Dog Separation Anxiety after Lockdown?

I received this request recently from a long-time follower,

“How about some advice on separation anxiety? Coming out of lockdown is going to be hard for many of our dogs. They are so used to us being around all the time. I’m ready to work on the problem.”

Advice? We-e-e-e-ll. That depends whether you want advice for your dog or advice for you!

The dog part is easy!

First, read the post Puppy Socialisation in Lockdown which will give you a greater understanding of what’s going on.

Note especially this bit: “One thing that will need careful attention while you’re at home is teaching him how to cope with your absence without distress. This is hugely important for any puppy - especially now, if you’re isolated. So short absences - even to the next room - must be built in from the start, and gradually extended.”

These absences should be incorporated as a normal part of any dog’s life with you, lockdown or no. So be sure to add them in daily.

When you need to go to the shops you can leave your dog safely in her crate, maybe with soft music and a chewtoy to help her settle. If you have two dogs, be sure to walk them separately some of the time (you should do this anyway!) so one is getting your full attention and training on the walk, while the other is learning to manage absence back at home.

Return calmly. Certainly greet your dog of course, but avoid mega-long-lost-greetings that make a big thing of it all, instead of just another aspect of normal life. Ignore any hysteria coming from the crate!

The more you do this, the faster it will all go. You owe it to your dog to teach her how to manage being alone. Just as we teach our babies how to be alone. Fortunately dogs, like babies, spend much of their day asleep anyway, so it’s pretty easy to utilise this zzz time for a bit of absence practice.

Most of what people fear as Separation Anxiety is simply an absence of this gradual training. There is a big difference between a bit of discomfort at being alone, and clinical “Separation Anxiety” which may need the help of medication as well as a structured desensitisation program to work through. I recommend Patricia McConnell’s “I’ll be Home Soon” book.

But what about the owner part?

Have a look at these two statements from that reader:

“Coming out of lockdown is going to be hard for many of our dogs.” 

“I’m ready to work on the problem.”

In both cases, this is perceived as a problem. What’s more, it’s a problem that doesn’t yet exist! This is popularly known as “meeting trouble halfway”.

Not only are you worrying about something that hasn’t happened and may never happen, but by focussing on it you are actually making it more likely!  

Yes, that’s true. Worrying about something that may never happen is opening the door to it and saying “Come in, do!”

If you don’t believe in the power of manifestation, you can look at other parts of your life where your awareness is heightened for something relevant to you. If you’re thinking of buying a red car, you see red cars everywhere! If you’re pregnant, suddenly every second woman is pregnant!

So if you think your dog is going to be anxious when you go out, every little thing he does will confirm this for you.

What you focus on is what you get

So what is my advice to you?

1. Ensure you get your dog or puppy gradually used to your absence, and used to being alone, right from the get-go. Starting now is better than not starting at all! The resilience he learns will be valuable for every aspect of his life.

2. Stop worrying! Worrying helps no-one. If you perceive something as a problem and dwell on it, that problem will grow. If you realise that for every problem there is a solution, and you just have to find it, you’ll be able to instantly stop worrying while you search. Would you rather be pro-active or a helpless victim of circumstance?!

 To change your dog you need to change yourself first!

Watch our free Workshop and find out how to transform your “deaf dog” into a LISTENING DOG!

How can I get my dog to Listen?

This is the single most frequent request I get from readers: “How can I get my dog to listen?”

Sometimes it arrives in the form of “My dog doesn’t listen to me,” “He never listens,” “You’d think he was deaf!” and so on.

But in every case it’s the owner complaining about her dog’s fault.

How about turning that around????

How about looking at what you’re doing first, then look at what your dog is or isn’t doing in response?

You actually have to teach them first!

I find that folk arrive with me, complaining that their dog doesn’t listen, then they’re surprised when I ask them how they have taught their dog to listen.

They haven’t, of course. They expect the dog to arrive with Listening-to-Owner installed. They don’t realise they have to make it worth their dog’s while to listen to them - every time!

We spend a lot of time with our friends, family, even a prospective spouse, teaching them how to listen. We all want to be heard. And there are different levels of listening. We want the very best!

Your dog is the same! He needs to learn that listening to you is good, listening to you is worth his while, listening to you always results in good things.

