Do you have a dog, or a “rescue dog”?

There’s so much of what we do with our dogs that is down to us. Often the dog doesn’t have to do a thing - it’s a question of changing our mindset.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

 AND THEN you can change the way you find solutions.

Many of you write to me and introduce your dog as a “rescue dog”. I hear it all the time.

NO!

As soon as that dog comes through your door, he’s YOUR dog! His history - if you have the truth, which is not all that likely - may be useful in unravelling a few of his mysteries.

But what went before is not of much help to us now.

We start from where we are

You have to ask yourself why you refer to your dog as a Rescue Dog?

Is it because of the sympathetic “Ahhh” you get from other people?

Or are you perhaps saying that anything bad he does is not your fault?

Supposing you had an adopted daughter. Would you introduce her as “This is Miranda. She’s adopted.”

NOOOO! Of course you wouldn’t!

You’d say “this is Miranda, she loves swimming.”

If you say “she’s adopted,” you’re abdicating responsibility for how she is.

You’re saying you didn’t have anything to do with her earlier life so you can’t be blamed for her poor behaviour.

Can that be why you maintain that your dog is a rescue dog? Even after all these years? Some of you have had your “rescue dog” for 5 - 8 - 10 years!

The celebrated Veterinary Behaviourist Karen Overall says:

“What we call something matters because it shapes how we think of it.” Karen Overall

 You don’t want to think of your daughter as a changeling for all of her life. And you don’t need to see your dog as a “rescue”, or give him any more labels to explain away his behaviour as something carved in stone. 

What words can I use?

I’ll often suggest a different wording to describe something. This is entirely because I want you to SEE it differently. 

Maybe you call your dog stubborn, or obstinate, or dominant, or just plain difficult?

Every time we pin a label on our dog we are making another judgment.

There are a number of trendy new labels doing the rounds at the moment - which suggest that your dog is fixed in his responses - unchangeable because that’s the way he is. That he’s born with a certain mindset or outlook on life, and is incapable of change.

This is as absurd as thinking Miranda can never grow up to be a fulfilled human being because she had a rocky start.

How many shy children, for example, grow up to become public speakers, or capable professionals?

I mention shy, reactive, anxious, or aggressive dogs. These are all very different! Your dog may be one and not any of the others.

Now it does help to have something to indicate that the dog doesn’t necessarily behave as people expect dogs to.

Growly Dogs (don’t we love ‘em!)

This is why I use the term GROWLY. It describes a symptom rather than a disease.

It describes what the dog is DOING, not what the dog IS.

I’m going to say that again, to be sure that you GET IT: 

It describes what the dog is DOING, not what the dog IS.

It doesn’t ascribe motive or reason - it simply says that growly - uncomfortable - is how this dog may respond.

So I’d like you to take a look at all the labels you attach to your dog. What they are, when you use them, and - most importantly - WHY?

If you truly want to change how things are with your Growly Dog - or any dog, for that matter - you won’t want to stick him in a box, seal it, stamp it, and say “That’s it.”

The way is always open for us to change, and changing our perception is the first step.

For more help with changing your thinking, check out www.beverleycourtney.com/blog/the-winds-will-blow

Want to leave your dog’s history behind and start a new life together? Start with this free Masterclass, and talk to me in the chat. I WILL understand you, and I will respond and help you as best I can.

The past is ancient history

What happened yesterday is as gone as what happened a thousand years ago. Going over and over it won't change it. Today is our only reality.

There’s no “What if”s and “What did he mean by that”? There's only what happened - and that's gone now. Your perception will change as you pore over it and your version of what happened may be very different from someone else's version.

But here's the danger point.

You may ascribe all sorts of reasons and causes:

🧑🏼‍🦰 Did he do that because he doesn't like me?

🧑🏼‍🦰 Did she say that because it's true?

🧑🏼‍🦰 Is it because I'm no good?

🧑🏼‍🦰 Ugly?

🧑🏼‍🦰 Too young?

🧑🏼‍🦰 Too old?

And if it's about your dog:

🐶 Is he doing that on purpose?

🐶 Is he being stubborn?

🐶 Is he defying me?

