The winding path - for our dogs and for us!

Wandering footpaths are a feature of my photos. And they're a feature of my life too, as well as yours. We are all on an endless journey. And we all have choices to make.

Our dogs take everything in their stride. They put their noses down and they explore their surroundings. They find what they like and they discard what they don’t like.

We can do the same!

We can look at our surroundings, our circumstances, and we can pick and choose. We don’t have to take everything life throws at us, or what gets thrown at us by other people, governments, natural and not-so-natural events!

We can decide what we want to keep in our life, and we can discard what we don’t want.

If you are burdened by expectation, guilt, or a desire to fit in, you’re not going to be able to make the choices that are right for you!

You have to choose yourself, from your heart, what aligns with your values. What is acceptable to you, not to society, family, colleagues …

What does the future hold for us?

We have no idea!

No-one can know what will happen tomorrow, next year, later today . . .

The best we can do is to keep our minds open, and explore - just as our dogs do - and find the hidden delights that are strewn across our path, but which we so often trample over in our hurry to get . . . somewhere else.

I love finding surprises on my walks. And I’ve been finding lots of hearts recently! Here’s a nice one that Coco is inspecting.

You may think it’s just a stone.

Aha! Nonono!

It’s a sign that love is everywhere. Beauty is everywhere. But it’s easy for us to miss it in our hurry through life.

Driving through the Burren - a magical limestone pavement in Ireland, full of flowers which grow nowhere else - a friend asked of a farmer on the road where he may see the flowers.

Slowly and deliberately, the old soul replied, “You’ll not see anything, hurtling through at thirty miles an hour.”

So true!

The beauty of the world is there for us. Our task is to look beyond the humdrum and see it.

Am I on the right path?

You may have been racing along your path for so long that you’ve forgotten to check that it’s the right path for you!

Does it fill you with joy, every day? Does your heart sing when you wake in the morning and see what your day holds? Or do you get a sinking feeling, a feeling of dread, as you contemplate your day?

Sometimes we need a little nudge in the right direction, to ensure we don't go off track. Sometimes we can give ourselves that nudge. And sometimes we need someone else to do it for us.

Do you have a safe someone? Contact me if you are still searching.

Learn a new way to interact with your dog which you will both love!

What can our dogs teach us about life?

We seem to think it’s up to us to teach our dogs everything. I get questions all the time along the lines of “How can I make my dog do such-and-such?” “How can I stop my dog doing xyz?”

But how about looking at what our dogs can teach us?

One of the greatest realisations in my time on this planet is that

It’s not about us!

We see things through our own individual set of goggles. And those goggles have very smeary, scratched lenses!

They’ve been smeared and scratched by years and years of our life experiences, what we’ve been taught, what’s acceptable in our society, how we think we ought to behave.

Often we have felt that life is happening to us, without us being able to do a thing about it. We may have accepted everything we’ve been told or taught without question.

Where is the truth?

But, you know, the only thing you can be sure of, can trust, can know is truth, is your own reaction. Your own thought. Your own feeling.

For some of us, even those spontaneous thoughts have been crushed and buried because we thought they didn’t fit in with what we’re meant to think. It can take a little digging to find out what your true values and feelings are. We can cast aside the interpretations we put on the things that happen, we can stop meeting trouble halfway by our assumptions,

And this is where your dog comes in.

Our teacher - our dog!

When did he last read the paper, watch the news? When did he last ruminate over what someone said, asking himself endless questions, whywhywhy? Does he worry whether he is good enough?

(I’m talking here, of course, of the companion dogs in our homes, who are being given the Five Freedoms.)

Dogs are truly spontaneous - when we allow them to be so. They experience something, and they react. Or respond. Or ignore.

They don’t analyse it. They don’t ask endless questions - “Why did she look at me like that?” “What can he be meaning?” “Is it something I said?”

They just experience - and react.

So, as dogs live entirely in the present, this keeps their lives comparatively simple. For example, they see something new on the ground:

“Can I eat it?”

“Can I climb on it?”

“Will I roll in it?”

“I’ll pass by …”

Nowhere do they say,

“What is the meaning of this thing?”

“Is this to do with what happened last week?”

“This means the world as we know it will disappear.”

“Why do these things always happen to me?”

Listen and learn from our dogs

So how about taking a leaf out of their book? When something happens, take it at face value. No need to let your imagination run riot when something goes slightly amiss, “This means the end of everything I value!” or “I will end up dead in a ditch!”

As Confucius apparently said, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

Uncomplicate yourself. Be a dog. Live in the now.

And if you’d like to learn just how you can approach your life with pleasure and not trepidation, just ask me!