And there’s a very real danger that if you don’t teach him what you like, then he’ll teach you what he likes!

In every relationship, one person is shaping the other. Sometimes it gets horribly one-sided, like in an oppressive marriage, or an unequal friendship. But that isn’t necessary. A little careful groundwork can start a relationship off right. True choice in a relationship comes when both parties can express themselves fully..

And that’s what we want with our dogs too.

We want a companion dog who enjoys our company, chooses to hang out with us, is alert to our needs, and eager to please. Note that this doesn’t imply slavery, grovelling, or self-abasement! We want an honest relationship with our dog, the same as with everyone else.

I know the frustration your dog’s apparent ignoring can cause - when you do your best to do what you’ve been told in training your dog - only to find it doesn’t work. It causes the opposite of what you want! Antagonism, distrust, loss of love.

There is a better way. A way which works.

And, importantly, a way which does not involve any force, coercion, or intimidation. The same way as you choose to treat your family and friends.

I love my dog, but he just doesn’t listen!

Would this be you? Have you got a dog who simply doesn’t listen to you? Well, you’re in luck! I’ve just made a new training workshop with exactly you in mind!

You can find it here - it’s free, by the way, as is so much that I give you.

Why do I give so much away for nothing? Some suspicious people even say “What’s the catch?”!

Well, there are two reasons:

1. I am passionate about changing the lives of dogs, and this means changing how their owners are with them. Getting these folk to dip their toe in the water of Choice Training is a great start!

and

2. I know that a number of those people I help will want more - they’ll want to work with me in person, through one of my programs. Hooray! Now I get to help them in depth! That’s the fullest expression of my passion to help dogs be understood.

Understanding leads to harmony.

As Carol, one of those students, put it just recently,

“I’m amazed at how much me and my dog have changed, and what we’ve now become. A proper team.”

Don’t lose another minute!

Register for this free Workshop here and get stuck in! You’ll come away with solid strategies you can put into practice TODAY, to change things in your life with your dog, remove that conflict and frustration, and build an unbreakable bond.

Start the change with your puppy or dog with our free Workshop packed with ideas and strategies -

all force-free!

My dog is afraid of the car: 10 steps for change!

Why is my dog afraid of the car?

This is a tough one! You’re dying to take your dog out on lovely walks with the family - and she quakes and quivers at the sight of the car.

This is usually only found in rehomed dogs who have had a bad experience in a vehicle. But it can happen also with the family dog who used to enjoy car journeys till there was a motor accident.

The most carefully-nurtured puppy may be afraid of the car because it means carsickness. Some pups are carsick, some never are. Travel your puppy in the front seat of the car - between the wheels - where there is less movement, take corners slowly, and have a bucket ready. You can strap in his crate with the seatbelt. This phase will gradually pass.

If your dog’s reaction is extreme, with shaking, scrabbling to get away, drooling, and evident misery, you may need to talk to your vet about a mild sedative to calm the dog enough to start on a protocol to readjust her attitude to the car.

There are some very good herbal remedies which do not require a prescription which may help - they are often marketed as a calmer for firework nights.

The last thing to do is try to force the dog into the car!

This will only increase the fear and anxiety. What you can do is slowly and gradually change her view of the car as somewhere safe and pleasant to be.

Jet the young black Labrador had to be lifted into the car as he was fearful of getting in by himself. I suggested to his owners that they shut the garden gates, prepare his food as usual, walk out to the car, open the boot and place the bowl in the car as far back as possible from the edge. Then leave the dog to figure out how to get this food all by himself.

I hinted it could take a few days.

Next morning they reported back to me: they’d placed the food in the car, and started to walk away only to hear Jet leaping into the back of the car and scarfing down his dinner! One happy owner.

Here are 10 steps to change your dog’s approach to the car

1. For some dogs, it’s the vibration and noise of the car engine that is the problem. So take your dog out to the car, sit in the car yourself without the engine running, leave ALL the doors open, and toss top-class treats (sausage, raw steak) to her outside the car. Let her decide when she’d like to get closer to you. She can climb in beside you if she likes, have some more food, then you can both get out and leave it for the day.

2. Repeat this a few times and your dog will be keen to get in with you. Once you’ve achieved that stage, you can start to close the doors for a moment, then get out.

