are often marketed as a calmer for firework nights.

The last thing to do is try to force the dog into the car!

This will only increase the fear and anxiety. What you can do is slowly and gradually change her view of the car as somewhere safe and pleasant to be.

Jet the young black Labrador had to be lifted into the car as he was fearful of getting in by himself. I suggested to his owners that they shut the garden gates, prepare his food as usual, walk out to the car, open the boot and place the bowl in the car as far back as possible from the edge. Then leave the dog to figure out how to get this food all by himself.

I hinted it could take a few days.

Next morning they reported back to me: they’d placed the food in the car, and started to walk away only to hear Jet leaping into the back of the car and scarfing down his dinner! One happy owner.

Here are 10 steps to change your dog’s approach to the car

1. For some dogs, it’s the vibration and noise of the car engine that is the problem. So take your dog out to the car, sit in the car yourself without the engine running, leave ALL the doors open, and toss top-class treats (sausage, raw steak) to her outside the car. Let her decide when she’d like to get closer to you. She can climb in beside you if she likes, have some more food, then you can both get out and leave it for the day.

2. Repeat this a few times and your dog will be keen to get in with you. Once you’ve achieved that stage, you can start to close the doors for a moment, then get out.

3. If your dog loves playing fetch, a great game of tossing her favourite toy into the back of the car, or right through it (all doors open) can work wonders.

4. Next step is, with doors and windows closed, turn the engine on for a short while, ensuring the exhaust isn’t blowing back into the vehicle. Do NOT drive the car! But keep up the flow of treats. These steps will take as long as they take. Don’t be in a hurry to push forward till your dog is really happy about the previous step.

5. After a few times doing this step, you may notice that your dog is calmer and exhibiting less anxiety (tension in face and ears, wide darting eyes, paddling the feet, etc). Now you can actually roll the car forward or back a little way, and that’s it for the day.

6. When you first pull out of your drive and actually move along the road, make it a very short journey ending in something spectacular - a run in the park, a visit to granny, or just straight back home for a great game.

7. Another thing that can help: ensure that there is a door or window open when you shut the boot. The shockwave from the boot-slam can be very distressing for a dog. Sit in the car yourself with doors and windows closed while someone else slams the boot shut and you’ll see what I mean.

8. For some dogs, travelling in a cage they can’t see out of is very effective. It could be to do with carsickness, fear of cars approaching behind your car, or just that they want to bark at everything that moves as they pass.

9. If your dog is happy in the car but hesitant to get in, you may need a vet check to rule out a physical issue. It can be an advanced warning of hip trouble. Meanwhile, a ramp or sturdy step can help.

10. And never let your dog - especially a young dog - jump out of the car onto a hard surface (road, dry or frozen ground)! This can seriously damage his shoulders.

Barking in the car can be completely solved by either covering the crate or using blackout material to cover the inside of the windows. Never was there an easier solution to a common and aggravating problem!

Experiment and see what works for your dog. And once you’ve worked out how to get him into the car, check out this post to find the best way to keep secure.

Now you can head off on some of those great country walks!

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My dog gets to enjoy the coffee shop too!

My dog gets to enjoy the coffee shop too!

I am sitting in the window of our local busy coffee shop, in a comfortable armchair, my coffee on the table beside me. Just inside the full-length window, by my feet, lies Lacy on her mat.

We can both relax after our morning outing - me in my armchair, she on her mat watching the world go by without barking at it.

She’s polished off the liver sausage foodtoy I prepared for her. She’s done a couple of tricks for a fingertip of cream from my coffee. She’s watched comings and goings and is now dozing on the mat, her chin resting on my foot.

She’s popular with the staff who are always pleased to see her. It’s a pleasant way for both of us to unwind after our morning’s work.

You may think this is all fairly unremarkable, but you should know that Lacy started out as a very reactive dog - she would get stressed and barky and appear ferocious at any approach, of dogs or people.

Already got a Growly Dog? A reactive, shy, aggressive dog? Watch our free Masterclass and learn new strategies to change your lives for the better!

So getting her to genuinely relax in a public place is an achievement of which I am proud and which we can both enjoy. A lot of what I teach here at Brilliant Family Dog is geared to growing your puppy’s or dog’s confidence and ability to relax. You can train all the sits in the world, but it’s no good if your dog is panting and gasping and pinging off the walls!

Horses for courses

Many dogs are sufficiently “wired” that they need help to learn this skill - especially with the growing popularity of placing working dogs in pet homes. This is a kind of square-peg/round-hole combo which needs careful management to succeed and not drive everyone - owner and dog - barmy.

Lacy has also gone through all the training I do in my premium programs - naturally, it’s one of the perks of being the boss’s dog! And the results have been as spectacular for her as for so many of my students. “I can’t believe how much our life has changed,” is a common cry after even the first Growly Dog lesson.