🐶 Is he scheming against me?

🐶 Does this mean I'm a useless dog owner?

Our minds can run away with us, but it doesn't alter what happened.

We can only operate in the present moment. That's the only time we have.

Our thoughts create our feelings and it doesn't matter if those thoughts are right or wrong, as long as they help you.

Better questions lead to better answers!

So try starting with some better questions:

❓Could I have done anything differently?

❓Did my dog act this way from fear?

❓Does my dog need more help from me and how can I help him more?

Whenever we ask a negative question, we tend to get a negative answer. "Am I a useless owner?" Yes, you must be, since you ask.

So only ask questions which will bring you helpful answers! Then you can be sure your thoughts are helpful ones.

How does all this affect your relationship with your dog? Just the same as your relationship with anyone else!

If you ascribe evil motives to something your dog is doing, then you are naturally going to blame him and think that he lies there in his basket dreaming up new and terrible ways to shame you.

Of course he doesn’t! He's just a dog. He just does.

You know that really?

So don't let your mind run away helter-skelter with a lot of unhelpful nonsense.

Something happened. That's all. And it's up to us what we make of it. If we want to make it a big thing - a drama - then we're going to feel bad, upset, worried. But if we just see it as something that happened, see it as information for us, we can learn from it and move on.

So rather than “I’m a useless dog-owner with a difficult dog who doesn't like me”. how about “Oh, my dog barked at that dog. I will avoid dogs for a few days to give him a break.”

Dwelling in the past is not conducive to moving forward with fresh eyes, fresh ears and new experiences.

I'm on a mission to change the world, one dog at a time. Will your dog be one of them?

If this line of thinking chimes with you, have a look at my other blog at www.beverleycourtney.com/blog - I think it may appeal to you!

THE FRUSTRATION OF THE GROWLY DOG OWNER: IT’S NOT OTHER FOLKS’ FAULT THAT THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND

First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission

“Could he not SEE that my dog was upset?”

“My dog was on lead and under control - it was his dog that was out of control!”

“Why, oh why, do people let their ‘friendly’ dogs invade the space of my fearful, reactive dog, and then blame me for being a useless dog-owner with a nasty dog?”

Anyone who works with Growly Dog owners - owners of shy, anxious, reactive, or aggressive, dogs - is familiar with these cries! 

Yes - it’s so frustrating when you’re doing everything right for your dog: keeping him calm; keeping your distance from things he fears; keeping out of the way of other dogs, or bikes, or people … and another person lets their dog rampage up to your on-lead dog!

At first, you may not be sure whether this is an exuberant, over-friendly, approach - or something more sinister. Is this dog going to attack mine? How can I get away? Oh no!

Your heart is now racing, your dog is now lunging and barking - the whole thing is a sorry mess! And what does the other person do?

Well, usually, nothing. (They have no recall, so they’re not going to follow your plea to “Call your dog please!” and demonstrate how useless they are!)

If you’re lucky you won’t get abused or reviled. But sometimes they can’t stop themselves!

“You ought to control that dog.”

“That dog is nasty - you should muzzle him before he attacks someone.”

“My dog is friendly - it’s your dog that’s the problem.”

And so on, they go.

It’s enough to make you cry. And often that’s exactly what happens. No-one likes their dog to “show them up”, and no-one likes being sneered at, talked down to, or threatened. I absolutely sympathise if this has brought you to tears.

Is there a danger of dog owners dividing into camps of “them” and “us”?

But let’s have a look at what’s going on here.

Many people, and that includes many dog-owners, have no conception that dogs have feelings too. They seem to think that all dogs will get along with each other, and that their dog barging in to play with another dog is totally ok.

Supposing they were having a family picnic. How would they feel if some strange children landed in the middle of it, kicking over the food and drinks, and snatching the bats and balls and playing with them themselves? I don’t think they’d be best pleased, and may well express their feelings to the other children’s parents.

So why do these same people think it’s absolutely ok for their dog to rampage about and approach other dogs uninvited?

I think they simply don’t realise. But some education needs to happen. These same people whose dogs are flying about annoying others could well be pillars of society once they leave the dog park. They could be considerate, allowing diversity of thoughts and opinions, concerned to let children fit in and express themselves as they are. But sadly they don’t afford the same consideration to dogs.

