Brilliant Family Dog — Brilliant Family Dog

dog behaviour

Was your first dog your bestest dog ever?

My childhood dog was called Simon.

He was black and white and grey - a blue roan, in spaniel language - though much bigger than cocker spaniels tend to be nowadays, an old-fashioned version.

He was the same age as me, so we grew up together.

Harry Potter-like, he slept in the Singing Cupboard.

This was the same kitchen cupboard that housed the wireless, so he could enjoy “Music while you Work” and other such gems from post-war Britain while he dozed on his blankets. (No, he was never shut in the cupboard.)

In those days - especially in our suburban arcadia - it was normal for dogs to be loose. So our childhood adventures in the fields and on bikes were always accompanied by Simon.

Sometimes he wore sunglasses. Sometimes the poor dog had to wear shorts or a jumper. He took great pleasure in mucky pools and ditches, and he loved car rides.

He’d lie in front of the open fire and occasional coal explosions would result in a column of smoke rising from the sleeping dog’s thick coat. Very little bothered him.

Decades before dog agility was begun as a sport, I had jumps and hoops rigged up in the garden as a “showjumping course” for my dog.

So you can see where all this dog training came from!

Many people look back happily on their childhood, and the dog or dogs that pulled them through it.

It’s natural to want to re-create that for ourselves now, and especially for our family, so that our children can enjoy the same freedom and joy of having a devoted companion through the trials and tribulations of growing up.

But there are some things you need to keep in mind. 

🐾 There’ll never be another Simon.

There have been plenty of other charming canine individuals in my life - and I wouldn’t want to change a thing about them - but it’s not possible to re-create Simon. Each new dog brings his own personality to the party, and you have to work with what you have, not what you may wish you had.

🐾 Things have changed.

The happy-go-lucky life we enjoyed as children does not happen so much now. Dogs tend to be banned and barred from so many places that they don’t have the same social skills Simon had.

🐾 Breeds have changed.

What was once a suitable family pet is not necessarily now the case. You will have to dig deep here to find out what you need to know before inviting a particular breed into your home.

🐾 Memories are selective.

And as a child there’s an awful lot that I never knew or understood. My mother may have had a different view of having Simon - coloured by all the extra housework and possibly expense he may have caused. I never had to clean sick off the carpet - maybe it never happened. Maybe it happened a lot. I have no memory of that.

 🐾 On the plus side,

advances in understanding of dog behaviour and training have been so enormous over the past couple of decades, that all the help you need to rear the Brilliant Family Dog you want is available to you.

You just need to know where to look. Hint: keep reading!

By all means cherish the memories of your beloved childhood dog, and try and find his essence in a present-day equivalent.

That warm fuzzy glow of endless summer that I remember is far from being the whole picture!

What’s your favourite dog walk?

For a dog walk to be a resounding success, it has to be enjoyable for you and your dog!

It also has to be safe, of course, and it needs to serve a purpose.

For you this may be to relax after a long day’s work; to get that body moving after being chained to your computer or the stove all day; to free your mind of all the “have-to’s” and go somewhere you can’t do any of them!

And for you dog, it could be any number of things, depending on your dog’s age, fitness, and personality.

What's your dog's favourite walk?

Is it

🐶 Sniffy?

🐶 Hurtling?

🐶 Hunting?

🐶 Chasing?

🐶 Playing with you?

🐶 Playing with other dogs?

🐶 Slow and steady?


Whichever it is, you need to be ensuring your dog finds his walks satisfying too!

While you admire the scenery and the sunset, your dog can be sniffing and exploring. 

While you stride out over moor and mountain, your dog can be racing around with glorious freedom.

And while you chat with a friend, your dogs can be enjoying a runaround together.

Or maybe both you and your dog prefer solitude, and are happy to walk for miles without meeting a soul.

Group Dog Walks

If you can find a well-organised group walk, where the organiser knows what they’re doing and can manage the situation safely, that can be a joy for puppies and sociable dogs.

But be wary! A lot of damage can be done if the organiser has little knowledge or authority. Ask to go on a walk without your dog first time round, so you are able to assess how suitable it will be for your dog.