Want to learn more how to relate to your lovely teacher, your dog?

Watch our free Workshop and learn how to communicate effectively with your dog or your new puppy, right from the start!

Dog Separation Anxiety after Lockdown?

I received this request recently from a long-time follower,

“How about some advice on separation anxiety? Coming out of lockdown is going to be hard for many of our dogs. They are so used to us being around all the time. I’m ready to work on the problem.”

Advice? We-e-e-e-ll. That depends whether you want advice for your dog or advice for you!

The dog part is easy!

First, read the post Puppy Socialisation in Lockdown which will give you a greater understanding of what’s going on.

Note especially this bit: “One thing that will need careful attention while you’re at home is teaching him how to cope with your absence without distress. This is hugely important for any puppy - especially now, if you’re isolated. So short absences - even to the next room - must be built in from the start, and gradually extended.”

These absences should be incorporated as a normal part of any dog’s life with you, lockdown or no. So be sure to add them in daily.

When you need to go to the shops you can leave your dog safely in her crate, maybe with soft music and a chewtoy to help her settle. If you have two dogs, be sure to walk them separately some of the time (you should do this anyway!) so one is getting your full attention and training on the walk, while the other is learning to manage absence back at home.

Return calmly. Certainly greet your dog of course, but avoid mega-long-lost-greetings that make a big thing of it all, instead of just another aspect of normal life. Ignore any hysteria coming from the crate!

The more you do this, the faster it will all go. You owe it to your dog to teach her how to manage being alone. Just as we teach our babies how to be alone. Fortunately dogs, like babies, spend much of their day asleep anyway, so it’s pretty easy to utilise this zzz time for a bit of absence practice.

Most of what people fear as Separation Anxiety is simply an absence of this gradual training. There is a big difference between a bit of discomfort at being alone, and clinical “Separation Anxiety” which may need the help of medication as well as a structured desensitisation program to work through. I recommend Patricia McConnell’s “I’ll be Home Soon” book.

But what about the owner part?

Have a look at these two statements from that reader:

“Coming out of lockdown is going to be hard for many of our dogs.” 

“I’m ready to work on the problem.”

In both cases, this is perceived as a problem. What’s more, it’s a problem that doesn’t yet exist! This is popularly known as “meeting trouble halfway”.

Not only are you worrying about something that hasn’t happened and may never happen, but by focussing on it you are actually making it more likely!  

Yes, that’s true. Worrying about something that may never happen is opening the door to it and saying “Come in, do!”

If you don’t believe in the power of manifestation, you can look at other parts of your life where your awareness is heightened for something relevant to you. If you’re thinking of buying a red car, you see red cars everywhere! If you’re pregnant, suddenly every second woman is pregnant!

So if you think your dog is going to be anxious when you go out, every little thing he does will confirm this for you.

What you focus on is what you get

So what is my advice to you?

1. Ensure you get your dog or puppy gradually used to your absence, and used to being alone, right from the get-go. Starting now is better than not starting at all! The resilience he learns will be valuable for every aspect of his life.

2. Stop worrying! Worrying helps no-one. If you perceive something as a problem and dwell on it, that problem will grow. If you realise that for every problem there is a solution, and you just have to find it, you’ll be able to instantly stop worrying while you search. Would you rather be pro-active or a helpless victim of circumstance?!

 To change your dog you need to change yourself first!

Watch our free Workshop and find out how to transform your “deaf dog” into a LISTENING DOG!

How can I get my dog to Listen?

This is the single most frequent request I get from readers: “How can I get my dog to listen?”

Sometimes it arrives in the form of “My dog doesn’t listen to me,” “He never listens,” “You’d think he was deaf!” and so on.

But in every case it’s the owner complaining about her dog’s fault.

How about turning that around????

How about looking at what you’re doing first, then look at what your dog is or isn’t doing in response?

You actually have to teach them first!

I find that folk arrive with me, complaining that their dog doesn’t listen, then they’re surprised when I ask them how they have taught their dog to listen.

They haven’t, of course. They expect the dog to arrive with Listening-to-Owner installed. They don’t realise they have to make it worth their dog’s while to listen to them - every time!

We spend a lot of time with our friends, family, even a prospective spouse, teaching them how to listen. We all want to be heard. And there are different levels of listening. We want the very best!

Your dog is the same! He needs to learn that listening to you is good, listening to you is worth his while, listening to you always results in good things.

And there’s a very real danger that if you don’t teach him what you like, then he’ll teach you what he likes!

In every relationship, one person is shaping the other. Sometimes it gets horribly one-sided, like in an oppressive marriage, or an unequal friendship. But that isn’t necessary. A little careful groundwork can start a relationship off right. True choice in a relationship comes when both parties can express themselves fully..