I guess they think that all dogs are the same.

Or that all dogs should be the same.

They don’t understand that gentle, loving, affectionate dogs can be forced to show aggression and panic when confronted by their tearaway.

It’s up to the Growly Dog owner to do his best to protect his dog from unwelcome advances, and it’s up to the “friendly” dog owner to teach his dog some manners and restraint.

So for the Growly Dog owner

1. Keep your distance.

2. Seek out quiet places and times to walk your dog where you’re unlikely to meet other dogs.

3. Give your dog a break from stressful walks - only walk her when you’re confident of a calm time.

4. Understand that it’s not the fault of the other owner if they don’t understand what you’re going through. We often don’t understand something until we go through it ourselves. Maybe they will never understand until they get a shy, anxious, reactive dog themselves - then the light will dawn!

5. Be patient with them when they don’t respond to your cries of “Please put your dog on a lead, my dog is afraid!” You need all your presence of mind to help your dog.

And for the “My dog is friendly” owner

1. Respect the space of other dogs and their owners.

2. If another owner is struggling to restrain his leashed dog while your unleashed dog dances around them - please race in to collect your dog!

3. In fact, when you are approaching a dog on lead, put yours on lead too.

4. Put your phone away and focus on what your dog is doing.

5. Always keep your dog within a few yards of you so that you can practice your recalls.

6. Notice how other dogs behave, and rejoice in the individuality and diversity of our best friends.

Meanwhile, both the boisterous dog and the shy dog could do with a bit of help!

Get your free email course which gives you information and strategies about how to improve walks with your dog - whatever his personality.

Get your first Growly Lesson!

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Do-based training for you and your dog

I was thinking about Don’t-based training in this post a few weeks ago. And on reflection, I thought how much this applies to us as well as to those we interact with - dogs, colleagues, children, partner …

We say DON’T to ourselves every bit as much as we say it to our dogs and possibly our children - and often more!

Time to find a better way!

No blame, no shame

We turn straight to fault-finding, blame - shame! This happens with us as well as with our dogs.

“I’m no good at this,” we cry. “I can never make this work,” “Who, me??”

How often do you find yourself saying this type of thing? Doing yourself down? Why are we so intent on finding fault, beating ourselves up?

Could these feelings of unworthiness have been instilled at an early age, and we accept them as fact?

We’d never speak as harshly to another person - and I hope, our dogs! - as we speak to ourselves.

Imagine your friend saying, “I want to start this new project,” and you saying, “You? Some hope! You’re useless - it’ll never work. Why even bother?”

Of course you wouldn’t! You would be kind, supportive, encouraging. Even if you thought the venture foolhardy you’d step carefully round the subject, tease out some answers, and NOT judge your friend.

Would you say to your dog who is struggling to understand you, “You’re stupid. Why did I ever get you? You can’t learn anything.”

Of course you wouldn’t! You would be kind, thoughtful, gentle. You’d seek to find where your dog’s problem is, and how you can adjust things to make life easier for you both.

So why do you say it to yourself?

Dog training aka people training

You can use what you know from the way I show you to train your dog.

• You focus on what you want

• You start from where you are

• You take baby steps

• You celebrate small successes

• You are proud of what you achieve!

Start with the science-backed method that works:

Reward.

Not a “carrot” or a “stick”, but a reward. A word, a treat (we can have treats too!), a touch. Something that shows you understand. Something that shows you appreciate the effort being made.

It’s been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, with species as diverse as killer whales, dogs, pigeons, and dare I add - children!

If you reward what you like you’ll get more of it

And in this case the reward is in focussing on what it is you like. The more you think of what you can’t do, your insufficiencies, your perceived failures, the more of that you’ll get!

So the message is clear:

Focus on what you want and go for it.

Whether that’s the new trick you want to teach your dog, or the new course you want to chart for your life. No more beating yourself up!

Decisions, decisions

People find decision-making hard. We’re trying to break away from possible directions and choose just one. Sometimes we want to make a b-i-i-i-i-g life decision. Sometimes we can’t decide what to have for supper.