Town Dog Walks

Town dog walks can be entertaining too - possibly including a pleasant coffee-stop at a cafe! - as long as your dog can handle the sights and sounds of busy streets and pavements without freaking out through fear or over-excitement.

If your dog is not 100% keen on this type of thing, you can save up your walks and go a couple of times a week to a calmer open space.

Dogs don’t have to be walked every day!

This is a misunderstanding prevalent amongst new dog-owners. 

It’s important to remember the purpose of the walk - it can be for socialisation and training, or for exercise and R & R. 

The ASPCA puts it like this: 

Freedom to Express Normal Behavior: by providing sufficient space, proper facilities and company of the animal’s own kind 

And it’s enshrined in UK law that animals should have the opportunity to express themselves as is appropriate for their species. That means free running for dogs! 

HINT: a reactive dog does NOT need to run the gauntlet of everything he fears every time he puts his nose out of the door. This dog would be a candidate for fewer but better-chosen walks. Perhaps a trip out of town to a quiet footpath, or even renting space in a field. 

Keeping your dog’s preferences in mind, along with your own, will lead you to finding a happy medium between the right amount of exercise and the right amount of stimulation.

So what’s your favourite dog walk? 

Do comment below and tell us where your favourite dog walks are, and whether you are fortunate enough to be able to access them easily and often - or whether they are special occasions you plan and look forward to!

And if you’re struggling with handling your dog on the lead at all, check out our free Workshop on getting your Dog to LISTEN! And for our lovely sensitive souls - our free Masterclass for Growly Dogs.


 
 

My dog is stubborn!

Every dog has its own individual character, and this differs more within breeds than between breeds! Get to know your OWN dog without preconceptions and enjoy building a wonderful partnership together. Brilliant Family Dog is committed to improving …

“I have a 10 week old puppy, but I'm hearing that his breed is stubborn, hard to train, and possessive.”

Wow.

That’s a lot of labels to put on a baby.

 

The trouble with labels

You see, if you label someone - he’s arrogant, she’s bossy, he’s a naughty child, and so on - this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Every time you have dealings with that person you’ll be running everything they say and do through a filter to check whether it’s arrogant, or bossy, or naughty.

All you will be aware of is the moments when you score a hit!

Yes! That remark was arrogant! That proves he’s an arrogant man.

But don’t we all say something sometimes that could be interpreted as arrogant, or bossy, or naughty?

That means you’d tar us all with the same brush!

And, in any case, how helpful is this?

 

How about some NICE labels instead?

How about filtering for proof of niceness?

You’ll come up with some very different results!

Imagine while you’re talking to this (arrogant) man, you are listening out for generosity, humility, gentleness?

You’re going to find some surprises!

 

Back to dogs …

Don't listen to all the bad things people say about your chosen breed.

There is more variation between individuals than between breeds

Every dog has its own individual character, and this differs more *within* breeds than *between* breeds! Get to know your OWN dog without preconceptions and enjoy building a wonderful partnership together. Brilliant Family Dog is committed to improv…

People like to say these things to blame the dog and account for their own failure! If it’s the dog’s fault, because of its inherent failings, then it can’t be their fault.

It’s a simple case of shovelling the blame off onto someone else. They reared a dog to be stubborn, hard to train, and possessive - but it’s easier to blame the dog.

And why on earth would you want to do this to a new puppy, who has his whole life with you ahead of him?

Why would you want to reinforce the idea that your puppy is stubborn, hard to train, possessive?

Would your time not be better spent in understanding your puppy?

🐾 Understanding what he’s telling you when he won’t do what you think you’re asking?

🐾 Understanding why he wouldn’t want to enjoy time with you?

🐾 Understanding why he’s afraid?

Your new puppy is a blank canvas

It’s up to YOU to decide how you’d like him to be, then encourage everything that looks anything close to that.

It’s equally up to you not to listen to ignorant nonsense about your dog’s breed or type, spouted by those who have failed to manage such a dog.