An awful lot of this has to do with how we act ourselves, and with our expectations: What you expect, you get! Gaining insight into why your dog does what she does is the way to make changes to accommodate her needs with minimum disruption to your daily life. And that’s the focus of the choice-based training I teach.

It’s a question of growing your confidence so you know what to do in any situation. Being able to settle your dog in a public place and flip her off-switch is a valuable skill.

Here’s a great way to get started with this skill

Calm Down! Step-by-Step to a Calm, Relaxed, and Brilliant Family Dog - in ebook, paperback, or audiobook - will help you to locate this hidden switch!

Don’t go without our free e-course to change life with your Growly Dog!

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Your dog and Christmas visitors

Christmas is coming!

And your house will be filled with fun and laughter …

You’re expecting friends, family, children, grandchildren, which is all delightful and lovely - but your dog has never really met any children. And he’s alarmed by strange men in the house.

Christmas is a time of upheaval for dogs.

• Upheaval = stress

• Stress for your dog = stress for you, and for your guests!

So what can you do to minimise the stress? 

Preparation is key!

It’s getting a bit late for a major counterconditioning program, but there are things that can help the holiday season run smoothly.

If a baby will be on the guest list, get a blanket the baby has been sleeping in (and doing everything else in!) and leave it lying around for your dog to sniff for a while before the arrival. She'll gradually get used to the strange baby smells and it won’t be such a shock when the real thing (attached to a protective mother) arrives.

You can also use audio of babies crying on Youtube, gradually raising the sound level as your dog grows accustomed to it. Baby programmes on tv will also be helpful to watch with your dog and a stash of tasty treats. See this post about animals on tv, to guide you.

The most important thing is always to have a bolthole so your dog can choose to escape. If she can’t cope with the noise and hubbub, get her out of the way where she can continue her usual routine of sleeping for most of the day.

If you haven’t already got a cosy nest, make one now, and start using it STRAIGHT AWAY! Consider soft lighting, half-covering the crate, soft music (classical, like Mozart, is best - but you can also find stuff on Youtube). The music will not only soothe and calm your dog, but also muffle some of the sounds of the household.

If children are visiting, ensure the dog room is locked and you have the key! It only takes a moment for a curious, over-excited child to open the door, and there could be bad and sad consequences . . .

But here’s the best trick of all

Have ONE person responsible for the dog at all times, and when you need to, pass the con to someone specific for a specific length of time. And know when they’re going to hand responsibility back to you. You never want to hear “But I thought YOU were looking after the dog . . .”

If your dog is really uncomfortable with strangers, he doesn’t have to meet them at all. No, really - he doesn’t!

Though an on-lead - and muzzled if necessary - drive-through of the living room when the party has died down a bit, may help.

Meeting outside can be a very effective strategy - on a walk up and down the road outside your house. You can be close enough to chat to your guest without being so near that your dog gets agitated and barky.

Do NOT ask others to feed him. This is very conflicting.

If he wants to greet - or even look at - a visitor, you feed him.

Get in a stash of hooves, pigs’ ears, marrowbones, kongs, liver pate, peanut butter (xylitol-free), squeezy cheese - whatever your dog enjoys (not rawhide chews, which can be dangerous). Have them on hand so he can chew himself to sleep in his cosy den.

And please - NO cutesy photos of dogs and children. In most of the photos we see on the internet, the dog is actually very worried and the child is within an ace of being bitten or snapped at. See this image here, of a very alarmed dog who is trapped between child and chair. His mouth is already parting in a grumble. The adult nearby seems unaware . . .

It doesn’t have to be like this! This is what Sue had to say, after completing a Puppy Course with me:

The grandchildren can now come in and wander around and even eat a biscuit on the sofa and Jasper doesn’t bother them. He acts calmly around them now and has even stopped barking and growling at children we see when we are out and about! Massive improvements all round. Life is just wonderful! My dream dog!

Got a jumpy puppy?

It won’t do your puppy any good to get so excited he can’t control himself - or his bladder! This is another good candidate for meeting guests outside, so leaks won’t matter.

As to jumping up, if your pup is small enough you can carry him, if not, have him on lead so you can manage the greeting carefully. Encourage children to get down to puppy level to interact briefly (no rolling about on the floor please!) so the pup has no need to jump up.

But you really do need to practice this when people aren’t as high as kites, or “tired and emotional”!

Your puppy already needs 17 hours of sleep a day. Deprive him of any of that, and he can get overwrought and nippy. It can all end in tears! You must always have an adult actively supervising when the puppy is with the children.

So make sure you keep to his usual timetable of meals and sleeps, and use that hidden-away cosy den so he can really switch off.

Protect your dog from over-excited children and drunken guests!

He only has you to look out for him.

Be sure to honour his trust.

WANT THIS KIND OF SUCCESS FOR YOURSELF?

Watch our free Workshop right now and start on your lessons straight away!

Brilliant Family Dog - leading the way for reactive dogs

You’re here because you’re looking for answers for your reactive, anxious, aggressive, hyper - Growly! - dog, am I right?