But decision-making is a habit. And you can build this up with practice. So practice making small decisions and then putting the subject out of your mind - no longer open for debate.

Don’t second guess yourself. Once it’s decided it’s DONE.

Do this with something small - like that question of what to have for supper - and enjoy the feeling of success and relief, once you’ve stopped going round in circles in your mind. Make your decision, and stick with it!

Soon you’ll be saying, “I’m going to schedule three training sessions with my dog this week, and get started on Loose Lead Walking working for me.” And you’ll STICK to it! Because you made that decision.

Looking for new things to teach your dog? Check out our free 8-lesson email course, packed full of recipes and new methods to explore

Get your first Lesson!

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The Old Dog: 5 secrets for keeping him young

I write with my old dog at my feet. Tired out after his hour's free running - and he still does run! Border Collies will run till they drop if you let them - he sleeps peacefully near me. He still prefers the hard floor to any of the comfy beds scattered about the house - a hard Border Collie, he! Rollo doesn't see so well now, and he doesn't hear as sharply, but as long as he jumps up - ready to go - when I move, I know he's well.

It's so easy to look after him after our long life together. It's never a chore to take extra time for my old dog, to hold the kitchen door open a bit longer, help him up the stairs, lift him into the van - it's not a task, it's a pleasure. It's a small Thank you for all the love and fun he's given me over the last thirteen years together.

We still enjoy our conversations at the end of the day, Rollo with his head on my knee, gazing at me with devotion, me twiddling his ears and smoothing his brow.

Dogs don't live as long as we do - some stiff questions will need to be answered in the afterlife! - but they pack an enormous amount into their few years.

A sheepdog runs maybe 30,000 miles in his lifetime, much of it over rough terrain and in all weathers. Gundogs also clock up huge mileage, and even the busy little terrier covers an awful lot of ground during the course of an active day. Sighthounds are professional sleepers, but can operate for short periods at phenomenal speeds, crashing through undergrowth as they race. All this activity causes a lot of wear and tear on the skeleton and soft tissues as your young tearaway becomes an old dog.

The Secret of Keeping an Old Dog Young

There are steps we can take to keep our old friend active and content for as long as possible. 

1. Physical fitness

The most important is to keep him physically fit. If you’ve always paid attention to this, this won’t be difficult. You can’t suddenly start a fitness regime with an old, portly, dog without care and possibly help from an expert.

See an old dog in action here! Jake was 14 in this photo of him catching his frisbee. 

2. The right food

"You are what you eat," as the old saw goes, and the right nutrition is so important.

How would your teeth be in old age if you only ate soggy biscuits all your life? How could your body function correctly if you had been bred for thousands of years to tear into raw meat, guts and bones, yet were only allowed to eat grain? And what would your muscle tone be like if you were served mushy food in your armchair everyday, instead of having to find and prepare fresh food for yourself?

This is how it is for millions of dogs worldwide, caught up in the fashion for fast food. Check out this post now, to see how to feed your dog healthily, appropriately, and ... very cheaply!

To keep your old dog fit and happy, it's essential to keep the weight off! It's so sad to see huge, obese dogs waddling around, and it's usually pure self-indulgence on the part of their owners. So much easier to stuff the dog with unsuitable food and then blame her for not wanting to exercise!

Did you know that giving a small dog a biscuit is the equivalent of us eating a beefburger! Please think before giving your dog - of whatever age - unsuitable food. If you must, then break off a tiny morsel of biscuit - that will carry the same message of devotion. And it’s never too late to teach your dog that begging doesn’t work! Check out Leave It! and change your life.

How can you tell if your dog is carrying too much weight? Checking your dog over regularly with your hands will tell you - and will also pick up any sores, ticks, cuts, lumps, mats, rashes, and whatnot.

The back of the neck should have soft folds of skin you can lift easily: no rolls of hard fat. You want to be able to feel all the ribs - but you don’t want to cut yourself on them! You should easily be able to locate the pin bones at the top of the pelvis, and the belly area should be soft and hollow most of the time. A tight beer-belly shape means you have work to do.

