Are you limiting your dog (and yourself!)?

I was meeting up with a friend recently and met his wife. “And how are you keeping?” says I. “Getting older,” she replied. 

And, I’m sorry to say, this theme was revisited time and again during my visit. Everything was framed as what she couldn’t do because of her age. Sadly, I think that joining a group of older people - who seem to be preoccupied with their health and what they are unable to do - had emphasised her feelings of gloom and despondency.

But you know me! I was not long about filling her mind with more positive thoughts, ways to move forward, make exciting plans, realise what she could do with her life with what she already had.

And she was a very different person when I left, thanking me for what I’d done for her, already full of ideas and making plans for her next project.

Why am I telling you this?

It’s about LABELS.

You may know that I have a bee in my bonnet about how people label themselves, their family and friends, and their dog!

Here are a couple of posts on the subject:

Hooray for change for your dog! Discard the old labels

Labelling your dog and yourself

Labels are limiting!

The thing is, applying a label to something is so limiting. It means it can never be anything else.

This is fine if it’s a table, or a car, that you’re labelling.

But when it comes to sentient beings, creatures interacting with each other, creatures who are growing and developing (or should be!), it is totally inappropriate.

Saying “I’m too old,” is going to prevent you from doing all the things you’re well able to do.

Things that will make your mark on the world, help society, move the world forward.

And saying, “My dog is … stubborn/stupid/untrainable/a rescue” is preventing you seeing your dog as a creature capable of huge learning and growth!

Blanket statements

Making blanket statements tends to be limiting.

“I’m no good at …”

“He always …”

“My dog never …”

We hear these all the time, and it’s equivalent to throwing out the anchor and parking yourself exactly where you are.

No possibility of change!

Replacement thoughts

How about replacing these thoughts in your mind with more enlightening ones:

“I’m open to trying new things.”

“I’d love my dog to … walk nicely on lead/retrieve/calm down ..”

“I have plenty of time left to me - I’m going to …”

“The only constant is change.” Heraclitus

And as Maria Popova says so well,

“A person is not a potted plant of predetermined personality but a garden abloom with the consequences of chance and choice that have made them who they are, resting upon an immense seed vault of dormant potentialities. At any given moment, any seed can sprout — whether by conscious cultivation or the tectonic tilling of some great upheaval or the composting of old habits and patterns of behavior that fertilize a new way of being. Nothing saves us from the tragedy of ossifying more surely than a devotion to regularly turning over the soil of personhood so that new expressions of the soul can come abloom.”

https://www.themarginalian.org/2024/05/15/gardner-self-renewal-meaning/

Budget mentality

Folk sometimes get stuck in limiting themselves to what they think they can afford.

Oh, what a bad road to go down!

You are only limited by your imagination.

If you decide you are going to do anything at all - move house, write a book, start a project - the last thing you should worry about is your budget.

If you leave that out of your calculations entirely, opportunities will present themselves which you would never have seen if you were focussing on what you could afford.

And - here’s the exciting part! These opportunities can bring rewards you could never have expected. Results that far outweigh any investment you made.

Students in the Brilliant Family Dog Academy, for instance, tell me they enrolled in the program because their dog was difficult, or pulling on the lead, or whatever, and what they discovered is a new way of being with their formerly challenging dog that has opened up a new life for both of them.

Here’s what Carol R had to say:

“We have both come a long way, and it is no exaggeration when I say she is a transformed dog 😊. Although we have now worked our way through the whole of the course, we are continually going back to work again through modules, and dipping into Beverley’s books as and when we need to. Our learning will be ongoing for life, but we don’t mind, we are really enjoying it. I’ve found it’s really strengthened our bond, and most of all, it’s fun!!“

We’re exactly halfway through the year - tell me in the comments what you’re going to do with the second half!

Harness your dog's imagination!

Here at Brilliant Family Dog we hear so often about the woeful things dogs have got up to.

It’s all about the dreadful things they’ve dreamed up and the bad things they’ve done. They’ve chewed things up, they’ve managed to escape, they’ve re-arranged your flowerbeds …

Perversely, I’m pleased to hear these stories.

Why?

Because it shows that the dog is exercising his imagination!

In the absence of being given interesting things to do, he’s making up his own entertainment.

This shows that he is resourceful, enterprising, thoughtful, and eminently teachable!

What can I teach him to do instead?