While it’s true that certain breeds have certain genetic traits, like herding, or guarding, or hunting, none of these preclude a successful partnership!

After all, many of those specially-bred dogs are working dogs. And they can achieve astonishing levels of reliable performance.

Think Obedience and Agility Champions, sheepdogs, protection dogs, search dogs, medical alert dogs …

Once the sensitive owner understands these genetic traits, and their strength in their individual dog, they can work with the dog to satisfy both of the training partners. 

So don’t label your dog!

Allow him to unfold before you like a beautiful flower. Accept what he is without trying to categorise him.

That way you’ll have a wonderful life ahead of you!

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and what a combination could result in!

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Is it my dog? Or is it me?

To change your dog’s behaviour, you’re going to need to change your own too! Shock! But life becomes so much more comfortable when you do! Brilliant Family Dog is committed to improving the lives of dogs and their harassed owners through books and o…

For your dog to change, you need to change!

 

This is the message emblazoned on our home page.

And some people will take one look at that and say, “No, I’m perfect: it’s my dog that’s all wrong!” And they’re gone.

That’s sad, because their dog is now denied the possibility that their owner might change!

But those with more perception, more thoughtfulness - you, obviously, as you’re reading this! - see that there is truth in this.

You see, dogs - just like us - are responsive, sentient beings. They don’t just DO. They respond.

Something happens; you do something; they do something. It’s like a game of ping-pong, where you bat things back and forth. If what you bat back to your dog is harsh, self-centred, punitive, you have alienated him and he’s not going to “play ball” any more.

 

But if you look at what happened, work out why your dog did what he did, and respond with encouragement or distraction or take it as a teaching moment, then you can engage your learner and make some solid progress!

 

“How can I stop my dog doing xyz?”

 

My inbox is full of these questions on a daily basis. If I responded harshly, saying that they’re approaching it all wrong, I would lose that person. They’d take offence and go off in a huff. Result: life doesn’t improve, dog stays in trouble!

But I take my own advice from the paragraph above, and make my reply a teaching moment!

These correspondents are repeating what they understand is necessary, what they’ve been told by others: that this creature is wilful and difficult, and needs to be controlled, prevented, contained, in order to have a peaceful home.

But in fact the reverse is true! The more choice you give your dog, the better result you will get.

 

More choice = more harmony!

 

To change your dog’s behaviour, you’re going to need to change your own too! Shock! But life becomes so much more comfortable when you do! Brilliant Family Dog is committed to improving the lives of dogs and their harassed owners through books and …

I’m pleased that someone has read what I wrote and sees me as someone trustworthy, who can help them. This is to be encouraged! I’m passionate about getting the word on force-free training out as far as is possible.

It’s just like tennis (I do love the summer tennis season!): you lose every point where you don’t hit the ball back in play.

So instead of alienating these readers by castigating them, I encourage them to view things differently and get the result they want.

I explain that instead of trying to stop your dog doing something, it’s infinitely more effective (and faster!) to teach him to do something else instead.

 

Can you catch yourself?

Sometimes, even an accomplished dog-owner can slip up! You may catch yourself having a knee-jerk reaction to your dog. Maybe because you’re tired, busy, flustered, embarrassed …

Be sure to catch those moments and see how you can change them for the better.

A little reflection, putting yourself in your dog’s paws, may show you why he did what he did, and how you can help him to make a better choice next time.

We all keep learning - dogs and people - every single day!

If you need help putting this theory into practice, be sure to watch our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN, without nagging, cajoling, or bribery!

 

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HOW CAN YOUR WILD PUPPY BECOME YOUR BRILLIANT FAMILY DOG? 8 steps to success

What can you do to make this love affair start fast and last long? Read this post of 8 how-to’s to build a lasting bond. Brilliant Family Dog is committed to improving the lives of dogs and their harassed owners through books and online learning, al…

First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission

You’ve decided now is the time to get a dog for your family. Excitement is running high! Expectations are through the roof. Plans are being laid.

But how realistic are these expectations? How near to reality are the plans?

