How can I stop my dog’s aggression?

I frequently get this question. An owner gets in touch with me because their dog - who is wonderful at home with them and their family - behaves “aggressively” when seeing strange dogs or people. This could be when out and about, or with visitors to the home.

And the first thing I’ll ask them is what their dog is actually doing!

You see, I absolutely understand that when their dog appears aggressive, this brings up feelings in the owner of

• Confrontation

• Challenge

• Conflict

They fear their dog has turned nasty, and has to be restrained so that he can’t damage another dog or a person - with all the horrors that entails. Vets! 😢 Doctors!! 😳 Lawyers!!! 😱

So it’s natural that their dog’s actions should provoke a strong reaction in the owner!

But you need to look at what your dog is actually doing - something that you are labelling as “aggression” - when it’s most likely for another reason entirely.

Common reactions to something the dog sees can include

Growling

Backing off

Hiding

Grumbling

Staring

Moving forwards

Stiff body and legs

Hackles raised

Tail up

Barking

Lunging

Snapping

And people may think this will automatically lead to biting.

Well . . . in some cases it could. But normally, if whatever is upsetting the dog is removed - or the dog is removed from where he is upset - this is enough for everything to die down again.

So this is just aggression, right?

I can tell you that in most cases that I work with, the dog is not actually aggressive. What’s happening is that he is afraid.

Something has appeared that he can’t cope with, that he’s afraid will hurt him (it doesn’t matter if he’s right or wrong - this is his perception! It’s real enough to him!) so he fires out some warning shots in order to keep the dangerous thing away from him.

That’s why if you can keep the dangerous thing away from him in the first place, or remove him, he will have no need to take the law into his own hands and try to keep it away himself.

Compassion

So instead of trying to STOP what you perceive as aggression, look at it with compassion and work out what the cause of this usually noisy display is.

Instead of trying to stop this by yanking the lead, shouting, nagging, dragging your dog away, trying a new gadget to physically hurt him (I include the misuse of headcollars here, never mind real nasties like collars with spikes pressing into the neck, or any device using batteries), and all the other things I see people do - perhaps acting out of character because of their embarrassment . . . instead of focussing on STOPPING what you don’t like, look at how to teach what you DO like!

You’ll get some ideas of how to approach this mindset-shift in this article.

Understanding is half the battle. Once you’ve got the measure of WHY your dog is doing this, only then can you work out what you’d like him to do instead, then formulate a plan to teach him!

You see, dogs can’t exist in a vacuum. They can’t NOT do. Dogs are doers. So if you want to change what your dog is doing, you have to find him something else to do instead!

How?

Glad you asked!

Your first step is to watch our free Masterclass, and Learn the 3 Biggest Mistakes Growly Dog Owners make - and what to do instead!

You’ll find there some terrific strategies for making great changes with your Growly - reactive, anxious, shy, “aggressive” - Dog, changes which will last.

You can ask your personal questions in the chatbox, and start looking at a new way to work with your Growly Dog to effect a happy life for both of you.

You may not like your dog’s actions - but you can be sure that he doesn’t like them either! Let’s get started on changing them . . .

Start the change with your reactive, anxious, aggressive - Growly - dog with our free Masterclass packed with ideas and strategies, all force-free

My dog is afraid of the car: 10 steps for change!

Why is my dog afraid of the car?

This is a tough one! You’re dying to take your dog out on lovely walks with the family - and she quakes and quivers at the sight of the car.

This is usually only found in rehomed dogs who have had a bad experience in a vehicle. But it can happen also with the family dog who used to enjoy car journeys till there was a motor accident.

The most carefully-nurtured puppy may be afraid of the car because it means carsickness. Some pups are carsick, some never are. Travel your puppy in the front seat of the car - between the wheels - where there is less movement, take corners slowly, and have a bucket ready. You can strap in his crate with the seatbelt. This phase will gradually pass.

If your dog’s reaction is extreme, with shaking, scrabbling to get away, drooling, and evident misery, you may need to talk to your vet about a mild sedative to calm the dog enough to start on a protocol to readjust her attitude to the car.

There are some very good herbal remedies which do not require a prescription which may help - they are often marketed as a calmer for firework nights.