Let’s have a look at a really simple, basic, but highly amusing “toy”: a cardboard box. Get one big enough for your dog to clamber into - at least get his front paws in. Check it over for sharp staples.

Now let’s see what he can do with it! Some of this will need your input, some you can happily let your dog discover.

• front paws in

• front paws on

• all paws in

• all paws on

• whole body in (box collapsed yet?)

• find hidden toys in it

• find toy amongst masses of screwed-up paper

• find toy amongst loads of empty plastic bottles, or smaller boxes

• hide food in cardboard tubes or small boxes - to be found and shredded

• put toy in

• take toy out

• hide a toy in a smaller box

• put smaller box into large box

• crawl through a cut-out “door”

• teach scent by hiding something in one of many boxes

• push it

• curl up in it

• drag it

• chew it up . . .

For your older, bored, dog, this is going to be heaven!

For your young puppy it’s an essential stage of getting her used to strange surfaces, wobbly things, things that slip and slide, noisy things, crunchy things, rattly things. I call this Puppy Gym and it’s a vital part of my puppy classes and the Brilliant Family Dog Academy

Some older dogs, especially those who’ve been used to being told what to do, will be perplexed by this box. You’ll need to spice it up a bit to pique their interest - perhaps toss a few treats in to get them interacting with it.  

And please don’t worry about mess! Mess is a by-product of living, and this is going to be a controlled mess, of your choosing.

Isn’t that far better than the mess you find when your bored dog entertains himself by chewing your computer cables, or loving your slippers to death?

Let me know in the comments how you got on with this possibly new game!

And for more fun for your dog, get our free email course here

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How can I get my dog to Listen?

This is the single most frequent request I get from readers: “How can I get my dog to listen?”

Sometimes it arrives in the form of “My dog doesn’t listen to me,” “He never listens,” “You’d think he was deaf!” and so on.

But in every case it’s the owner complaining about her dog’s fault.

How about turning that around????

How about looking at what you’re doing first, then look at what your dog is or isn’t doing in response?

You actually have to teach them first!

I find that folk arrive with me, complaining that their dog doesn’t listen, then they’re surprised when I ask them how they have taught their dog to listen.

They haven’t, of course. They expect the dog to arrive with Listening-to-Owner installed. They don’t realise they have to make it worth their dog’s while to listen to them - every time!

We spend a lot of time with our friends, family, even a prospective spouse, teaching them how to listen. We all want to be heard. And there are different levels of listening. We want the very best!

Your dog is the same! He needs to learn that listening to you is good, listening to you is worth his while, listening to you always results in good things.

And there’s a very real danger that if you don’t teach him what you like, then he’ll teach you what he likes!

In every relationship, one person is shaping the other. Sometimes it gets horribly one-sided, like in an oppressive marriage, or an unequal friendship. But that isn’t necessary. A little careful groundwork can start a relationship off right. True choice in a relationship comes when both parties can express themselves fully..

And that’s what we want with our dogs too.

We want a companion dog who enjoys our company, chooses to hang out with us, is alert to our needs, and eager to please. Note that this doesn’t imply slavery, grovelling, or self-abasement! We want an honest relationship with our dog, the same as with everyone else.

I know the frustration your dog’s apparent ignoring can cause - when you do your best to do what you’ve been told in training your dog - only to find it doesn’t work. It causes the opposite of what you want! Antagonism, distrust, loss of love.

There is a better way. A way which works.

And, importantly, a way which does not involve any force, coercion, or intimidation. The same way as you choose to treat your family and friends.

I love my dog, but he just doesn’t listen!

Would this be you? Have you got a dog who simply doesn’t listen to you? Well, you’re in luck! I’ve just made a new training workshop with exactly you in mind!

You can find it here - it’s free, by the way, as is so much that I give you.

Why do I give so much away for nothing? Some suspicious people even say “What’s the catch?”!

Well, there are two reasons:

1. I am passionate about changing the lives of dogs, and this means changing how their owners are with them. Getting these folk to dip their toe in the water of Choice Training is a great start!

and

2. I know that a number of those people I help will want more - they’ll want to work with me in person, through one of my programs. Hooray! Now I get to help them in depth! That’s the fullest expression of my passion to help dogs be understood.

Understanding leads to harmony.

