Your dog and Christmas visitors

Christmas is coming!

And your house will be filled with fun and laughter …

You’re expecting friends, family, children, grandchildren, which is all delightful and lovely - but your dog has never really met any children. And he’s alarmed by strange men in the house.

Christmas is a time of upheaval for dogs.

• Upheaval = stress

• Stress for your dog = stress for you, and for your guests!

So what can you do to minimise the stress? 

Preparation is key!

It’s getting a bit late for a major counterconditioning program, but there are things that can help the holiday season run smoothly.

If a baby will be on the guest list, get a blanket the baby has been sleeping in (and doing everything else in!) and leave it lying around for your dog to sniff for a while before the arrival. She'll gradually get used to the strange baby smells and it won’t be such a shock when the real thing (attached to a protective mother) arrives.

You can also use audio of babies crying on Youtube, gradually raising the sound level as your dog grows accustomed to it. Baby programmes on tv will also be helpful to watch with your dog and a stash of tasty treats. See this post about animals on tv, to guide you.

The most important thing is always to have a bolthole so your dog can choose to escape. If she can’t cope with the noise and hubbub, get her out of the way where she can continue her usual routine of sleeping for most of the day.

If you haven’t already got a cosy nest, make one now, and start using it STRAIGHT AWAY! Consider soft lighting, half-covering the crate, soft music (classical, like Mozart, is best - but you can also find stuff on Youtube). The music will not only soothe and calm your dog, but also muffle some of the sounds of the household.

If children are visiting, ensure the dog room is locked and you have the key! It only takes a moment for a curious, over-excited child to open the door, and there could be bad and sad consequences . . .

But here’s the best trick of all

Have ONE person responsible for the dog at all times, and when you need to, pass the con to someone specific for a specific length of time. And know when they’re going to hand responsibility back to you. You never want to hear “But I thought YOU were looking after the dog . . .”

If your dog is really uncomfortable with strangers, he doesn’t have to meet them at all. No, really - he doesn’t!

Though an on-lead - and muzzled if necessary - drive-through of the living room when the party has died down a bit, may help.

Meeting outside can be a very effective strategy - on a walk up and down the road outside your house. You can be close enough to chat to your guest without being so near that your dog gets agitated and barky.

Do NOT ask others to feed him. This is very conflicting.

If he wants to greet - or even look at - a visitor, you feed him.

Get in a stash of hooves, pigs’ ears, marrowbones, kongs, liver pate, peanut butter (xylitol-free), squeezy cheese - whatever your dog enjoys (not rawhide chews, which can be dangerous). Have them on hand so he can chew himself to sleep in his cosy den.

And please - NO cutesy photos of dogs and children. In most of the photos we see on the internet, the dog is actually very worried and the child is within an ace of being bitten or snapped at. See this image here, of a very alarmed dog who is trapped between child and chair. His mouth is already parting in a grumble. The adult nearby seems unaware . . .

It doesn’t have to be like this! This is what Sue had to say, after completing a Puppy Course with me:

The grandchildren can now come in and wander around and even eat a biscuit on the sofa and Jasper doesn’t bother them. He acts calmly around them now and has even stopped barking and growling at children we see when we are out and about! Massive improvements all round. Life is just wonderful! My dream dog!

Got a jumpy puppy?

It won’t do your puppy any good to get so excited he can’t control himself - or his bladder! This is another good candidate for meeting guests outside, so leaks won’t matter.

As to jumping up, if your pup is small enough you can carry him, if not, have him on lead so you can manage the greeting carefully. Encourage children to get down to puppy level to interact briefly (no rolling about on the floor please!) so the pup has no need to jump up.

But you really do need to practice this when people aren’t as high as kites, or “tired and emotional”!

Your puppy already needs 17 hours of sleep a day. Deprive him of any of that, and he can get overwrought and nippy. It can all end in tears! You must always have an adult actively supervising when the puppy is with the children.

So make sure you keep to his usual timetable of meals and sleeps, and use that hidden-away cosy den so he can really switch off.

Protect your dog from over-excited children and drunken guests!

He only has you to look out for him.

Be sure to honour his trust.

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Do you need information for your dog - or guidance?

You’ve got the new puppy - or your new rescue dog. You’ve got the bed, the crate, the foodbowl and some grub. You’ve booked a vet appointment, you’ve worked out responsibilities in the family, you’ve got the collar and lead.

Now what?

If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs - written for humans, but just as applicable to dogs - you’ll see that that’s the Physiological and Safety needs covered.