If you choose to feed a raw natural diet, this problem never seems to arise. It's hard work chomping your way through meaty bones, and this is beneficial for teeth, muscles and therefore the skeleton. The whole dog gets involved in ripping meat off a bone - see them use their legs and shoulders and really put their backs into it!

But if that’s not for you, at least make sure the diet is highly nutritious, and you provide plenty of chewing possibilities and monitor exercise.

3. Dry him off

My next tip comes from that redoubtable English Border Collie breeder and trainer, Bing Bellamy (Sealight Border Collies). "Never leave an old dog wet!" she admonished. Some of you rejoice in warm weather year-round, so this may not apply to you. But for those of us languishing in the temperate zones or worse, it's good advice. It's easy enough to ensure your house-dwelling old dog is clean and dry after a walk, but remember your kennel dogs need even more care - dry bedding, no draughts, no damp, heating where appropriate.

Rollo would like to spend his day in the garden, lying in the wet grass, getting covered in a blanket of snow, or just drenched with rain. But I won’t let him! His killjoy mother doesn’t allow it.

Despite all your efforts, your old dog may suffer from arthritis, old soft-tissue injuries, and sundry joint problems. All those miles clock up! There's lots of help you can get, from over-the-counter remedies to working with a Canine Massage Therapist (you’ll need a vet referral) - don't leave your friend suffering!

4. Give him comfort

Give your old dog a warm, comfy bed. Many dogs have made a warm, comfy bed a requirement from an early age - for Cricket the Whippet it's a priority! But even those who spend their life spurning the lovely bed you bought them in favour of a cool tiled floor will benefit from a soft bed as they get older.

Be sure that it's an easy-care bed, as one of the problems you may encounter in your old dog is urinary incontinence. This is more common in a spayed bitch, as the hormones needed to keep the tissues plump are no longer available. It's simply cured though. Your vet will have hormone tablets that you can administer in remarkably small doses that I have found fix the problem completely.

5. Eyes and Ears

Just like us, your old dog is gradually going to suffer from diminished function of eyes and ears.

Loss of hearing can be dangerous for your dog - unless you are prepared to keep him on a lead rather more. My old dog Poppy was so deaf towards the end of her sixteen years that I attached a bell to her collar. At least I knew where she was in our garden or in the fields we walked, even if she didn't know where I was.

Once I’d discovered this trick, it's now standard practice for us to add a bell to the collar of our old dogs when we go out. And the bell also keeps bears away - not a huge advantage in the Norfolk countryside, but perhaps more helpful where you live!

It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good, though, and an unexpected benefit of hearing loss was that once she got to fourteen or so, Tip, another of my collies, was no longer terrorised by fireworks for the month leading up to Guy Fawkes Night (though now they can happen any time …). So your anxious dog has this relief to look forward to!

You'll know when your old dog's eyesight is getting worse as he starts to knock into doorways, miss catching his ball or frisbee, and peer in your general direction when you speak to him, instead of straight at you.

Rollo used to be famous for catching. Nothing got past him, however cannily we tried to trick him! Sadly, he can’t catch anything at all now. But careful throwing can still give him a game of chase, with the frisbee landing in front of him so he can scoop it up. And quite often, one or two dashes is enough. So after handing the toy back to me to throw again a couple of times, he’ll keep away with his frisbee and watch the younger dogs flying about.

As time goes by your older dog will stick close to you a lot of the time. Unless there's a danger to the dog, or he is seriously injuring himself, he can usually be accommodated pretty easily.

His eyes may weep, so you'll need to clean his face for him. You'll also need to clean him the other end on occasion, especially if he has a long coat, as he finds it harder to reach that far to clean himself. A long-coated dog could also benefit from having his "trousers" and underside clipped shorter. This will ensure that there are no mats that can become smelly.

Tough Decision Time

Some dogs will slide gracefully and uneventfully into old age, like my Battersea special Poppy, and will die peacefully at home. Up to age 16, she still came for occasional walks and was content to potter about the house and garden, having no difficulty getting up. If she didn’t want to come, she would turn her head away when I got her lead: it was always her choice.

But there may come a time when your old dog is suffering pain, is unhappy, and you need to intervene to end his life.