As Carol, one of those students, put it just recently,

“I’m amazed at how much me and my dog have changed, and what we’ve now become. A proper team.”

Don’t lose another minute!

Register for this free Workshop here and get stuck in! You’ll come away with solid strategies you can put into practice TODAY, to change things in your life with your dog, remove that conflict and frustration, and build an unbreakable bond.

Start the change with your puppy or dog with our free Workshop packed with ideas and strategies -

all force-free!

My dog gets to enjoy the coffee shop too!

My dog gets to enjoy the coffee shop too!

I am sitting in the window of our local busy coffee shop, in a comfortable armchair, my coffee on the table beside me. Just inside the full-length window, by my feet, lies Lacy on her mat.

We can both relax after our morning outing - me in my armchair, she on her mat watching the world go by without barking at it.

She’s polished off the liver sausage foodtoy I prepared for her. She’s done a couple of tricks for a fingertip of cream from my coffee. She’s watched comings and goings and is now dozing on the mat, her chin resting on my foot.

She’s popular with the staff who are always pleased to see her. It’s a pleasant way for both of us to unwind after our morning’s work.

You may think this is all fairly unremarkable, but you should know that Lacy started out as a very reactive dog - she would get stressed and barky and appear ferocious at any approach, of dogs or people.

Already got a Growly Dog? A reactive, shy, aggressive dog? Watch our free Masterclass and learn new strategies to change your lives for the better!

So getting her to genuinely relax in a public place is an achievement of which I am proud and which we can both enjoy. A lot of what I teach here at Brilliant Family Dog is geared to growing your puppy’s or dog’s confidence and ability to relax. You can train all the sits in the world, but it’s no good if your dog is panting and gasping and pinging off the walls!

Horses for courses

Many dogs are sufficiently “wired” that they need help to learn this skill - especially with the growing popularity of placing working dogs in pet homes. This is a kind of square-peg/round-hole combo which needs careful management to succeed and not drive everyone - owner and dog - barmy.

Lacy has also gone through all the training I do in my premium programs - naturally, it’s one of the perks of being the boss’s dog! And the results have been as spectacular for her as for so many of my students. “I can’t believe how much our life has changed,” is a common cry after even the first Growly Dog lesson.

An awful lot of this has to do with how we act ourselves, and with our expectations: What you expect, you get! Gaining insight into why your dog does what she does is the way to make changes to accommodate her needs with minimum disruption to your daily life. And that’s the focus of the choice-based training I teach.

It’s a question of growing your confidence so you know what to do in any situation. Being able to settle your dog in a public place and flip her off-switch is a valuable skill.

Here’s a great way to get started with this skill

Calm Down! Step-by-Step to a Calm, Relaxed, and Brilliant Family Dog - in ebook, paperback, or audiobook - will help you to locate this hidden switch!

Don’t go without our free e-course to change life with your Growly Dog!

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I’m right, so my dog is wrong

“I want x. My dog wants y. Therefore my dog is wrong.”

Stubborn, headstrong, wilful, disobedient, difficult, challenging, pain in the ****, you name it - the dog gets called it.

And it all adds up to WRONG.

But hang on a minute! Who made these rules? That if you want x, x is therefore right, and your dog should comply.

Just because you want something, does this make it the right thing to do? Does it make you right?

Look at it from your dog’s point of view

Dog or Puppy problems? Get your free 8-lesson email course and solve them all painlessly!

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You may be asking him to do something that seems straightforward to you. But your dog is not doing it. Why?

• Maybe he didn’t hear you

• Maybe he heard you but didn’t understand

• Maybe you haven’t yet taught him

• Maybe he’d love to do it but is unable to do so at the moment

• Maybe he doesn’t think it’s worth doing

What we need to do is look at your dog and run through these questions to find out why he’s not obliging. Only then can we see a way forward to change.

Let’s take a look

The first three reasons are fairly self-explanatory. And in no case is your dog wrong.

The last two bear closer scrutiny.

“He’d love to do it but is unable to do so at the moment.”

He’d love to sit when you ask, but there’s someone at the door who has to be seen off, or greeted ecstatically (depending on your dog). What you have here is a lack of training round what you want your dog to do at the door. It’s not about not-sitting! This links back to the third reason - you haven’t taught him yet.