And that’s what we want with our dogs too.

We want a companion dog who enjoys our company, chooses to hang out with us, is alert to our needs, and eager to please. Note that this doesn’t imply slavery, grovelling, or self-abasement! We want an honest relationship with our dog, the same as with everyone else.

I know the frustration your dog’s apparent ignoring can cause - when you do your best to do what you’ve been told in training your dog - only to find it doesn’t work. It causes the opposite of what you want! Antagonism, distrust, loss of love.

There is a better way. A way which works.

And, importantly, a way which does not involve any force, coercion, or intimidation. The same way as you choose to treat your family and friends.

I love my dog, but he just doesn’t listen!

Would this be you? Have you got a dog who simply doesn’t listen to you? Well, you’re in luck! I’ve just made a new training workshop with exactly you in mind!

You can find it here - it’s free, by the way, as is so much that I give you.

Why do I give so much away for nothing? Some suspicious people even say “What’s the catch?”!

Well, there are two reasons:

1. I am passionate about changing the lives of dogs, and this means changing how their owners are with them. Getting these folk to dip their toe in the water of Choice Training is a great start!

and

2. I know that a number of those people I help will want more - they’ll want to work with me in person, through one of my programs. Hooray! Now I get to help them in depth! That’s the fullest expression of my passion to help dogs be understood.

Understanding leads to harmony.

As Carol, one of those students, put it just recently,

“I’m amazed at how much me and my dog have changed, and what we’ve now become. A proper team.”

Don’t lose another minute!

Register for this free Workshop here and get stuck in! You’ll come away with solid strategies you can put into practice TODAY, to change things in your life with your dog, remove that conflict and frustration, and build an unbreakable bond.

Start the change with your puppy or dog with our free Workshop packed with ideas and strategies -

all force-free!

How can I stop my dog’s aggression?

I frequently get this question. An owner gets in touch with me because their dog - who is wonderful at home with them and their family - behaves “aggressively” when seeing strange dogs or people. This could be when out and about, or with visitors to the home.

And the first thing I’ll ask them is what their dog is actually doing!

You see, I absolutely understand that when their dog appears aggressive, this brings up feelings in the owner of

• Confrontation

• Challenge

• Conflict

They fear their dog has turned nasty, and has to be restrained so that he can’t damage another dog or a person - with all the horrors that entails. Vets! 😢 Doctors!! 😳 Lawyers!!! 😱

So it’s natural that their dog’s actions should provoke a strong reaction in the owner!

But you need to look at what your dog is actually doing - something that you are labelling as “aggression” - when it’s most likely for another reason entirely.

Common reactions to something the dog sees can include

Growling

Backing off

Hiding

Grumbling

Staring

Moving forwards

Stiff body and legs

Hackles raised

Tail up

Barking

Lunging

Snapping

And people may think this will automatically lead to biting.

Well . . . in some cases it could. But normally, if whatever is upsetting the dog is removed - or the dog is removed from where he is upset - this is enough for everything to die down again.

So this is just aggression, right?

I can tell you that in most cases that I work with, the dog is not actually aggressive. What’s happening is that he is afraid.

Something has appeared that he can’t cope with, that he’s afraid will hurt him (it doesn’t matter if he’s right or wrong - this is his perception! It’s real enough to him!) so he fires out some warning shots in order to keep the dangerous thing away from him.

That’s why if you can keep the dangerous thing away from him in the first place, or remove him, he will have no need to take the law into his own hands and try to keep it away himself.

Compassion

So instead of trying to STOP what you perceive as aggression, look at it with compassion and work out what the cause of this usually noisy display is.

Instead of trying to stop this by yanking the lead, shouting, nagging, dragging your dog away, trying a new gadget to physically hurt him (I include the misuse of headcollars here, never mind real nasties like collars with spikes pressing into the neck, or any device using batteries), and all the other things I see people do - perhaps acting out of character because of their embarrassment . . . instead of focussing on STOPPING what you don’t like, look at how to teach what you DO like!

You’ll get some ideas of how to approach this mindset-shift in this article.

Understanding is half the battle. Once you’ve got the measure of WHY your dog is doing this, only then can you work out what you’d like him to do instead, then formulate a plan to teach him!

You see, dogs can’t exist in a vacuum. They can’t NOT do. Dogs are doers. So if you want to change what your dog is doing, you have to find him something else to do instead!

How?

Glad you asked!

Your first step is to watch our free Masterclass, and Learn the 3 Biggest Mistakes Growly Dog Owners make - and what to do instead!

You’ll find there some terrific strategies for making great changes with your Growly - reactive, anxious, shy, “aggressive” - Dog, changes which will last.