The last thing to do is try to force the dog into the car!

This will only increase the fear and anxiety. What you can do is slowly and gradually change her view of the car as somewhere safe and pleasant to be.

Jet the young black Labrador had to be lifted into the car as he was fearful of getting in by himself. I suggested to his owners that they shut the garden gates, prepare his food as usual, walk out to the car, open the boot and place the bowl in the car as far back as possible from the edge. Then leave the dog to figure out how to get this food all by himself.

I hinted it could take a few days.

Next morning they reported back to me: they’d placed the food in the car, and started to walk away only to hear Jet leaping into the back of the car and scarfing down his dinner! One happy owner.

Here are 10 steps to change your dog’s approach to the car

1. For some dogs, it’s the vibration and noise of the car engine that is the problem. So take your dog out to the car, sit in the car yourself without the engine running, leave ALL the doors open, and toss top-class treats (sausage, raw steak) to her outside the car. Let her decide when she’d like to get closer to you. She can climb in beside you if she likes, have some more food, then you can both get out and leave it for the day.

2. Repeat this a few times and your dog will be keen to get in with you. Once you’ve achieved that stage, you can start to close the doors for a moment, then get out.

3. If your dog loves playing fetch, a great game of tossing her favourite toy into the back of the car, or right through it (all doors open) can work wonders.

4. Next step is, with doors and windows closed, turn the engine on for a short while, ensuring the exhaust isn’t blowing back into the vehicle. Do NOT drive the car! But keep up the flow of treats. These steps will take as long as they take. Don’t be in a hurry to push forward till your dog is really happy about the previous step.

5. After a few times doing this step, you may notice that your dog is calmer and exhibiting less anxiety (tension in face and ears, wide darting eyes, paddling the feet, etc). Now you can actually roll the car forward or back a little way, and that’s it for the day.

6. When you first pull out of your drive and actually move along the road, make it a very short journey ending in something spectacular - a run in the park, a visit to granny, or just straight back home for a great game.

7. Another thing that can help: ensure that there is a door or window open when you shut the boot. The shockwave from the boot-slam can be very distressing for a dog. Sit in the car yourself with doors and windows closed while someone else slams the boot shut and you’ll see what I mean.

8. For some dogs, travelling in a cage they can’t see out of is very effective. It could be to do with carsickness, fear of cars approaching behind your car, or just that they want to bark at everything that moves as they pass.

9. If your dog is happy in the car but hesitant to get in, you may need a vet check to rule out a physical issue. It can be an advanced warning of hip trouble. Meanwhile, a ramp or sturdy step can help.

10. And never let your dog - especially a young dog - jump out of the car onto a hard surface (road, dry or frozen ground)! This can seriously damage his shoulders.

Barking in the car can be completely solved by either covering the crate or using blackout material to cover the inside of the windows. Never was there an easier solution to a common and aggravating problem!

Experiment and see what works for your dog. And once you’ve worked out how to get him into the car, check out this post to find the best way to keep secure.

Now you can head off on some of those great country walks!

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Celebrate your Dog while you still have her

This article was first published at Medium.com

Many people are shattered by the loss of their dog. People reveal the depth of their feelings and their desolation at the sudden absence of their friend. The strength of these feelings can come as a bit of a surprise.

Our dogs creep up on us. Too late we realise how far they have tunnelled into our lives, our beds, our hearts, our souls.

As with any loss there can be feelings of regret: all those times I was too lazy to play with her; when she made do with scraps because I’d forgotten to prepare her food; when she missed out on a walk because it was raining; when I came home exhausted from my fulfilling day to my lonely dog — and then was too tired to give her a little of my time.

Let’s see how we can change this, with a truer understanding of how our dogs’ minds work! Get our free email course here.

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Your dog commits totally to you. And in return we can take her for granted.

But She’s Just a Dog

I think that we often underestimate our dog’s intelligence and ability to reason. It’s very easy to bark commands at her and expect her to know what on earth it is that we want.

But how often are our expectations of what we want her to do unmatched by time spent on teaching her those things? We expect her to arrive with human-world behaviour installed, or to learn it by osmosis.