3. If your dog loves playing fetch, a great game of tossing her favourite toy into the back of the car, or right through it (all doors open) can work wonders.

4. Next step is, with doors and windows closed, turn the engine on for a short while, ensuring the exhaust isn’t blowing back into the vehicle. Do NOT drive the car! But keep up the flow of treats. These steps will take as long as they take. Don’t be in a hurry to push forward till your dog is really happy about the previous step.

5. After a few times doing this step, you may notice that your dog is calmer and exhibiting less anxiety (tension in face and ears, wide darting eyes, paddling the feet, etc). Now you can actually roll the car forward or back a little way, and that’s it for the day.

6. When you first pull out of your drive and actually move along the road, make it a very short journey ending in something spectacular - a run in the park, a visit to granny, or just straight back home for a great game.

7. Another thing that can help: ensure that there is a door or window open when you shut the boot. The shockwave from the boot-slam can be very distressing for a dog. Sit in the car yourself with doors and windows closed while someone else slams the boot shut and you’ll see what I mean.

8. For some dogs, travelling in a cage they can’t see out of is very effective. It could be to do with carsickness, fear of cars approaching behind your car, or just that they want to bark at everything that moves as they pass.

9. If your dog is happy in the car but hesitant to get in, you may need a vet check to rule out a physical issue. It can be an advanced warning of hip trouble. Meanwhile, a ramp or sturdy step can help.

10. And never let your dog - especially a young dog - jump out of the car onto a hard surface (road, dry or frozen ground)! This can seriously damage his shoulders.

Barking in the car can be completely solved by either covering the crate or using blackout material to cover the inside of the windows. Never was there an easier solution to a common and aggravating problem!

Experiment and see what works for your dog. And once you’ve worked out how to get him into the car, check out this post to find the best way to keep secure.

Now you can head off on some of those great country walks!

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“My dog doesn’t listen to me!”

I did a quick survey amongst my readers recently.

I asked them:

“When you think of improving your life with your dog, what is the one thing that would make all the difference to you?”

And who knew?

The overwhelming majority of people said something along the lines of

“Listening to me”

“That she responds to me”

“If he started listening”

or just plain “Obedience”.

This was interesting, though perhaps not surprising.

For listening is the basis of any relationship!

With your spouse, your friends, your children - if none of them ever listened, this would not make for a rewarding relationship. Tempers would fray. Happiness would not be evident!

But what makes someone listen to you?

Everyone listens to the same radio station: WIIfm - “What’s in it for me?” If whenever they listen to you they get

a) no response from you, or

b) an earful

they’re not going to be too keen on listening the next time you utter.

So what can you do to make yourself more interesting to your dog? Without bribing, begging, cajoling, or pleading?

Watch our free Workshop and learn how to communicate effectively with your dog or your new puppy, right from the start!

Yep, it’s another of our hugely popular Workshops, coming up this very week. A way to start not just the New Year, but the New Decade, the way you would like to continue.

So far several thousand people have enjoyed these Workshops - and those who pay attention and do the work get fantastic results!

Here are a few comments from folk in previous Workshops:

Did two sessions already and his recalls outside improved. This is going to be a fabulous week!! Thank you so much! Veronica

“Getting very inspired and Ida is beside herself with joy. This course really works and not just for a week.” Diana

Thank you, Beverley Courtney, for a great learning experience this week. It has helped me realize how much my own attitude and tension influence my dog. You have given us skills, techniques and understanding in such a simple and clear way. Annabel

“So proud of how my little dog is progressing, thanks to what we are learning from Beverley, would never have thought it possible, but we’re steadily getting there!” Carol

You put the tools in front of us and give us the confidence to experiment! I so appreciate your clarity! Jud

“So, after day 3 I'm starting to think I've had a Brilliant Dog all along!” Jennifer

One of the best things I have done, the Workshop taught me so much. Karen

We’re putting the finishing touches to the Workshop now, to make sure you have a great experience, enjoy meeting a host of new friends who know just how you feel, and to ensure you get the results you want: A dog who listens!

And how can you get started? Have a look at this post and get started straight away.

We’ll be going into this in much more detail in the Live Trainings . . . Be sure to be there!