I find that new puppy-owners tend to fall into two camps - those who expect too much too soon, and those who expect too little for too long! Let’s have a look at this more closely:

1. Expecting too much too soon

When you get your puppy at seven or eight weeks old, he is a baby. His eyes have only been open for six weeks. Everything is new to him - everything. He has to learn to trust you as his guardian and protector first. So shouting SIT SIT SIT at him is mystifying and frightening! There will be plenty of time for learning to sit on cue - but there’s only a short time for so much else that needs to be learnt first.

We have very short memories (why do women give birth to more than one child? If they remembered what they went through the first time they probably wouldn’t!) So remembering how good our old dog was is not helpful. What you’re probably remembering is when he was twelve and fitted your home comfortably like an old pair of slippers. You’ll have forgotten the mayhem and mess of his early weeks and months. Perhaps your old dog grew up in a noisy, busy family, with endless entertainment and learning. Now your home is quieter, but your pup will need the same level of stimulation and novelty.

2. Expecting too little for too long

Then there are those who appreciate that their puppy is a baby - but forget that their development is many times faster than that of a human infant. A pup of six months is something similar to a child of twelve years old in terms of maturity. You have a lot to pack in those first four months with you!

Fortunately young puppies are sponges. They soak up learning. It’s so easy to teach them what you want before they’ve discovered what they want. And like children, they accept the status quo. If feeding is always done in their crate followed immediately by a visit to the garden, this will be the accepted pattern which they will put on autopilot.

3. Start ‘em really young!

It used to be thought that puppies couldn’t start training until they were six months old or more. Imagine teaching absolutely nothing to your child until he reached twelve! The mind truly boggles at what you’d be up against. But with the revelation that force-free training is quicker and more efficient than traditional punitive methods, and that it develops an unbreakable bond between dog and owner, puppy training can start at around five weeks. The pup is still in the litter, of course, but he’s learning! This is where the importance of a conscientious and knowledgeable breeder comes in. Why not let him learn early on that people are good news and interacting with them is to his advantage?

Trainers in the vanguard of scientific thought do much of their teaching through games - every game designed to achieve one key skill. You want to find one of those excellent, thoughtful, kind trainers for your puppy!

4. All things to all men?

Your dog can’t be everything. He can’t fulfil all the roles that dogs are able to perform. Each dog is an individual. He may be unsuited to some activities, sports, ways of life, on account of his size or conformation. He may be temperamentally unsuited: he may be a social butterfly - or he may be a party pooper. While you can improve his perception of the world, tempering his excesses and building his confidence, you have to accept that maybe this dog won’t be your world class agility dog; maybe not the one to go on transalpine treks; perhaps not a cuddly lapdog or people-pleaser.

You can load the dice in your favour by researching your chosen breed and breeder minutely before you make your choice. But there’s still an element of the “luck of the draw”. How many people do you know who are quite unlike their parents? Your challenge will be to find where your dog does shine and develop that to his fullest potential.

5. Give time for the bond to grow

What can you do to make this love affair start fast and last long? Read this post of 8 how-to’s to build a lasting bond. Brilliant Family Dog is committed to improving the lives of dogs and their harassed owners through books and online learning, al…

As you go through the early weeks and months, there’s no place for frustration or loss of temper, which will serve only to damage your relationship with your dog. Your puppy is not doing what he does out of stubbornness, naughtiness, defiance. He’s doing it because he’s a dog. And you haven’t yet shown him what you’d like him to do instead.

Punishment rewards the punisher - makes them feel better, more in control through having lost control. It doesn’t help the one who is punished.

It makes them evasive, resentful, untrusting. It won’t change their behaviour - they’ll just make sure you’re not around when they do it. Confusion reigns: think of the puppy who is told off for weeing in the house (who’s in charge of the feeding schedule and the doors here?) then makes sure to leave his next puddle behind the sofa where you can’t catch him and chastise him again.

6. The gift of time

Give your dog the time he needs to learn with you. Your days were already full before your puppy arrived, so you have to make time. Give him time - and undiluted, focussed attention. This is especially important when you already have a dog in the household. Your puppy needs that individual attention you lavished on your first dog if he’s to develop the same bond with you.