How unfair we can be!

It’s a truism that a trained dog is a happy dog. But it’s also the case that an untrained dog is a very confused dog.

How hard it can be for our dogs to continually try to guess what will please us; guess what will annoy or frustrate us and cause our displeasure — which hurts them so much!

She doesn’t have the whole world to love — she just has you.

I insure against some of the pain of the loss of a dog by having plenty of them! I usually have three or four and am always planning the next puppy. If I could have only one dog, I’d be thinking ahead to the next one. I couldn’t live without that joy and beauty in the household for long.

And the more dogs who spend their lives with me, the more I can see how totally individual and different they are.

Your Dog is a Teacher as well as a Learner

We can teach our happy-go-lucky, outgoing, everybody’s-my-friend dog some calmness and moderation, and we can encourage our shy, diffident dog to venture forth and gain confidence, but the dog’s character will remain.

Through years of living with several dogs at a time, my takeaways are:

• Your appearance does not matter. Sometimes it’s puzzling if someone takes against you because of the colour of your hair or the length of your nose. But that’s their problem. Your dog is not going to change his hair colour for anyone. Neither should you.

• Other people’s opinion is not of much interest. If you want to roll in the muck and they don’t understand, that’s their loss. Be proud of who you are.

• Take every opportunity to rest and regroup.

• If someone encroaches on your personal or psychological space, just move away. Dogs are in the main all for a quiet life.

• Enjoy every moment and live in the present. It doesn’t matter if you’re cold and wet later — leap in the pond now!

• Never tire of telling your special people that you love them.

They don’t live long enough — that’s for sure!

Yet they give so much.

Let’s give our dogs our time and attention now, in the few short years they’re with us. If we build our relationship to the fullest, we won’t be astonished by the gap they leave when they die, nor be filled with regrets at having failed them.

Is your dog throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Masterclass and find how to change things fast!

 

Rearing a puppy to be confident

How can I rear my puppy to like other dogs when we’re locked down and social distancing?

A lot of people are asking this, and I absolutely understand where they’re coming from with this question!

For years we have been told that unless your puppy meets other dogs, in quantity, before the age of 15 weeks, you are doomed to a lifetime of reactivity and aggression.

Like all bowdlerisations, this one is liable to serious misinterpretation.

In fact, what we are actually told is that we have to acclimatise our puppy to everything he’s likely to meet in everyday life by the age of 15 weeks.

That is very different!

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Misinterpretation, mishearing, misunderstanding …

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

Picking up a little of the message without understanding the reasoning behind it is the problem here.

And sadly it can actually be the CAUSE of reactivity problems later on!

The exact opposite of what the hapless owner intended!

The way forward

So what should the new puppy-owner be doing, especially in this difficult time?

If you follow the actual advice from the scientists, to introduce novelty into your puppy’s life so that he enjoys the experience, you’ll see that this novelty will include other dogs, and an awful lot more besides!

The idea of dropping a young puppy into the middle of a mass of dogs - some madly excited, some terrified - is awful! And it’s at the centre of many puppy classes run by inexperienced tutors.

To help you understand exactly what your puppy is telling you, do research Dog Body Language. There are some resources listed at the foot of this article to help you - and your children! - learn what your new pet is saying. It really may not be what you think.

I teach Choice Training

That is to say, my dogs always have a choice in what they do.

Nothing builds confidence more than having your wishes respected, your opinions considered, your decisions honoured.

And never is this more important than in meeting other creatures, be they two- or four-legged.

Naturally, the safety of the other party always has to be considered! So if your puppy is meeting a shy dog, a cat or bird, or a baby, for the first time, restraint on harness and lead is essential, or else the “victim” should be safely protected in a crate or cage or playpen.

That said, allow your puppy a choice.

Don’t shove him forward to meet people or dogs - let him move forward at his own pace and manner. Let him make the decision whether to progress or hide behind you. Either way he is expressing his feelings. And allowing those feelings is what will develop confidence.

• Confidence that you will honour his feelings

• Trust that you will protect him

And this will build his ability to cope with new things, whether a helicopter overhead, a dragonfly buzzing around his head, a child banging a bucket, a dog barking . . .