Unlike us, a dog can't curl up with a good book. If he can't "be a dog", and run or just walk about, snuffling at things and enjoying life; if he's no longer excited at the sight of the lead and cry of "Walk!" then maybe it's time to let him go. Don't agonise for too long over this. You'll know when the time is right, so just do it. And you’ll know afterwards when you experience the flood of relief that your old friend is no longer suffering that you did the right thing.

I’m happy to pay a bit extra for the vet to come to the house to do the deed. My last dog to go was lying on his bed being handfed fish and chips while the nice visitor stroked him and he slid away.

I shall have to dodge the brickbats now, but I could never bring myself to put a dog's back end into nappies and onto a pair of wheels. My criterion in the event of an accident has always been "Can he be a dog?" Getting about on three legs will still allow him to be a dog. Two legs and two wheels will not. Though I must emphasise that this is my own personal choice. I know people who have kitted out their dog with wheels and had success. There's a lot you'd need to take into account to choose the best outcome for your family and your dog.

Old dogs are a delight

Enjoy them and give them the time they deserve. We only have one life, as do they. Let’s make it the best for both of us!

If you’re struggling to come to terms with any of this, you may find help here: www.beverleycourtney.com

Consistency vs unpredictability in dog training

I was talking about being unpredictable in your dog training here recently. And yet I also talk a lot about being consistent!

It’s a fine line we need to tread. Between boring the proverbial pants off our dog and retaining some semblance of knowing what we’re doing.

And it’s not only in your life with your dog that you need to keep this in mind … more below.

Predictability

In your training you need to be predictable. Your dog has to KNOW without a doubt when she’s got something right.

So this is why using your marker at the right moment is so important.

“Marker?” you ask? This is what you do when your dog does something you like. Some folk like to use a clicker, but most will get along very nicely with a word. I use YES. Quick, clear, to the point. Whatever my dog was doing when I say YES is something she’ll consider worth repeating.

Why? Because YES is always followed with a reward.

Always. No exceptions.

This is where the clarity and consistency come in.

So if you’re woolly over your timing, your dog’s response is going to be equally woolly.

I often say Lacy wears her heart on her tail! Because I know EXACTLY when she’s GOT the new thing she’s learning, as her tail starts to swish as soon as she does the required action.

This is great feedback for me!

Your dog may give a clear signal like that. Or you may have to depend on

🐾 sparkly eyes,

🐾 slightly parted mouth,

🐾 eager stance …

See the image at the top for a demo of this. By the way, Lacy hadn’t just eaten a cat - I was wearing a red jumper and it reflected back on to her pearly whites!

You’ll get to know exactly what your dog does when she gets it. This is wonderfully rewarding for us, too.

Unpredictability

But there’s also a place for being UNPREDICTABLE!

Don’t be a clockwork dog owner - keep your dog guessing!

🐾 Do you usually train in the kitchen?

✔️ Train in the bedroom.

🐾 Do you usually sit in a particular chair?

✔️ Choose another.

🐾 Do you usually train your dog at a certain time - or place?

✔️ Mix it up.

Get the idea?

And if your dog is doing something you’re not mad about, follow this simple recipe:

1. Your dog is doing something.

2. Decide what you’d like instead.

3. Teach the new thing.

4. Be consistent.

Please don’t expect your dog to somehow know - not only what aspect of her behaviour is troubling you, but what you want her to do instead!

Dogs are remarkably sensitive and observant, but they don’t have a crystal ball.

Not only with our dog . . .

For some ideas of how to go about this with ease, check out our free email course

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And it’s not only with our dog we need to combine unpredictability and consistency. If you’ve done the same things, day in, day out, since forever . . . you’re going to get the same results as you’ve always got. Stands to reason!

So to get the change we all need - to move forward in our lives and fulfil our true potential - something has got to change. We can’t stay stuck in childhood our whole life.

Change things up, be unpredictable! This is the ultimate sign of a flexible mind.

Choose new thoughts, new feelings, new things you can do.

While, at the same time, being consistent!

Always stay true to your values and your core beliefs.

That’s a puzzle for you to work out. Have fun!