Next step up on the pyramid is Love and Belonging. This should happen naturally as you care for your new pet, always ensuring that he is happy with the arrangements, and feels secure and wanted.

And that’s where a lot of people stop. The dog is fed and minded, he gets walks and a cuddle from time to time, and that’s it.

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But what about the next two levels?

The Needs I’m particularly interested in are

• Esteem - including respect, self-esteem, and freedom - and

• Self-actualisation - becoming the best one can be

What? This is a DOG!

Well, like everyone else in your family, your dog will feel much better, more loved, more valued, if you allow him to become the best he can be.

And this means training.

Not “training” in the traditional sense of “Do this, do that, do what I say,” but education in the original sense of drawing out the subject’s mind, knowledge, ability.

This is where Choice Training comes in!

Brilliant Family Dog’s Choice Training is the quickest way to build a rewarding relationship with a dog who can make good decisions!

And this is also where you could probably do with a bit of help.

Is your dog stupid?

Many of us are brought up to believe that a dog is pretty stupid. That you have to SHOUT at her to get her to understand. That she is a robot who has to be programmed with COMMANDS then give instant compliance or reap the consequences. (How many of you expect instant compliance from your family when you make a request?!)

When you turn things round and ask your dog to comply, instead of telling her, magic begins to happen. See what this Brilliant Family Dog student said: 

I like choice training as it makes me think of my dog as a friend rather than as something to be ordered about all the time.

But this can be hard to get your head round without a bit of help. We are so programmed to expect the old-school way of dog training, that we may be tempted to go to classes which treat the dog as a chattel, and accept instructions to treat our dog in a way we would not dream of treating our fellow humans.

(I’m not blaming you if this is what’s happened. You wanted the best for your dog, so you went to someone who claimed to be an expert. How were you to know?)

But just imagine it’s your 2-year-old child on the end of that lead in class: do you think you’d behave differently?  

You need a guide you can trust -

✅ Someone who understands your needs as well as your dog’s needs.

✅ Someone who knows that this will all go so much better if we view our relationship with our dog as a partnership, rather than master-slave.

✅ Someone who can show you how to teach your dog to get the companion you want without going against any of your deeply-held values about how to treat others who share this planet with us.  

Now . . . who could that be? 😀

You can end the frustration!

At Brilliant Family Dog, I help frustrated dog-owners transform the whole dog+owner experience from challenge and conflict to harmony and friendship.

Unlike many trainers who work with force, intimidation, and coercion to get temporary results, Brilliant Family Dog can give you permanent change and a bright new future with your much-loved dog without you ever saying “Nooo”!

Really! You never, ever, have to say “NO” to your little puppy, or your new dog, who begins by feeling disoriented and lost in his new home. Think how much stress slips away when you remove that word from your interactions.

My approach is really very different from the traditional one, of dogs being marched endlessly round a hall with their lead being yanked. And I take you step-by-step through the foundations to ensure you get the results you work for.

When I asked my students what their biggest takeaway was, this is one of the answers I got! 

Should have gone to Beverley sooner

 To change your dog you need to change yourself first!

Watch our free Workshop and find out how to transform your “deaf dog” into a LISTENING DOG!

I love my dog AND I love my sleep!

One of the most common cries for help that arrives in my inbox at Brilliant Family Dog, is how to get a new puppy to sleep.

People tend to expect some sleepless nights when they have a new baby. But for some odd reason, many folk think that they’ll bring home a new puppy, play with him in the daytime, then plonk him in his basket and expect him to switch off for eight hours straight.

They get a rude awakening! Or rather, as they never get to sleep in the first place, a rude stay-awakening.

Your new puppy has been “snatched” from his comfy home, full of other playmates who doubled up as hot water bottles. He was undoubtedly confined to a small area by the breeder - no midnight ramblings! But once he arrives in his new home, he’s over-stimulated and exhausted all day, then parked in a strange large room - possibly providing him with furniture to chew and carpet and electric cables to pee on - with no company, no warm breathing fluffies, no heartbeats.

He’s cold. He’s lonely. He’s afraid.

(Yes, I know you don’t mean him any harm - on the contrary, you want to love him - and I’m sure your house is pleasantly warm. But he has no company, no-one to snuggle up with. He feels lost.)

So what does he do?

He SCREAMS! 🙀 😱 💥

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How to by-pass the screaming

And it’s after a few nights of full-blooded screaming, which is rewarded by pyjama-clad owners continually going downstairs to fuss over him - sometimes even bringing their duvet and sleeping on the couch! - that I get the desperate emails.

So how about sorting this problem on Day 1?

How about planning things so that the screaming never happens?