✅ You are in absolutely THE RIGHT PLACE for authentic help. For force-free help. For help in making lasting change.

❌ You’re in THE WRONG PLACE if you’re looking for a quick fix, if you think that your dog is to blame, if you think a gadget or medical intervention will solve everything, without you having to bother.

I need this in a hurry!

These days we are all in a hurry all the time! We want everything now, or better yet - yesterday. And we don’t want to have to work for it! “Just drop it in my lap, please,” we are taught to expect.

It comes as a genuine shock to some folk that their life will not change by “fixing what’s wrong with the dog”.

That’s why it’s no use handing your problem dog over to a trainer to do the work for you! It’s what’s happening in your home, between you and your dog, that needs fixing. It’s not the dog - it’s both of you!

Want to get the support and learning you need? Get our free e-course here and get started!

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People are forever asking me,  

• “How do I stop my dog doing xyz?”

• “How can I control my dog?”

• “What’s the quickest way to get my dog to …. ?”

• And the perplexing “Why doesn’t my dog know …. ?”

“Errr, because you haven’t taught him?” would be the quick answer to that last one!

But this all presupposes that there’s some recipe to follow, which the questioner just hasn’t found yet.

People come to my Workshops expecting to be told, “Do this, then do that, and your dog will comply.” But they find that I don’t do that!

Instead they are asked searching questions about their relationship with their dog, and discover that changing their life with their dog requires them to change what they’re doing with their dog, AND who they’re being with their dog.

Of course, some say, “Where are the instructions? How can I fix my dog-problems if you don’t give me the answers?” And they leave, looking for someone else to do the work for them.

Those who stay, who tussle with those difficult questions, are the ones who actually transform their lives with their once-difficult dog. Now, I’m not saying their dog is now perfect! Any more than my dogs are perfect, or I’m perfect!

What I’m saying is that these enlightened owners come to a higher level of understanding which means they can enjoy a new life with their dog whether or not their dog changes. (But they usually do change, dramatically.)

Change will come - but in its own time

Elle told me - in fact she told everyone in our private supportive Community of Growlies - that she had reached a whole new level of understanding with her dog.

I never dreamed that we would have been able to come as far as we have. I am thrilled.  

Bella still has some issues, but the difference is that I understand her issues, and I know what to do to help her and to make things manageable.

Elle had the all-too-common experience of trying various trainers, some of whom made the dog worse, and some who had no clue what to do so they just said “Your dog is untrainable. She’ll never change.”

Perhaps this is what’s happened for you?

So along with many others - maybe you - she was “desperate” when she found me.

Now Elle didn’t just ask for a recipe, and POOF! dog transformed. (Oh that it were so easy!)

No.

She read what I wrote, and she listened to what I said. She acted on it. When things didn’t immediately improve, she persisted. She took her dog’s reactions as information rather than evidence of failure. She worked with that information, and … gradually, very gradually … she reached the stage of calm and acceptance that removes friction and enhances - LOVE.

And it’s not only Elle who has enjoyed this transformation! I am thrilled to get emails every single day from people who have quietly followed what I’ve suggested to them and found it works!

Alexia told us,

I never thought it would be possible - but after 18 months of determination - it's paying off. I'm so glad I didn't give up - although several times have felt like it. The learning and structure of the course and this Community has reassured me I'm doing the right thing and kept going - thank you everyone :) particularly Beverley Courtney.

Emma started a huge thread of praise and thanks in our amazing Community with this thought of hers:

I thought how kind it was that people give so much of their time to this group to help people. So I wanted to thank Beverley for starting this Community and for being so responsive to our questions and concerns. And thank you for the effort that goes into it.

Dawn said “I agree!” She told us she’s so happy there’s a place where she can go to talk with other people who know exactly what it's like living with a growly dog. Then Judy added,

Yes me too. I can't thank Beverley Courtney and this group enough. Your support is priceless x

Support is critically important!

So you can see from this that having a safe place where you can talk about your dog problems (and where it affects this relationship, your own problems too) is SO important in getting the change you desire with your dog!

It’s not about finding methods, techniques, tricks, games . . . (though those will be given to you and are useful). It’s about finding out how to change the way you look at things so you can make the change you so fervently desire!

And yes - it takes work.

More importantly, it takes commitment. Flipping all over the internet in the hope of finding the one last game or pill that will transform your dog for ever . . . is futile! It’s destined for failure.

It really is about understanding just what’s going on, and getting the support you need to change it!

Want to know what you can do?

Head over to this page and add yourself to our waiting list. There’s something brewing that anyone with a reactive dog will NOT want to miss! And Waitlist peeps will get first dibs . . .

Go and put your name down right away and drum your fingers for a week or so till all is revealed. [If your dog likes it, drum your fingers up and down his back when he’s relaxing with you - lots of nice squirming from your dog, and laughter from you!]

Want to get the support and learning you need? Get our free e-course here and get started!

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