He’d love to do what you ask, but there’s a dog over there staring at him. This is either terrifying him or exciting him (depending on your dog) and he cannot possibly focus on what you’re saying. Teaching him how to manage other dogs in the vicinity will give him a “recipe” to follow. Back to the third reason again!

He’d love to sit when you ask, but he’s a sighthound with an almost bare bottom, and the ground is cold and muddy. The best you’ll get is a bit of shuffling and a grudging stoop. Why spoil your nice snappy sit for the sake of being right?

“Maybe he doesn’t think it’s worth doing”

And here we get to the nitty-gritty.

If someone asks you to do something, you need to have a reason to want to do it.

• Maybe it’s your work and you get paid to do it

• Maybe it’s someone you love who you want to help

• Maybe it’s going to benefit you too

You need a reason!

And so does your dog.

If you expect blind obedience with nothing in it for your dog, the response you want is going to be given more and more grudgingly, less and less accurately, with less enthusiasm, less willingness, less FUN!

There will be endless conflict, endless battles of will, endless frustration.

Why not discard notions of right and wrong, and look instead at building a strong and loving relationship with your dog?

A relationship which has you understanding his needs and desires better, and has him happy to fit in with your reasonable requests, which he understands, has learnt, and is able to do - with pleasure?

As Viktor Frankl, a man who refused to be broken, said,

Between stimulus and response there’s a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Dogs don’t arrive with us with all the operating software installed. We get Dog 1.0. It’s up to us to do all the teaching and shaping to get the companion we want, and perhaps the companion we visualised when we first decided to invite a dog into our home.

It’s all about learning! We learn, and our dog learns. We’re not keeping score! It’s not Owner 10, Dog nil.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Wayne Dyer

A happy partnership will change your expectations (which will be totally unreasonable if you’ve been watching those ghastly tv programs about dogs being wrong). It will give you a far better way to interact with your chosen pet. It will end those senseless battles of will and frustration.

And it will make life so much easier!

Start out with our free e-course here:

Dog or Puppy problems? Get your free 8-lesson email course and solve them all painlessly!

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And let me know how you get on!

A Workshop full of dogs and puppies!

Well, I’m (almost) lost for words! We had thousands and thousands of people who joined our Workshop for a Brilliant Family Dog!

And those who followed closely and put in the work got spectacular results!

• They developed a new relationship with their dog in just seven days!

• They changed a lifetime of doing the wrong things and got a different dog in just a week!

I’m not very good at blowing my own trumpet, so I’ll let them blow theirs!

Well what a week it has been, think I’ve fallen in love with Max all over again!! Living in a busy house he’d become just someone else I had to sort out. With the games I’ve remembered what a wonderful boy he is. Even taught the family and they are getting much better at responding to him in a more positive way. He’s definitely calmer. Still need to work on the noise levels and craziness when people arrive home.. but I now have faith we’ll get there. Thank you Beverley Courtney and team. AJ

I want to thank you for changing our mindset (not the dog’s). CD

Already, after last week's Workshop there is so much improvement and we now have some calm. For the first time since we got Ted we have been able to settle him with a chew and relax for a couple of hours in the evening. He is more relaxed and resting more during the day too and comes up for cuddles now which he never did before.  After working with two behaviourists and attending 3 training courses where I felt humiliated and a complete failure I have spent the last week feeling supported. CH

I was beginning to regret having a puppy and felt so frustrated and stressed that mine was going to be that puppy/dog that was out of control all the time! Thank you so much Beverley and team for this brilliant workshop I can now correct all my mistakes and see what a very clever little man in Stanley I have. We have come so far in just a week. SS

Beverley does this in her own precious time completely FREE. Her love of animals is obvious and to share her wisdom and proven techniques just shows what a truly wonderful and gifted person she is. TA

Aww, that’s enough! My mission is to improve life for dogs. And to do that I have to reach their owners. I am so happy that I have done just this!

You can learn about the Brilliant Family Dog Academy here, in our free Workshop, which is packed with lessons you can put into practice straight away!

What is the Academy? It’s the natural next step for you, when you’ve found out how well what I taught you in the Workshop works!

In the Academy we take you by the hand and paw, and lead you through a carefully-structured plan to teach your dog - finally! - all the things you need for a happy life with your pet.

You’ll see everything on this page here

And the great thing is you get support all the way! I and my team are there encouraging, teaching, answering questions . . . you’re not left alone to sink or swim.

I care about your success.