We all know that habits can build fast, and if your puppy is spending half his night screaming and getting attention, this can fast become what he expects!

My recipe for peaceful nights from the very start, is this:

1. Use a crate, half-cover it, and

2. Shut the door.

3. Sleep the puppy in the crate in your darkened room, preferably right by your bed so you can sleepily dangle a hand down for him to sniff or lick.

4. If he seems very agitated at some stage, carry him outside, put on his lead and give him a chance to relieve himself. Then back to his crate - all virtually silent. No play, no chitchat, no food, no water.

As people unaccountably seem to find this difficult and want to add in all sorts of variations, I’ll give you some “don’ts” too:

1. Don’t leave food or water in the crate.

2. Ignore any stirrings for as long as possible.

3. Never wake him up!

4. Stop worrying about it.

My puppies - of various sizes - are all clean and dry by night by 10 weeks at the very, very latest. Some are clean and dry and sleep all night from their first night, at 8 weeks.

Mealtimes

Take a look at the timings of your puppy’s meals. At 8 weeks he should be on four a day. It takes a certain length of time for the food to transit the gut and emerge the other end.

So if your pup needs to poo in the night (assuming the poo is firm and doesn’t indicate a dietary or medical problem) you’ll need to adjust the mealtimes LATER. If he’s getting his last meal at 6 pm, for example, and it takes 10 hours to pass through him, then you have just set your alarm for 4 am!

How to know how long it takes to work its way through?

Great trick here: give him a carrot to chew and note the time. Dogs can’t digest carrot, so when you see orange chunks in his poo, note that time too. This will give you a pretty good idea of how to time his meals.

It’s a big responsibility having a new little person to look after. And when there is so much nonsensical advice and old wives’ tales thrown at you as well, it can be a worrying time.

But if you plan ahead and know that you’re doing the right thing, it all becomes so much easier!  

✅ You have needs.

✅ Your puppy has needs.

✅ Balance the two and you’ll both be zizzing all night within a day or two. 

But my dog’s not a little puppy!

Incidentally - the exact same applies if you’re rehoming an adult dog. She may never have been housetrained. Or she had to live outside. Or she had a totally different lifestyle from what you’re giving her. It can take at least two months for a new adult dog to settle into her new home. Meanwhile she doesn’t know which way is up!

She’s lost, disorientated … and she needs almost as much sleep as a new puppy does.

So follow the SAME RECIPE!

Ensure your new adult dog gets the same amount of downtime, and the same cosy den, as I’m suggesting for a new puppy. Dogs are keen to fit in - if they only knew what was wanted. So do just the same and enjoy your sleep.

Let me know how you get on!

Check other post that might help your brilliant dogs:

I have a new puppy: will I ever get any sleep again?

How much time does your dog spend sleeping?

How much does your dog sleep?

Errorless Housetraining and Crate Training

Puppy Crate training demystified

Have your puppy sleep ALL NIGHT from the first night! Get this free guide to show you how

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Procrastination is the thief of your dog’s time

“Procrastination is the thief of time”

One of my mother’s favourite sayings! Whenever we wanted to put off doing anything at all - from carrying our plate back to the sink to hanging up our coats or finishing our homework - that steady calm voice would tell us we were wasting our precious time, that it was lost and gone for ever.

Of course at that age we had no idea of how fast time whizzes by.

But now we’re all grown up and we know! All too well!

And it’s not only our time that we’re losing, but our lovely dog’s time.

Our dogs haven’t got as long as we have. They haven’t got time to lose. They’re here and time-consuming (as a puppy), they’re still here and much loved and adored (as an older dog).

But how much of their time do we waste by NOT working with them? 

.. by NOT teaching them what we’d like?

.. by NOT finding the time to do the training we’ve spent ages trawling through the internet to find?

If we’re always being too busy to utilise the knowledge we’ve found, then that knowledge is useless - and acquiring it was a perfect waste of time! 

NOW NOW NOW!

We all want rapid results - of course we do. I don’t know about you, but I get a lot of tech challenges in my line of business. I know how to do things . . . but what do I do when it all goes wrong? 😱

Over time I’ve cracked most of the daily tech problems I get. But if my business didn’t rely on solving those problems, I’d probably . . . procrastinate!

It’s much easier not to confront problems, rather let them drift in the forlorn hope that they’ll just disappear. But as we know, in truth, they bubble along below the surface till one day they jump up to bite us!

And then, don’t you just wish you’d dealt with the problem head on, at the time it first emerged? Because now you have loads of issues to unravel - just to get back to where you started!