This is what is meant by exposing your puppy to novelty!

Not throwing him into a situation he cannot manage, when the only thing he’ll learn is fear.

Older dogs

The exact same applies for handling “socialisation” for your older dog. Technically you can’t “socialise” a dog over the age of 15 weeks. But you can still introduce him to novelty, in a gradual and structured way, so that his confidence builds - just the same as with your puppy

Already got a Growly Dog? A reactive, shy, aggressive dog? Watch our free Masterclass and learn new strategies to change your lives for the better!

RESOURCES

Socialisation in Lockdown

Puppies and Dogs

Dog Body Language

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00_9JPltXHI

Dog Body Language

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bstvG_SUzMo  

How our Growly Dogs are thriving in Lockdown!

In this time of social distancing and self-isolation, we need more than ever to keep in touch with our special people - our families and friends, and those with similar interests who understand us.

There are many good things coming out of this crisis (there always are good things. But if you watch the news all the time you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s all gloom and doom! That’s how they operate.)

There are people who are moving forward boldly to cope with the new life that we are experiencing. And there are those who are bemoaning the loss of their “normal life” and sitting on their hands waiting for it to come back. I fear they will be sadly disappointed.

Think of the clothing manufacturers who have switched from fashion or overcoats and are now making hospital protective clothing. Not only are they saving their businesses, but they’re doing something genuinely useful at the same time!

I was impressed to hear of the manager of a company which makes domestic washers and driers. They have immediately switched their production to making mobile washbasin cabinets for hospitals. This is a great example of the manager NOT panicking, but thinking on his feet how best he could serve at this time, while protecting his staff and his business.

The ability to “pivot” when you find yourself in a cul-de-sac is what differentiates those who struggle from those who make the best of things.

The internet was made for a time like this! And companies who can offer online conferencing - the ideal way to keep personal contact as well as distanced working - have seen a 20-fold increase in their business in the last month.

In my own space, many dog trainers who have been forced to shut down the dog training schools they have spent years building up have turned their hand to making themselves available to their clients in other ways.

There are online businesses who are offering free programs to help people now, and sadly there are those that are capitalising on the crisis in order to make a lot of money. Of course people must keep their businesses afloat, but it’s important to honour your integrity and act according to your values. 

What’s this got to do with dog training?

A lot! The only life we know is the one we are living right now. And that’s the life we need to make the best of.

So instead of regretting what we don’t have - let’s look at what we do have!

Here are some thoughts from students in my Growly Program on how they are making the best of this enforced change. I love to see that they are taking a proactive approach, and managing their mindset in this challenging time:

C kicked off with this report.

“We’re progressing nicely here with our mini garden agility course, sniff games, and all the other things you’ve kindly recommended. It’s so much fun!!” 

K told us that having a growly, reactive dog used to make her feel lonely and inadequate.

“Especially during this time of lockdown, isolation and uncertainty, the camaraderie and understanding of the community of other students is invaluable.”

J pointed out that there’s a silver lining for those under Lockdown: the quieter roads and areas reachable on foot are ideal at the moment for training a Growly Dog!  

“In this particular, peculiar and difficult time, for those able to do so, getting started over the next few weeks and months to training a dog whose habits are difficult to live with, would be wise use of this time.”

T was talking about a breakthrough she had in the program in realising that the control we try to exert on everything in our lives - from our surroundings, to other people, and to our dogs - actually works against us! She put it very succinctly when she observed:

“You know when someone else always drives you to a certain destination, then, when it’s time for you to drive yourself you don't know how to get there. That's what Paisley's walks have been like her whole life - me, always driving her where I wanted her to go without allowing her the time she needed to take it all in. How eye-opening for both of us!”

And M, who’s always full of ideas, added that there are so many things we can choose to do safely during this time for ourselves and our dogs: we can choose new activities or rest when needed.

“We have control of what we choose to do, then have a choice to analyze the outcome, and change things if needed.

We don’t need to be stuck in our lizard brain (survival - fight or flight), but stay more in our thinking brain: this is exactly the time to make changes that will have a lasting impact on the rest of your life with your dog.”