7. Expand your dog’s mind

Brainwork - as we all know! - is tiring. Use up some of that boundless energy by getting your puppy to think, to make choices, to assess situations and make good decisions. In order to think and choose, we have to have the freedom to make mistakes. Encourage and welcome those mistakes, which show that your dog is thinking and trying things. Choice-based training means that when your dog makes a poor choice nothing happens, good or bad. When he makes a good choice he gets excitement, treats, games, fun. Which do you think he’s going to choose again?

8. Don’t forget to enjoy your puppy!

Remember why you wanted a dog in the first place. Don’t get bogged down by worrying about whether your puppy is learning quickly enough, whether he’s showing you up at puppy class, whether you look inadequate if he doesn’t come when he’s called. Take the broader view and see it as a giant learning curve for both of you. Enjoy this time - it speeds past!

 

Find out how to avoid some of the pitfalls of early training in our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN!

Check out our many articles on puppies starting with this one and use the search to find specifics for your new pup!

 

 

 

Want to know your biggest mistake?

Blaming anyone or anything for your dog’s worrisome behavior is counter-productive! Blame will get you nowhere! What you need are concrete strategies to make the changes you want, together with your dog. Brilliant Family Dog is committed to improvin…

Want to know your biggest mistake? 

It's thinking your difficult dog's behaviour is All. Your. Fault.

Don't you know that blaming yourself is not going to help one bit? or blaming the shelter, that dog in the park, your family, or your dog!

The only thing that will move you forward is understanding. Understanding what's going on with your Growly Dog, and knowledge. Knowing how to change it.

It's really as simple as that!

Loadsa money

But people try to make it appear complex and difficult, to make you think you can't do it on your own, that you have to pay them loadsa money to do things to your dog, giving you methods without explaining anything to you - the person the dog lives with! - as if your dog is broken and needs fixing.

Some trainers will suggest methods that go against your better judgment, your heart.

You got your dog as a companion, to love, to nurture, to share your life - not to punish and abuse.

I'm here to tell you that it is all absolutely unnecessary

There's no need to resort to mediaeval practices - things that are not allowed to be done to people! - in order to get your dog to behave.

In fact, the longer you're asking whywhywhy, beating yourself up, questioning yourself, and trying to put extreme tactics in place, the longer your dog will remain unchanged.

Some of the things you'll be told to do to your dog will actually make her worse. You see, many people, including - sadly - many so-called "dog trainers", think that your dog is being difficult, stubborn, aggressive, wilful - you name it.

Whereas in fact your dog is just AFRAID! 

Your dog is not bad, she’s just afraid.

Do things look different now?

Suppose that you were afraid of spiders. If I shut you in a room full of spiders would you be LESS afraid, or confirmed in your belief that spiders are all BAD?

I know how I’d feel!

But you’ll be relieved to know that you can carry on loving your dog. 

You can continue to see her as your companion. Someone to look after and protect.

And you can still get the change you want, so that your dog - whether anxious, hyper, shy, aggressive - or just plain GROWLY - can become easier to walk, easier to handle, easier to trust - easier to love again.

Hear what Elle said about her damaged rescue dog who was getting steadily worse with several dog trainers:

The reactive dog owner needs to exercise the greatest care in choosing a trainer! Many “dog trainers” will make your dog worse. You need a force-free trainer who has a specific understanding of reactive, shy, anxious, aggressive, Growly Dogs. Brilli…

“Thanks to you and your thorough, kind, humane and effective methods, we have come a long, long way. I never dreamed that we would have been able to come as far as we have. I am thrilled. 

Thanks to you, we are a beautiful work in progress and we have been able to establish an abiding, deep, and loving bond of trust which brings us joy each and every day…”


Want to restore your bond of trust with your dog and make it “abiding, deep, loving, and joyful”?

 I’ll be bringing you more over the upcoming weeks, so stay tuned.

 We can do this together! 


And to get started straight away with lessons to help your Growly Dog cope with our world, watch our

free Masterclass for Growly Dogs