So to forestall tech problems, I’m careful only to use software which has a solid reputation for speedy support and backup. 

Don’t you need just that with your dog?

You can find anything you want on the internet and in books. You can filter your results carefully for methods which accord with your own values - to make sure you only use force-free training.

You can even allocate the time and get started working with your dog!

So . . . it says: 

Step 1: Do this

Step 2: Dog will do that

Step 3: You’ve got it!

But hang on! What happens when Step 2 falls asunder?

What happens when you “do this” (or you think you’re “doing this” - maybe you’re actually doing something wrong or different? How can you know?) and then your dog does NOT “do that”?

Now what?

You’re stuck. Stuck fast. Can’t move forward. No idea what the problem is. Is the dog dumb? Are you dumb? You’re doing your best and it’s just not working.

This is where you need that speedy support and backup. There is absolutely no reason why you should be able to make this work straight away. You’re not an expert, which is why you’ve looked for help in the first place!  

So what can you do?

Just like me choosing softwares which have a solid reputation for speedy support and backup, you need to choose dog training with a solid reputation for speedy support and backup!

I’m not a tech expert, and I can’t manage those techy problems without guidance and help. And if you’re not a professional dog trainer,  you need that same guidance and help for your dog training.

Every time you meet a problem you can’t solve, you’re likely to put off dealing with it.

• Ok, so the dog jumps up on visitors - I can’t fix it so they’ll have to put up with it.

• The dog barks at other dogs - been trying to change this on my own for years without success.

• My dog is so embarrassing I can’t walk him by daylight … I’ve tried everything . . .

You need HELP!

You need someone who you can trust not only to give you the methods and techniques, but to help you build a plan to teach them to your particular dog - in your own individual circumstances - and then be there for you to be accountable to, so that you get it done!

Someone who will hold your hand, help you modify your plan where necessary, see what may be going wrong, and give you a High Five when you’ve achieved your goal.

Someone you can be honest with, unburden yourself to, who you know will understand what you’re struggling with with your dog.

You’re in luck!

You can sign up here for our free e-course below to get you started in the direction you want to go - and find out all about our programs to keep your nose to the grindstone, getting the results you want!

Want to change life with your Growly Dog without force or intimidation? Get our free e-course here and get started!

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Is it your fault you have a reactive dog?

Believe it or not, many folk think it’s their fault somehow that their dog is as he is. They blame themselves.

I suppose this is one step better than blaming the breeder, the shelter, the dog in the park, the thunderstorm, your family, your neighbour, or of course, your dog!

But how helpful is it to apportion blame at all - to anyone or anything? How will that move you from where you are to where you want to be?

Because blame is looking backwards.

Blame is trying to find a reason for something you don’t like so that you don’t need to feel responsible.

Blame is a way of dodging out of doing the work you need to do to help your anxious, shy, hyper, aggressive - Growly - dog.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been told - as a fact - that someone’s dog became reactive after a particular incident. So naturally, then that incident is the cause, and there’s nothing they can do.

Is your dog throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Masterclass and find how to change things fast!

“A big dog went for him when he was a puppy.”

“A child on a scooter whooshed too close and frightened him.”

“A car crashed into our car.”

All these things are unfortunate - but they’re not terminal! And they may have just been the tipping point, rather than the cause. The time you started to notice your dog’s discomfort rather than the moment it actually started.

Jenny and Jasper

Jenny was utterly convinced that a single moment in time turned her happy-go-lucky one-year-old Jasper into a quivering wreck who was now afraid of everything. “This big black dog ran in and jumped on him and flattened him. He screamed. I screamed. The owner did nothing. I was too afraid to touch the other dog. No, he wasn’t injured. But I feel so guilty about it. I want my friendly puppy back.”

Now, this sort of thing happens to loads of dogs who shake it off and carry on unscathed. The difference here is that Jenny suddenly started paying attention to Jasper’s body language around other dogs, particularly large and/or black ones. 

She picked up on signals she may have missed before. Signals that the big black dog read clearly!

She became overprotective - an understandable response - possibly making Jasper think that the world was a dangerous place and he’d better get in with a bark and a growl before it got him.

Without knowing how to manage these situations, she began - albeit unwittingly - to create them!

I do understand where Jenny was coming from. One thing she was overlooking was that at one year old, Jasper was leaving adolescence and puppyhood behind, and growing in to a more mature lifestage. It’s natural for dogs to stick to their own people. Playing with every dog they see is a juvenile behaviour, and Jasper was . . . growing up!

Also, it’s likely in our culture that Jasper had been neutered somewhere in the previous six months. This can be a huge confidence-sapper, which is one of many reasons why it’s best to leave it till later (if at all).