You can ask your personal questions in the chatbox, and start looking at a new way to work with your Growly Dog to effect a happy life for both of you.

You may not like your dog’s actions - but you can be sure that he doesn’t like them either! Let’s get started on changing them . . .

Start the change with your reactive, anxious, aggressive - Growly - dog with our free Masterclass packed with ideas and strategies, all force-free

How our Growly Dogs are thriving in Lockdown!

In this time of social distancing and self-isolation, we need more than ever to keep in touch with our special people - our families and friends, and those with similar interests who understand us.

There are many good things coming out of this crisis (there always are good things. But if you watch the news all the time you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s all gloom and doom! That’s how they operate.)

There are people who are moving forward boldly to cope with the new life that we are experiencing. And there are those who are bemoaning the loss of their “normal life” and sitting on their hands waiting for it to come back. I fear they will be sadly disappointed.

Think of the clothing manufacturers who have switched from fashion or overcoats and are now making hospital protective clothing. Not only are they saving their businesses, but they’re doing something genuinely useful at the same time!

I was impressed to hear of the manager of a company which makes domestic washers and driers. They have immediately switched their production to making mobile washbasin cabinets for hospitals. This is a great example of the manager NOT panicking, but thinking on his feet how best he could serve at this time, while protecting his staff and his business.

The ability to “pivot” when you find yourself in a cul-de-sac is what differentiates those who struggle from those who make the best of things.

The internet was made for a time like this! And companies who can offer online conferencing - the ideal way to keep personal contact as well as distanced working - have seen a 20-fold increase in their business in the last month.

In my own space, many dog trainers who have been forced to shut down the dog training schools they have spent years building up have turned their hand to making themselves available to their clients in other ways.

There are online businesses who are offering free programs to help people now, and sadly there are those that are capitalising on the crisis in order to make a lot of money. Of course people must keep their businesses afloat, but it’s important to honour your integrity and act according to your values. 

What’s this got to do with dog training?

A lot! The only life we know is the one we are living right now. And that’s the life we need to make the best of.

So instead of regretting what we don’t have - let’s look at what we do have!

Here are some thoughts from students in my Growly Program on how they are making the best of this enforced change. I love to see that they are taking a proactive approach, and managing their mindset in this challenging time:

C kicked off with this report.

“We’re progressing nicely here with our mini garden agility course, sniff games, and all the other things you’ve kindly recommended. It’s so much fun!!” 

K told us that having a growly, reactive dog used to make her feel lonely and inadequate.

“Especially during this time of lockdown, isolation and uncertainty, the camaraderie and understanding of the community of other students is invaluable.”

J pointed out that there’s a silver lining for those under Lockdown: the quieter roads and areas reachable on foot are ideal at the moment for training a Growly Dog!  

“In this particular, peculiar and difficult time, for those able to do so, getting started over the next few weeks and months to training a dog whose habits are difficult to live with, would be wise use of this time.”

T was talking about a breakthrough she had in the program in realising that the control we try to exert on everything in our lives - from our surroundings, to other people, and to our dogs - actually works against us! She put it very succinctly when she observed:

“You know when someone else always drives you to a certain destination, then, when it’s time for you to drive yourself you don't know how to get there. That's what Paisley's walks have been like her whole life - me, always driving her where I wanted her to go without allowing her the time she needed to take it all in. How eye-opening for both of us!”

And M, who’s always full of ideas, added that there are so many things we can choose to do safely during this time for ourselves and our dogs: we can choose new activities or rest when needed.

“We have control of what we choose to do, then have a choice to analyze the outcome, and change things if needed.

We don’t need to be stuck in our lizard brain (survival - fight or flight), but stay more in our thinking brain: this is exactly the time to make changes that will have a lasting impact on the rest of your life with your dog.”

In a plumbing emergency, trying to mop up the flood and rescue her home, L noticed her dog dozing peacefully amidst the chaos. She adopted a new thought: Be like Annie!

“I need to maintain perspective with the water, the pandemic, and everything else rather than allowing them to dictate how I think, feel and behave.”

There is no situation so bad that we can’t make it worse by over-reacting to it. Chris Hadfield, astronaut

Inspiration!

Do those comments inspire you? I hope so, as they show a firm grasp of how we need to think - at any time, but especially now - to get the best from this one exciting life of ours!

I’m proud to have helped these students, not only with the Growly Dog problems that they arrived with, but to change their mindset in order to change their experience of the world.

It really isn’t just a question of changing your dog (or other people, or the world). It’s about changing us!

For more thoughts about changing our thoughts to change our lives

Join our Free Masterclass here