In a plumbing emergency, trying to mop up the flood and rescue her home, L noticed her dog dozing peacefully amidst the chaos. She adopted a new thought: Be like Annie!

“I need to maintain perspective with the water, the pandemic, and everything else rather than allowing them to dictate how I think, feel and behave.”

There is no situation so bad that we can’t make it worse by over-reacting to it. Chris Hadfield, astronaut

Inspiration!

Do those comments inspire you? I hope so, as they show a firm grasp of how we need to think - at any time, but especially now - to get the best from this one exciting life of ours!

I’m proud to have helped these students, not only with the Growly Dog problems that they arrived with, but to change their mindset in order to change their experience of the world.

It really isn’t just a question of changing your dog (or other people, or the world). It’s about changing us!

For more thoughts about changing our thoughts to change our lives

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Puppies will be puppies!

Puppies are all much of a muchness - cute, exploring, shy, cuddly, quickly tired . . . They have needs, and the biggest need they have is to learn how to fit into our weird human world.

And yet people get a new puppy and think something is wrong when their puppy

• Doesn’t sleep all night

• Explores everything by mouth

• Doesn’t know where or when to pee

• Thinks the children are other puppies

And then they write to me.

Either they think they’re doing something wrong, or - more often - they think there’s something fundamentally wrong with their puppy.

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And they want their dream of a cute cuddly puppy back!

There’s a high chance that if they’re struggling with one or other aspect of puppy care (it’s usually sleep, nipping, or housetraining) their puppy is behaving totally normally. But they may need to adjust their expectations and understanding of how the doggy brain works in order to restore harmony in their home!

Now I’m glad they find Brilliant Family Dog and they write to me and not to any of the forceful “trainers” out there, which are legion. I’m always free with advice to help them get back on track with their new charge (I’d much rather they asked and found the answer, rather than struggle on with an unhappy household). And the first thing I remind them is that their puppy is a BABY.

But really, where did common sense go?

Common sense

• Is it not common sense to do a bit of research before inviting a baby from another species to share your home?

• Is it not common sense to learn what changes you need to make to your current habits in order to have this work?

• Is it not common sense to find out what puppies are like so that you can have realistic expectations?

• And surely common sense decrees that if adults have to learn this new stuff, your children also need help to understand how to co-exist with this new stranger.

I’m willing to bet that when these parents first had their children they got masses of advice, loads of equipment, and most certainly didn’t leave their offspring loose in the house without supervision, with cats and dogs wandering around behaving species-inappropriately with them!

Expecting a puppy who’s only been on the planet a matter of weeks to fit into a new and totally foreign regime without any guidance and help would be equally crazy, and to me unreasonable and unthinkable.

The way forward

So if you’ve arrived here looking for help because your puppy isn’t measuring up to your expectations - you’re most welcome! Please do look around and find the help you need. Start with the SEARCH function up there in the navigation bar (that’s across the top of the page on a laptop and in the three little bars at the top on mobile).

You’ll find a huge wealth of articles here to help you with your puppy - not just giving you instructions to change your puppy’s behaviour, but plenty of guidance on changing your own behaviour! It has to be give-and-take for this to work the way you want it to.

There are free downloadable guides for many of the more popular queries, and even free courses!

This could be a good jumping-off place for you

All I ask is that you give it a try. Nothing is more depressing than taking the time to advise someone who says “We need help urgently, please reply.” And finding them coming back with the same query a few weeks later, having done nothing that was suggested.

Chances are your puppy is completely normal, nothing wrong with him at all. But you may be focussing on the wrong things . . .

Go and check those resources I’ve linked!

Are you the right owner for this puppy?

Oh, and if you really expect your puppy to lie in his basket all day ready to be got out and shown off when you feel like it; to be able to tell the difference between a toy you’ve given him and one that he finds as he wanders about free-range (your phone, your remote, your glasses / shoes / book, the computer cables); to adopt new sleeping patterns with no help; to know how to play with people with skin like tissue paper and no protective fur; or even to know in advance when they need to pee - then perhaps you need to re-think the whole idea of inviting a dog into your home.

When you are ready will be time enough to choose a puppy.

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