So the things that came together to spark an apparently new reactivity in Jasper, were actually part of a developmental path that he was already on.

It’s not my fault so it can’t be helped

Blaming the event was holding Jenny back from learning how to help Jasper enjoy life more. She felt that it was a fait accompli - that there was now nothing to be done.

How wrong can a person be?!!

There’s masses you can do.

And those in the know are actually doing these things from as soon as they get their puppy or dog in the first place. Teaching them the world is a good place, that they are safe, that together they can cope.

There are strategies and techniques Jenny was able to start on to make walks fun again. Strategies and techniques we’d love to teach you, so you can make your walks fun too.

Start by looking at all the things you LOVE about your life and your dog. Dismiss any thoughts of past events with a “Thank you, but that’s not important right now.”

Think of where you can move forward with a plan.

No plan? Sign up to our free e-course for understanding your Growly Dog and how to start the change.

Make the first step in your plan . . .

Growly Dog? Get our free email course!

Get your first Growly Lesson!

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Finding a trainer for your Growly Dog

Are you looking for a trainer for your growly, reactive, lunging dog? 

Simple!

Just look in the phone book …

NOOOOOOO!!!

What may appear simple to the man or woman in the street is actually quite complicated and fraught with danger!

In any professional group there will be differences of opinion. We all know that. But in the dog training world the differences are critical! They’re between treating your dog kindly at all times, and being positively nasty to her!

So choosing the wrong trainer for your precious dog can have enormous fallout.

Take Dottie in the story I told last week. She was trying to do her best for her little Toby, but came seriously unstuck and ended up doing bad things she would never have dreamt up on her own.

Sadly, this is a common tale. I hear daily from people who were near despair. Only yesterday I worked with a couple who when I first met them were close to  rehoming their dog as she appeared to have so many problems. No chance of her leaving now - they adore their transformed doglet!

Ute had tried three trainers, while her dog gradually deteriorated. She told me, “the first trainer made things worse by using what I consider force against my will.”

Jennifer sang a similar song when she sought help for her two puppies: “I had a trainer/behaviourist to them at 8 months who threw their leads at them because they barked at her then told me they were nervous and could bite if I didn't do something”

This extraordinary behaviour is clearly a popular technique amongst the old school trainers (they call themselves “balanced” for some weird and unbalanced reason) as Valerie had the exact same experience before she found me: “I am so glad to have found a trainer who can understand my feeling that there is no point in throwing things at an already nervous dog.”

And Stella hit the nail on the head when she recalled that her beautiful chocolate poodle was labelled by a vet and a trainer as “’difficult' or 'feisty’. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.” Of course it did! If you keep telling a child he’s naughty, that’s exactly what he’ll be.

Even a young puppy can get the short end of the stick: “we had a 1:1 with a dog trainer which left us feeling much worse” said Satya of her 13-week-old pup. Really! Just a baby.

Money?

Buckets of it go into the pockets of these people who claim to have the dog’s interests at heart. See what Marita said:

“Three animal trainers and hundreds of dollars later I found Beverley. I wish I had found her sooner.”

So it’s not about the money! It’s about the success you have - and most importantly for me - the method you use to get there

As Burt Bacharach has it in “Alfie”,

Are we meant to take more than we give

Or are we meant to be kind?

I believe in love, Alfie …

When you walk let your heart lead the way

 Are you letting your heart lead the way? Or are you letting someone bamboozle you out of your beliefs and integrity, and letting them do awful things to your dog?

A Secret Weapon

Thing is … I have a secret weapon.

Most of my students have discovered this - and that’s why they’ve chosen to follow me and study with me!

Elle got it when she told me, “you wear many different hats....dog trainer, people trainer, educator, counsellor, support/outreach, author, etc. etc. etc…’

And Chris put it even more succinctly!

Brilliant Family Dog? More like Brilliant People Trainer

My secret is out!

You need to find a dog trainer who has compassion for both you and your dog. Operating on the dog as if it’s a faulty machine, and ignoring the relationship between dog and owner is doomed to total failure.

So if you’re looking for help for your growly, reactive, lunging dog - or simply for your wild puppy or your dog who seems to be challenging - keep these thoughts in mind when you hunt.

And you may be surprised to learn that you don’t need a local trainer! If the expertise is with someone the other side of the world, that’s where you should be looking. 

 I have finally found sound advice and a trainer - even if you are half a world away.  Joanne

So keep it simple by just staying with me at Brilliant Family Dog! Check out the possibilities now …